Snowbunting's Sobriety Journal
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Hello sb 
Congrats on your 60 days.
Feeling your feelings really is a bit of a challenge at first, but it actually begins to feel good to actively engage the difficult ones, and "look under them" to see what the trigger is if that makes sense.
I was always fearful and supressing them with drink too.
Under much of my anger turned out to be sadness.
I found by really looking at my negative feelings, and supporting and feeling them fully (not always easy or doable in one go but possible over time)
I learned that they had "done their job" of getting my attention to things in my life that needed adjustment,
and then their energy could be released back to the Universe in peace. . .
A little "new age hippy dippy" perhaps, but true in my world.
What's in a vegan Xmas cake, by the way?
Congrats on your 60 days.
Feeling your feelings really is a bit of a challenge at first, but it actually begins to feel good to actively engage the difficult ones, and "look under them" to see what the trigger is if that makes sense.
I was always fearful and supressing them with drink too.
Under much of my anger turned out to be sadness.
I found by really looking at my negative feelings, and supporting and feeling them fully (not always easy or doable in one go but possible over time)
I learned that they had "done their job" of getting my attention to things in my life that needed adjustment,
and then their energy could be released back to the Universe in peace. . .
A little "new age hippy dippy" perhaps, but true in my world.
What's in a vegan Xmas cake, by the way?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thanks everyone for your kind words 
Hawkeye, I'm such a hippy, so I completely get where you're coming from - thanks. This is the vegan Christmas cake recipe I use. It's marvellous! Needless to say, I leave out the brandy!
It's Day 67 today. I had my first acupuncture appointment (part of my preparation for IVF), and it was... interesting. She seemed impressed by the colour and state of my tongue (I take these compliments where I find them
), and I'm apparently really quite healthy now. That's what quitting drinking will do for you, I suppose We somehow got onto the painful subject of my Dad, and I wasn't very pleased with the way she started pushing her beliefs about the afterlife and spiritualists and psychics - I don't believe in that sort of thing and pretty much dislike it intensely, but I just politely nodded along. I'll go back because the treatment itself was great, and she knows what she's doing medically. But I hope she drops the afterlife stuff.
We bought and erected our Christmas tree at last, and it looks great
And I posted off all our gifts and cards today! And I've bought my husband's first gift! And I've stocked up on lovely non-alcoholic tasty drinks for Christmas Day! And so on and so forth. This organisation thing will take some getting used to, but I like it
Hawkeye, I'm such a hippy, so I completely get where you're coming from - thanks. This is the vegan Christmas cake recipe I use. It's marvellous! Needless to say, I leave out the brandy!
It's Day 67 today. I had my first acupuncture appointment (part of my preparation for IVF), and it was... interesting. She seemed impressed by the colour and state of my tongue (I take these compliments where I find them
), and I'm apparently really quite healthy now. That's what quitting drinking will do for you, I suppose We somehow got onto the painful subject of my Dad, and I wasn't very pleased with the way she started pushing her beliefs about the afterlife and spiritualists and psychics - I don't believe in that sort of thing and pretty much dislike it intensely, but I just politely nodded along. I'll go back because the treatment itself was great, and she knows what she's doing medically. But I hope she drops the afterlife stuff. We bought and erected our Christmas tree at last, and it looks great
And I posted off all our gifts and cards today! And I've bought my husband's first gift! And I've stocked up on lovely non-alcoholic tasty drinks for Christmas Day! And so on and so forth. This organisation thing will take some getting used to, but I like it 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Day 70 - I'll be 10 weeks sober when I wake up tomorrow morning
My moods have taken a bit of a dip since coming off my anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds, but I'm using the coping mechanisms I've developed since quitting drinking, and I'm doing okay. This week has been better than last week. I feel quite content now, I think. Whenever I open the fridge, I see the non-alcoholic Christmas drinks I bought, and feel *excited* about getting to open them for Christmas Eve. I'm looking forward to the taste, and the ceremony of it. I couldn't care less that I'm not drinking this Christmas - I'm glad I'm not.
We climbed this mountain today, which is by my house:
It was edifying and wonderful, being alone together at the top on a beautiful sunny December day.
I'm going to make some snowflake decorations for the window now
My moods have taken a bit of a dip since coming off my anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds, but I'm using the coping mechanisms I've developed since quitting drinking, and I'm doing okay. This week has been better than last week. I feel quite content now, I think. Whenever I open the fridge, I see the non-alcoholic Christmas drinks I bought, and feel *excited* about getting to open them for Christmas Eve. I'm looking forward to the taste, and the ceremony of it. I couldn't care less that I'm not drinking this Christmas - I'm glad I'm not.
We climbed this mountain today, which is by my house:
It was edifying and wonderful, being alone together at the top on a beautiful sunny December day.
I'm going to make some snowflake decorations for the window now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Happy New Year everyone! 
It was my first sober Christmas and New Year since my mid-teens, and I had a lovely time I'm 11 days sober today, and feeling happy. I did, unfortunately, drink 12 days ago, having come off my anti-anxiety medication and had a massive anxiety attack. It made me realise just how important the link between anxiety and alcohol really is for me, and I'm back on my medication now, and intend to work on my anxiety problem this year. Now that I'm sober, I can really address these things.
Last night, just after midnight and the bells and fireworks and Auld Lang Syne, my husband and I walked around the block together (the night was peaceful, mild, and still), then read for an hour in bed.
Flashback to last year's New Year's Eve, which I spent sobbing hysterically, surrounded by wine bottles. I was in deep grief for my father and it was a very difficult time, I was using alcohol to cope, and it was terrible and frightening. I spent most of 2014 wanting to quit but not feeling remotely ready for or capable of a life without alcohol. The 71 days of sobriety I achieved between October and December have proved to me that I *am* ready and *am* capable.
I know that 2015 will be so much better than 2014. Things are happening in my life, and I have ambitions, and sobriety is an important part of both. I'll keep updating this diary, as I've grown rather fond of it
It was my first sober Christmas and New Year since my mid-teens, and I had a lovely time
I'm 11 days sober today, and feeling happy. I did, unfortunately, drink 12 days ago, having come off my anti-anxiety medication and had a massive anxiety attack. It made me realise just how important the link between anxiety and alcohol really is for me, and I'm back on my medication now, and intend to work on my anxiety problem this year. Now that I'm sober, I can really address these things. Last night, just after midnight and the bells and fireworks and Auld Lang Syne, my husband and I walked around the block together (the night was peaceful, mild, and still), then read for an hour in bed.
Flashback to last year's New Year's Eve, which I spent sobbing hysterically, surrounded by wine bottles. I was in deep grief for my father and it was a very difficult time, I was using alcohol to cope, and it was terrible and frightening. I spent most of 2014 wanting to quit but not feeling remotely ready for or capable of a life without alcohol. The 71 days of sobriety I achieved between October and December have proved to me that I *am* ready and *am* capable.
I know that 2015 will be so much better than 2014. Things are happening in my life, and I have ambitions, and sobriety is an important part of both. I'll keep updating this diary, as I've grown rather fond of it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Happy New Year to you too SB
I'm glad this one was a happy one for you.
Thank you for the recipe which looks delicious.
I enjoy reading your diary very much and love the images as well--
glad to share a bit of your sober life
I'm glad this one was a happy one for you.
Thank you for the recipe which looks delicious.
I enjoy reading your diary very much and love the images as well--
glad to share a bit of your sober life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Hi I haven't been updating the diary much, as I haven't really felt the need. I'm coming up to a month sober again after the slip I had in December, and feeling in a very stable, happy sober mindset. I'm back on the anti-anxiety meds, and they help lots. I'm not counting sober days anymore, as I see that it can be counter-productive (and having said that, I just realised I'm 30 days sober today).
I've been getting fit this year! So far it's going great - I can run two miles now, which I never would have been able to do a couple of months ago. I swim a lot and do sit-ups every day, and alternate ballet and yoga at home. I'm reading a lot too, and taking photographs and listening to music. I turn 30 in just over a week's time, and I'm so looking forward to being in my thirties. My twenties were horrible, and I'm relieved to be emerging from them in one piece. I feel that I have learned a lot about how to live a happy life in the last few months - more than I learned in the last ten years put together. The world to me now is so full of things I want to discover and think about and explore and experience. I'm practiced at processing and distancing myself from the bad thoughts that used to consume me while I was drinking. And I'm really, really looking forward to spring and growing my own fruit and vegetables to use in the kitchen. I've 'chitted' some potatoes already, and have sown some indoor coriander. I find nurturing plants profoundly theraputic.
I'm halfway through watching Fellini's 8 1/2 at the moment, so on that note, an obligatory gif
I haven't been updating the diary much, as I haven't really felt the need. I'm coming up to a month sober again after the slip I had in December, and feeling in a very stable, happy sober mindset. I'm back on the anti-anxiety meds, and they help lots. I'm not counting sober days anymore, as I see that it can be counter-productive (and having said that, I just realised I'm 30 days sober today). I've been getting fit this year! So far it's going great - I can run two miles now, which I never would have been able to do a couple of months ago. I swim a lot and do sit-ups every day, and alternate ballet and yoga at home. I'm reading a lot too, and taking photographs and listening to music. I turn 30 in just over a week's time, and I'm so looking forward to being in my thirties. My twenties were horrible, and I'm relieved to be emerging from them in one piece. I feel that I have learned a lot about how to live a happy life in the last few months - more than I learned in the last ten years put together. The world to me now is so full of things I want to discover and think about and explore and experience. I'm practiced at processing and distancing myself from the bad thoughts that used to consume me while I was drinking. And I'm really, really looking forward to spring and growing my own fruit and vegetables to use in the kitchen. I've 'chitted' some potatoes already, and have sown some indoor coriander. I find nurturing plants profoundly theraputic.
I'm halfway through watching Fellini's 8 1/2 at the moment, so on that note, an obligatory gif
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