Brother killed himself
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,124
Tom, My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My brother died of suicide in April. I stay close to my family, even if we live in 2 different states . And, for myself I continue my meetings and staying close to my AA Family. Hugs to you, you have so much love here on SR.
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
Thomas.....can you talk about your brother? can you let us know what he liked to do? what he was like as a litttle boy? what your mother loved most? I'd like to know about him a bit. HE was a living breathing human being, he deserves our respect...and if we didn't know him in life, I want to know him now. Every life is worthy. Please tell me if you are able.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 396
Sorry to hear this Thomas. I lost my dad last april, He gave up the will to live after my Mother, Then his new wife passed away. It's very hard losing a parent, But I cannot imagine how hard it must be losing a sibling. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm so sorry for your loss, Thomas. My brother is probably my closest friend on this planet, can't imagine him not being there for me. You are right- it was the disease, nothing you did. You are also wise to honor him by staying sober, even though I know it will be painful.
Wishing you well, Tom, and thinking of your brother.
Wishing you well, Tom, and thinking of your brother.
Please remember that you are among friends here on SR. Prayers and thoughts with you and your family.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
A friend of mine, someone who drank around the clock as I did, killed himself about twenty years ago because he simply could not stop. Like me, he'd lost everything important in his life...relationships, family, home, job, dignity. I was sober for several years at the time, and a part of me often believed that this is where his drinking would take him. I was only partly surprised when I got "the call."
He got himself into detox, and I happened to run into him the day he was discharged. He was euphoric, manic, really, and my fears that he would take his life became more intense as a result. He told me that he was taking a trip to the Bahamas, and I implored him to call me once he got there. I never heard from him again.
I don't know what to say about your brother, or in any instance when one of us makes the ultimate sacrifice in response to our drinking and to our psychiatric issues. I can't know whether or not he's in a "better place," though my heart brings me to this kind of thinking.
My only suggestion is that you keep yourself safe, be gentle with yourself, and take to heart that there is a better way for you.
He got himself into detox, and I happened to run into him the day he was discharged. He was euphoric, manic, really, and my fears that he would take his life became more intense as a result. He told me that he was taking a trip to the Bahamas, and I implored him to call me once he got there. I never heard from him again.
I don't know what to say about your brother, or in any instance when one of us makes the ultimate sacrifice in response to our drinking and to our psychiatric issues. I can't know whether or not he's in a "better place," though my heart brings me to this kind of thinking.
My only suggestion is that you keep yourself safe, be gentle with yourself, and take to heart that there is a better way for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by ESD907 
Thomas.....can you talk about your brother? can you let us know what he liked to do? what he was like as a litttle boy? what your mother loved most? I'd like to know about him a bit. HE was a living breathing human being, he deserves our respect...and if we didn't know him in life, I want to know him now. Every life is worthy. Please tell me if you are able.
He was always talented. He was smarter and more charismatic than me. I don't say that putting myself down. He was smarter than most. Most people would have allowed these abilities to make them arrogant. Instead he gave others confidence. If you were at school and had no friends he would use his popularity to get you friends, starting with him.
He seemed to have boundless energy, but it was never destructive. He seemed to see life in a magical way that when you spent enough time with him, you felt you could catch a glimpse of. I'd have loved to see the world through his eyes for a day.
We both had a tough childhood, but he took the worst of it. He protected me and suffered for it, and never let me know what he'd endured until many, many years later. He went through things that nobody should, but it didn't let it change how he was with other people. He took it all inside. I think that's what damaged him, but it's also what made him special. He endured so others didn't have to.
He was always like that, he didn't really value money. When he earned a lot of money he kept his crappy old car with the logic "Why do I want a car to go 200mph? They won't let me drive that fast. Why am I paying for a function that I can never use?". Instead he gave most of his money away, I can't be sure how much, he wouldn't be the type to tell. But he always had a ton of letters from charities he was supporting.
He was spiritual but not religious. He just believed there had to be something else for this strange thing we called life to be real. I think that's what drove him, a belief that every day was a gift.
All this joy hid the depression which ate away at him. It's hard to understand how someone who brings that much joy can have so much sadness deep down.
People think it was the traumas he'd suffered as a kid, but I think it was more than that. All his life, he seemed to experience everything, good and bad, with much greater clarity than anybody else. It was like he was the only one seeing things in colour. He'd watch documentaries with absolute focus, then find out how he could help.
I think the world was too bad for someone that good to cope with.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
It sounds like your brother was gifted. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
However, you Thomas, are the inspiration here. You are processing, taking care of yourself, avoiding alcohol and the drunken grieving scenes, grieving wth more clarity than anyone would expect, and focusing mostly on positive memories. This is all good. I sense a strong and solid character behind your words. Thank you.
However, you Thomas, are the inspiration here. You are processing, taking care of yourself, avoiding alcohol and the drunken grieving scenes, grieving wth more clarity than anyone would expect, and focusing mostly on positive memories. This is all good. I sense a strong and solid character behind your words. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Thomasthetank
My brother was the most fun person I've ever met. He could make you forget, momentarily, that you're an adult with responsibilities and maybe kids and a mortgage and all that stuff, and just enjoy life for right now. He wasn't content wasting away watching TV all day, he'd push you, in the nicest way possible, to seize the day. You'd end up camping out in the middle of the country when you only meant to meet up for a coffee. Led into adventure by this madman.
He was always talented. He was smarter and more charismatic than me. I don't say that putting myself down. He was smarter than most. Most people would have allowed these abilities to make them arrogant. Instead he gave others confidence. If you were at school and had no friends he would use his popularity to get you friends, starting with him.
He seemed to have boundless energy, but it was never destructive. He seemed to see life in a magical way that when you spent enough time with him, you felt you could catch a glimpse of. I'd have loved to see the world through his eyes for a day.
We both had a tough childhood, but he took the worst of it. He protected me and suffered for it, and never let me know what he'd endured until many, many years later. He went through things that nobody should, but it didn't let it change how he was with other people. He took it all inside. I think that's what damaged him, but it's also what made him special. He endured so others didn't have to.
He was always like that, he didn't really value money. When he earned a lot of money he kept his crappy old car with the logic "Why do I want a car to go 200mph? They won't let me drive that fast. Why am I paying for a function that I can never use?". Instead he gave most of his money away, I can't be sure how much, he wouldn't be the type to tell. But he always had a ton of letters from charities he was supporting.
He was spiritual but not religious. He just believed there had to be something else for this strange thing we called life to be real. I think that's what drove him, a belief that every day was a gift.
All this joy hid the depression which ate away at him. It's hard to understand how someone who brings that much joy can have so much sadness deep down.
People think it was the traumas he'd suffered as a kid, but I think it was more than that. All his life, he seemed to experience everything, good and bad, with much greater clarity than anybody else. It was like he was the only one seeing things in colour. He'd watch documentaries with absolute focus, then find out how he could help.
I think the world was too bad for someone that good to cope with.
He was always talented. He was smarter and more charismatic than me. I don't say that putting myself down. He was smarter than most. Most people would have allowed these abilities to make them arrogant. Instead he gave others confidence. If you were at school and had no friends he would use his popularity to get you friends, starting with him.
He seemed to have boundless energy, but it was never destructive. He seemed to see life in a magical way that when you spent enough time with him, you felt you could catch a glimpse of. I'd have loved to see the world through his eyes for a day.
We both had a tough childhood, but he took the worst of it. He protected me and suffered for it, and never let me know what he'd endured until many, many years later. He went through things that nobody should, but it didn't let it change how he was with other people. He took it all inside. I think that's what damaged him, but it's also what made him special. He endured so others didn't have to.
He was always like that, he didn't really value money. When he earned a lot of money he kept his crappy old car with the logic "Why do I want a car to go 200mph? They won't let me drive that fast. Why am I paying for a function that I can never use?". Instead he gave most of his money away, I can't be sure how much, he wouldn't be the type to tell. But he always had a ton of letters from charities he was supporting.
He was spiritual but not religious. He just believed there had to be something else for this strange thing we called life to be real. I think that's what drove him, a belief that every day was a gift.
All this joy hid the depression which ate away at him. It's hard to understand how someone who brings that much joy can have so much sadness deep down.
People think it was the traumas he'd suffered as a kid, but I think it was more than that. All his life, he seemed to experience everything, good and bad, with much greater clarity than anybody else. It was like he was the only one seeing things in colour. He'd watch documentaries with absolute focus, then find out how he could help.
I think the world was too bad for someone that good to cope with.
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