Ok. Help, ok?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Ok. Help, ok?
My niece is going back to Texas at 5am. I'll be up at 300am to take her to the airport. I leave Tuesday and I am dying inside at the thought Of leaving my parents. I cannot breathe thinking about it. There is no oxygen. Too much happened too fast. I can't catch up. How is this going to work for them? They will grieve and I won't be there. Crap. Now I have a thousand things to do in two days. These things have to be done. Including going to Church, spending Sunday night with Mom while Dad is at Church, I have an app at 1000am on Monday morning, then spend the rest of the time with them, up at 330am on Tuesday for my flight. Ok. This is my question. I have not given one second of thought to my sobriety. I haven't drank in 10 or so days. My niece is here drinking on the couch. I don't feel one thing or had one thought about drinking. I haven't done paid any attention to drinking or not. All I feel is grief. Horrible grief. What is going on here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 66
I don't know your situation, but I can feel your pain.
I know that when I put things in front of my sobriety, all is lost. Sobriety always comes first, and somehow, everything else gets taken care of.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.
Jwalker
I know that when I put things in front of my sobriety, all is lost. Sobriety always comes first, and somehow, everything else gets taken care of.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.
Jwalker
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Raider 
There hasn't been time for that Scott.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hugs to you Raider. 
Maybe you just know that you need to be present. The emotion and feelings are real, intense and unlike anything you have experienced before. Your mind and body does not have room for numbing or getting rid of anything that you are feeling.
Feeling keeps you connected.
Maybe you just know that you need to be present. The emotion and feelings are real, intense and unlike anything you have experienced before. Your mind and body does not have room for numbing or getting rid of anything that you are feeling. Feeling keeps you connected.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Raider
There hasn't been time for that Scott.
" I have not given one second of thought to my sobriety. "
BOOM..... There it is, helping others helps you not drink.
Precisely what Bill and Bob figured out when they started AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I thought about a grief counseling. But everyone is sad when a loved one passes so unexpectedly. And leaving your aging parents is common among people our age, who doesn't grieve these things? And this grief is so overwhelming, I cannot breathe. I can't grieve here. But I can't stop grieving. I don't feel like my grief is anymore overwhelming than anyone else's. But I guess I don't know that. I'm scared to leave here and scars to go.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by Raider
I thought about a grief counseling. But everyone is sad when a loved one passes so unexpectedly. And leaving your aging parents is common among people our age, who doesn't grieve these things? And this grief is so overwhelming, I cannot breathe. I can't grieve here. But I can't stop grieving. I don't feel like my grief is anymore overwhelming than anyone else's. But I guess I don't know that. I'm scared to leave here and scars to go.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Pam, for me, grief is an up and down thing. I don't know if one could survive the piercing, sharp pain if it was steady. I think most of us need help in coming into the reality of Death. while I could manage the concept, I couldnt get a grip on the pain. I remember laying in bed, feeling my heartbeat and wondering how it could keep beating in such pain.
Bereavement counseling is not a long term, drawn-out deal. It's usually short term, six or so sessions. I think it's good to grieve properly, to allow and reconcile the emotions. I don't think it ever goes away, I think I just learned to live with it, to put it in a proper context.
Drinking interferes with the process and makes it much more painful, I found. and the pain can't be held down. mourning is necessary.
I know I'm explaining this poorly. please know I do understand, I do want to help. you might call your local hospital and check with the social service department to see if they can refer you to a grief counselor. And you might want to look at getting some help with coping with your aged and much loved parents. It's a hard transition, it was for me.
And you know, we will be here for you.
love from Lenina
Bereavement counseling is not a long term, drawn-out deal. It's usually short term, six or so sessions. I think it's good to grieve properly, to allow and reconcile the emotions. I don't think it ever goes away, I think I just learned to live with it, to put it in a proper context.
Drinking interferes with the process and makes it much more painful, I found. and the pain can't be held down. mourning is necessary.
I know I'm explaining this poorly. please know I do understand, I do want to help. you might call your local hospital and check with the social service department to see if they can refer you to a grief counselor. And you might want to look at getting some help with coping with your aged and much loved parents. It's a hard transition, it was for me.
And you know, we will be here for you.
love from Lenina
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Pam, I know exactly what you mean. My parents are only an hour and a half away. I spend every moment I can with them these days. The grief is a precursor. It's knowing that this may be the last time I see one of them alive. That's terrifying. Thinking about it makes my eyes tear up.
All we can do is soldier on. Accept reality. Cherish them and show them our love every moment we live.
All we can do is soldier on. Accept reality. Cherish them and show them our love every moment we live.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Nothing more to say that hasn't already been said. There's some great advice here as per normal.
I'm glad you're reaching out now since your grief is liable to take on a whole new level when you're back home and have the time to truly let everything sink in. Please don't forget there is plenty of help here & out there in the real world. All you have to do is look for it and ask.
More than anything, I just want to send you support & love.
I'm glad you're reaching out now since your grief is liable to take on a whole new level when you're back home and have the time to truly let everything sink in. Please don't forget there is plenty of help here & out there in the real world. All you have to do is look for it and ask.
More than anything, I just want to send you support & love.
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
I am so very sorry for your loss, my sister passed away almost two years ago after battling cancer for only five months, so it was "kind of" sudden. Absolutely seek counseling, or at least a grief support group. Take your time with your grief, your parents will grieve in their own way as well. I can not stress how important it is to allow yourself to grieve, if you don't it will eventually catch up and it is not pretty when it does. Good for you for staying sober!
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