Briar

I work with a bunch of people who drink big and talk big. Part of my downfall when I relapsed was that I went along with it and talked like I was still a big drinker too. That's how we bonded and came to trust each other. There's comradery in drinking where I work, and it's clearly more acceptable to have a drinking problem than to be in recovery.

We have a couple people on staff who are openly in recovery, and the others talk about them behind their backs. It sets them apart, and not in a good way. Once a coworker was telling my office mate and I that he was attracted to another coworker. My office mate said "you know she's in recovery, right?" He replied "aw, well that just ruins it." I was sober at that time, masquerading as a drinker, and that blatant disdain for recovery by someone I liked and trusted really cut deep.

I'm determined not to lie this time. I know I can't recover if I keep pretending I'm something I'm not, but I don't really know how I'm going to balance being friends with them and being in recovery. I'm sure it will come out at some point. I don't want to write them off as a bunch of a**h***s because they're not, it's just the culture there. And I don't want to lose the rapport I've built with them. I have to work with them after all.

I don't know, I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to be who I am now. I have to change, but the rest of the world stays the same. I don't know where the pieces are going to land.

Dee74

I remember in my 20s and 30s I was in similar situations.
You have no idea how much I want to shake younger me and tell him to get a frickin' clue....

But it is what it is.

Maybe all these drinkers will be fine, or they'll get older and realise how empty an achievement big drinking is. Maybe some of them will find recovery like us.

All I know is: I like who I am and I love my life. I'm on the right side of the fence...and I'd smile at anyone who tried to talk me down for it

D

mecanix

Briar ,
In my small experience people will cary on and judge regardless of what we do .

For me now .. my recovery comes first before all that ..

Just get through the day and see where you get , thats what i did .. trying to look into the future , to pre-judge how things will end up for me was always an exercise in futility and just got me flapping about and emotional over stuff that hadn't happened or might not happen .

Keep on , m

Mags1

Our workforce is the same, some big drinkers. They get ribbed if they drink too much and you get ribbed if you don't drink at all. Their words their problem.

Deckard

Briar, serious question: Is the opinion of these people important enough that you would make yourself sick and miserable to please them? Should you grant them that kind of power over you?

AdmimalBlueEyes

Maybe find a new spot to work ? it dosnt sound that happy or healthy ,

instant

Part of me getting sober was having to get used to the idea that it's different for me than other people,,,,,,,,,, and it's not going to change. I have accepted I just have to sit with whatever pain that brings............it's not easy but it's one of the prices of sanity

Nuudawn

I don't know bout all the other...but ^^^^ boy did that hit home in my heart.

OklaBH

I don't know, I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to be who I am now. I have to change, but the rest of the world stays the same. I don't know where the pieces are going to land.


and there it is folks....this is a huge statement.

Best of luck to you. All i can advise (because I hear it at work too) minimal conversation and do your job. You are eons ahead of the people that consider humiliating and slowly killing themselves a "cool thing".

Tang

Briar - I could have written this post. Worse yet we are told to take our customers out drinking so there is added pressure there! I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

FreeOwl

I understand.


But here's what I have experienced;

As I've figured out how to be who I am....

As I've continued to focus on being the best me I can be....

As I've watched the pieces land....

It's gotten better and better.

There may be people I've lost my 'connection' with. There may even be people who wrote me off or talk about me behind my back.

But I don't care. The life I'm building, the people moving into it now, the person I'm evolving into.... All are worth so much more than a thousand big drinking big talking pals could ever be.

jazzfish

Yes, it's tough, but then there is the reality of being a big drinker. It simply isn't compatible with sustaining human life and will eventually take its toll. I was "lucky" enough to be the youngest one in the drinking crowd. It was all fun in games until the older drinkers started dropping from heart attacks and liver failure, or got the shakes so bad they drank with two hands. Most managed to carry on, but I can only imagine what their lives were like. Maybe they were satisfied with it. I wasn't satisfied with the way my life was going. I decided to make a change.

FreeOwl

My friend Greg was a big drinker.


Everyone lauded Greg's ability to drink.

They still drink to Greg.

I wonder how he'd really feel about them, drinking to his memory..... The poison that killed him slowly and miserably....

BernieE

For me, I recognize that it comes down to wanting to be one of the cool kids, and the cool kids are the ones who drink and smoke and break the rules. I'm 59 and A big part of me still wants to fit in with the in crowd. Time to grow up.

Fly N Buy

A few days back a member posted about making friends in adult hood. I think it was LBrain, perhaps.

Part of it was regarding a container theory. That certain people we came in contact with existed in a space or container - like work.

When I got sober I had to change many people, places and things. Sometimes that even involves work. When I left a company, I found in truth I had little in common with coworkers and never saw most of them again. Not suggesting to need to quit - but maybe need to expand the sober circle outside of work??

Are you concerned about what a hung over bombastic blowhard thinks about anything???? I learned in group that some in recovery have to get softer and some tougher. I was the latter - I needed to toughen up, stay my course and ignore those ( other than directly relating to work issues) as part of my sober plan.

Glad you're here!!
FlyN

Anna

As others have said, ultimately it's not important what your co-workers think of your drinking or not drinking. You have to live with yourself and your choices.

ubntubnt

Briar, been with groups like that many times. Usually its just drink talk. You know....the male bonding BS stuff you hear guys talking when they are drinking and there are no girls around or they are at a football game? Its not meant to be serious and intellectually rigorous. Its just BS talk. My guess the same people, if you got them one their own with or with or without drink would be far more sensitive and approachable. Its just drunken group dynamics down the pub/bar. Ignore it all the way. Despite what they say they will be far more likely to respect you that ridicule you on a personal level....and who cares about drunken bar talk anyway. Your journey has already elevated you above that.

DefconOne

Peer pressure is a big tripping point for alcoholics. You need to learn how to just say no thanks and ask for something else to drink that might be handy (soda, tea, etc). If its not available and your being forced upon just excuse yourself and leave. It takes practice and preparation but as an alcoholic who can't control your drinking you have no choice.