ArtFriend

Talked with my aunt who lives in Minnesota last night. She blames me for the alienation between myself and my brothers. One is a religious cuckoo and the other a long term end stage alcoholic. The A brother has been feeding my aunt lies about me and about himself. He is a skilled manipulator who inserts just enough of the truth to make the lie palatable.

Why are alcoholics such excellent liars?

trachemys

Motivation. We are motivated to do anything to get our next drink. All addicts become skilled at lying and manipulation. It's just what we do.

hopeful4

In my opinion they are liars because of two things. One, they lie to cover up the depth of their addiction. Two, they learn to manipulate the situation with lies so they are not blamed for things, which makes them feel even worse.

I also think that many times the addiction is just a symptom of other personality disorders (not for all, but many), and of course a part of those is lies and manipulation.

This is just my take on it from reading here and my exposure to many various alcoholics through Celebrate Recovery and other things I participate in.

My best advise to you would be to put your own sobriety first, always. The other is to simply keep your own side of the street clean. Sometimes people are in denial and will listen to the lies and manipulation and believe that. However, many times people are able to look at actions and see just who is telling the truth and who is not.

XXX

JT0626

I think part of the lies also have to do with shame. When you attach shame to the things you do, the embarrassment of it will make you want to cover it up.

downtown3

A hard wired safety measure that preserves the chance for future drunkenness.

Hope7726

For alcoholics and addicts, their drink and their drugs are THE most important thing to them. They are necessary for survival. They will do/say ANYTHING to protect that. It's not something us "normies" can understand, I think. I often wonder if they believe their own lies. They are so convincing.

Nonsensical

I lied to protect my ability to drink. In my alcoholic mind it slowed the flow of negative consequences.

Too bad it never occurred to me that turning into a liar was a negative consequence of drinking. I realized that part later.

ArtFriend

My A brother is a pathological liar. He lies even when telling the truth would be easier. A result of years of drinking or did he start drinking to deal with the lies? Anyway..very damaging. He has assassinated my character with key people and it is impossible to remedy that.

Raider

Not all of us lie. There are some of us that do not need to lie. Some of us live with people who think our drinking is not a problem.

SoberLeigh

Maybe not impossible, ArtFriend. Liars eventually tend to implode. Aditionally, your character and actions speak louder than any words; keep doing what you know is right; others probably will notice someday; try to remember that doing what YOU know and believe is right will bring YOU happiness and satisfaction.

foolsgold66

I think you've turned a personal circumstance into a generalization, Artfriend.

Nuudawn

I'm with JT026...yup, it's all about "shame" to me.

helpimalive

I was born a liar. The impulse to deny or modify reality because reality is not good enough as it is ... Also helps me believe that everything really will be alright if I just had some drinks, I think. Being drunk for me is a way to deny and modify reality just like lying.

ArtFriend

Thanks Leigh.. good point. I think the problem I have is that I am geographically distant from many of the people he has lied to, including his kids. So they only get his side of things and do not verify with me. Instead of checking things out, they blindly accept his word. So, I have become persona non grata.

But, I will try to be the bigger person and do the right thing. It's all I can do really. But it is sad that he has poisoned so many people. More victims of alcohol.

Thomasthetank

This, a million times this.

ArtFriend

I beg to differ. I think most alcoholics are liars, regardless of my personal circumstances.

least

I lied to my kids so I could keep drinking. I hid my wine and lied to them about drinking. No more lies anymore!

Nuudawn

Sorry..I must add...why is your aunt "blaming" anyone...
If your brother is in late stage alcoholism...well, his cognitive abilities, spirituality etc etc etc has been long compromised.
You are here at SR and your other sibling is by your description a "religious cuckoo" which is another way to hide..another attachment gone wrong.

Where does the blame and the judgement and the anger end?

Something is wrong..something is broken...where's the love and grace.

Thomasthetank

For a time I worried I had sociopathic tendencies because of my ability to lie and not feel bad about it, as long as I could drink. All the guilt hits me now, like I'm making up for lost time.

bradley26

I lied because im ashamed of my drinking and didnt want my family to know the seriousness of my drinking. In the end it catches up to us all.