Loss - coming back to SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Loss - coming back to SR
Long time no post but I had to come back. I’d say not many of you will remember me but I started on SR back in 2009, same story as most, was losing pretty much everything to booze back then, job, family, respect, health, etc. Stayed 100% sober for a year until my wife (now ex-) went into a bipolar manic state that just blew the wheels off everything in my life (ironically after I had cleaned up so much). Back to the booze for another period (though not quite as bad as before, as I was sole caretaker for my son while she was out “walking the earth” in her mania). We later divorced after her mania subsided, largely due to the amount of debt she racked up while she was gone. We got back together though; I thought it would be good for my son and I still to this day deeply love her – but we didn’t get remarried. Back on the wagon for me, and everything was good up until this past summer.
In June, she was able to get all her debt erased via bankruptcy, and started demanding we get married again. I was not ready for marriage, as I am scared to death of another manic phase starting. So she cheated on me, I found out, she left again in July. Since then I have had a few bad episodes with alcohol and felt I needed to come back here just to share because I need to stay strong. There is a major custody battle on the horizon, as child support will be her only source of income in a few months (I’m still paying her for half of the assets we split in the divorce, but not much is left). She does not want to work – says her bipolar disorder is “disabling” and that it is my responsibility to take care of her for the rest of her life (even though she can go to parties, football games, poker tournaments, etc). I want to keep my son at home because, even though I’m not perfect, I think I am a better option than someone who sees him as an ATM.
So I’m trying. I need to stay totally clean but sometimes I just feel like I’ve lost faith in everything. I’ve tried not drinking, church, counseling, ignoring her, being really nice to her, but it is so tough just dealing with her indifference, my loneliness, and all these other problems I can sometimes shut out but come roaring back at me.
I do know that not drinking is one very positive step that I can take, so I’m going to be around SR for some time to come. Just wanted to reintroduce myself I guess.
In June, she was able to get all her debt erased via bankruptcy, and started demanding we get married again. I was not ready for marriage, as I am scared to death of another manic phase starting. So she cheated on me, I found out, she left again in July. Since then I have had a few bad episodes with alcohol and felt I needed to come back here just to share because I need to stay strong. There is a major custody battle on the horizon, as child support will be her only source of income in a few months (I’m still paying her for half of the assets we split in the divorce, but not much is left). She does not want to work – says her bipolar disorder is “disabling” and that it is my responsibility to take care of her for the rest of her life (even though she can go to parties, football games, poker tournaments, etc). I want to keep my son at home because, even though I’m not perfect, I think I am a better option than someone who sees him as an ATM.
So I’m trying. I need to stay totally clean but sometimes I just feel like I’ve lost faith in everything. I’ve tried not drinking, church, counseling, ignoring her, being really nice to her, but it is so tough just dealing with her indifference, my loneliness, and all these other problems I can sometimes shut out but come roaring back at me.
I do know that not drinking is one very positive step that I can take, so I’m going to be around SR for some time to come. Just wanted to reintroduce myself I guess.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Saddler. Glad you are coming here for support in a most difficult time, and you are absolutely spot on in knowing that staying sober will be of great benefit to you.
It's impossible to know the entire story of course, but to me it sounds as if you've also made a smart choice to simply cut yourself off from your ex as much as you possibly can. It seems as though she's a very toxic person, and you and your children will most likely be much better off with her out of your life for the immediate future.
It's impossible to know the entire story of course, but to me it sounds as if you've also made a smart choice to simply cut yourself off from your ex as much as you possibly can. It seems as though she's a very toxic person, and you and your children will most likely be much better off with her out of your life for the immediate future.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Saddler, welcome <back>
I look forward to seeing you around. As you know, there's lots of support here, and with what you're going through, it sounds as if you could use a little.
-Stay strong-
I do know that not drinking is one very positive step that I can take, so I’m going to be around SR for some time to come.
-Stay strong-
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: san diego CA
Posts: 1
If you feel like you've tried everything, try a nutritional approach. Imbalanced brain chemistry is linked to addiction and relapse and can often be cured through nutritional means. Make sure you are getting enough magnesium, B6, B12, folate, niacin, and protein. Also, avoid inflammation causing foods like wheat, dairy and sugar. they actually promote addiction related reward- seeking behavior. A good multivitamin should be able to correct most nutritional gaps.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome back Saddler 
Personally I think no matter how good our recovery is there are situations and people who will make us unhappy.
I have an ex with a raft of mental health issues she will not do anything about. It was all a little codependent, too.
Drunk or sober that relationship made me unhappy.
These days I try to keep my side of the street as clean as I can, and not drink.
D
Personally I think no matter how good our recovery is there are situations and people who will make us unhappy.
I have an ex with a raft of mental health issues she will not do anything about. It was all a little codependent, too.
Drunk or sober that relationship made me unhappy.
These days I try to keep my side of the street as clean as I can, and not drink.
D
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