Simpleman1979

So I’m still very, very new here and have only posted once because I don’t want to come off like I get on here to be all self-absorbed and whine and feel sorry for myself. I’m in the position I’m in because I allowed myself to get here and am having a huge problem with procrastination in regards to stopping. It is nice though to get to read everybody’s inspirational words and similar stories and know that there’s hope in what seems like an impossible task.
So I was kinda wondering if anybody else does this: when I get fired up and motivated to stop, it is usually on a day that I have already deemed a drinking day. Like, I get all happy and driven and start looking forward to what life will be like without booze, but I’m starting to realize what’s really making me happy in those times is knowing I’m gonna be hammering booze later on and it’s ok because I’ve “decided to stop.” Meaning, I’ve got a green light to drink today because once the weekend’s over I’m gonna be serious about stopping. It’s a joke, I had no idea I was doing this to myself. I didn’t realize I didn’t have genuine intentions of stopping. Very frustrating. Thanks everybody, I’m very grateful for this forum. Please send up prayers that I can finally have the balls to do this.

Nonsensical

I used to do that. I had countless negotiations with my addiction. Or, I thought I was having a negotiation. I'll do this one last time and then you'll leave me alone starting on Monday, right?

One day I realized that sumbeach never held up his end of the bargain. He just lied to me to get what he wanted.

I don't negotiate with my addiction anymore. I get better bargains from the wall - it doesn't promise me anything, it just ignores me.

Best of Luck!

TiredEnough

I did the same thing with dope. Saying I would quit on monday made me fine about hammering down extra hard that weekend. Of course, when monday hit, more dope.

N3p3nth3

Isn't it amazing how we can rationalize things!? I didn't tell myself this particular distortion of reality, but I certainly did many others.

Coldfusion

For me, it took a trip to detox in order to quit. I needed to be away from booze and under supervision. A few days was all it took.

Ghostlight1

Glad you posted.
I tried to quit every way possible, including how you describe.
Swearing it off, solemn oaths, pouring it down the drain and the old 'I'll never drink again'-until I sobered up and felt I was cured. I'm serious. I was really fooling myself and I was totally sincere through all this.

Needless to say, it took me a long time to quit. But I never gave up. If I had, I'd be on the street.
So don't give up on yourself. I had to get honest with myself, and it sounds like that's what you're doing. I was a bad drunk. Now I'm not, but I'm one drink away from being one again.
Take it one day at a time and make your reward sobriety in and of itself.
Best to you. You can do this,

ElleDee

About a hundred times. This is my last bottle and I'm going to stop. As soon as I finish this bottle, I'm going to stop. After the weekend... and so on it goes.

My liver is in jeopardy and I decided I want to live.

Fly N Buy

Noon - Gonna stop drinking and smoking
Midnight - Dang, left my cigarettes at the bar!

The lies I told myself for many years about tomorrow, next week, next month. What a joke. There were times I actually meant it. Then I'd get a little undrunkness (it surely wasn't sobriety - as that is a lot more than just not drinking) and think - guess I'm good to go now! Wrong.....

When I quit 4 months ago, I had to get deeply honest. My tomorrows were running out. First, I had to be honest to myself about myself and then others. Alcohol is the fuel in the lying gas tank, for me. I had to cast it out - zero.

My recovery is a combo of AA and SR - this is my path, there are others. It had to have face to face support.

Glad you are here, post from the heart and you'll get great sharing of experience, strength and hope!

kind regards,
fly

ghostdad

I quit every morning for years.

heartcore

My AV would say "wow - quitting sounds really great. Let's do that right after we finish off whatever we've got around the house. Tidy up. You know, so we're not wasting anything..."

It isn't like the AV blunders in hissing "drink, scumbag, drink" (mine didn't anyway) Someone on here described their AV as being "tricksy" - and I felt that rush of agreement, yes, that's mine, so "tricksy."

This ain't a gentle coffee date, this conversation with my AV about quitting. This has to be full scale battle, armored up, weaponed up. I have to be smarter. And tougher. I have to be bad-a** warrior girl standing astride the path and saying "you shall not pass" in a voice made out of metal.

It is a trick that we can only "start self improvement schemes" at the beginning of the day. You are actually capable of starting anything RIGHT NOW. THIS INSTANT. Your AV isn't going to like that. Leaves less time for that voice to plan its tricksy response.

Simpleman1979

I appreciate all the replies, it made my day today. God bless ya'll. I see I'm in good company.

Hevyn

Yes you are - and don't hold back Simpleman - you can't come off as self-absorbed. We're all in this together, and we understand what you're going through.

Lorax1981

I'm praying you will grow a pair... Seriously though you can do it!
-Ted

Simpleman1979

HAHA Thanks Ted

doggonecarl

It doesn't take balls to quit. All it takes is action...often in the face of our fears and denials.

Good luck.

Fiona630

OMG! I love your warrior girl! That is it too! It is a battle to decide to be sober and a battle to stay sober.

And I did the same thing. So excited that this weekend was it. Next week hello sober and healthy life. Hell yes! I got this! So im pounding away drinks saturday night. People are like wow, your in rare form. I tell them well this is my last hoorah! Im quitting next week...time to get healthy. Great idea said the other drunks. Come sunday im too hungover to shop for healthy food. Monday too busy. Tuesday too lazy. Wednesday im rethinking this entire thing over pizza. Afterall, there are parties to go to coming up and weddings, I HAVE to drink at those or my friends will get upset. Thursday Im getting a 30 pack and will just cut back. I got this!

Now Im more like "f" you AV! I flick you off my shoulder. lol. hopefully I will keep that mentality!

esinger

This is not unique at all. I new I had a serious problem for years and made that promise to myself every morning. I remember getting up really rough, going to the garage for my smoke with my OJ, pulling my bottle out of the tool box and pouring in my shot. I'd sit there shaking and promise myself this was the last day.

It basically took me getting hit over the head with a sledge hammer to take action.

Don't get hit in the head with a sledge hammer. It hurts

You can do it. The worst part is getting started. It's so worth it!

Hawks

I woke up every morning for 7 years and the first thought in my head would be "drink "
Second thought would be " not again, not today, don't do it"

Some days I made it till the evening, some days till the afternoon, some days I was drinking within minutes of getting out of bed.

Eventually, towards the end, I put cans in my bedside drawer, so I didn't even have to get out of bed.

If you don't identify with my story..... My story is the one you can have, if you keep drinking.

Best of luck with your decision

Altoids

Hi Simpleman - Please don't ever feel like you are whining or coming off self absorbed. WE are all in the same boat. There is nothing you are going thru that some of us haven't done, been thru, thought, did, didn't do, should have done, said. . . It is the same story over and over and over. This is the place to be your total, 100% self. Post away. Your posts help others, bc if you are going thru it, someone else is, too. It takes all of us together to make this happen.

bigsombrero

Yep, I did that Simpleman! Started talking to myself out loud: "going to have to stop this, first thing tomorrow". I'd often mutter that when pouring my first drink of the day. Oddly, I'd never say those words until the booze was already in the glass. It was easier to lie to myself when I had the warm and comforting knowledge that I was on my way to getting drunk that day.

Alas, tomorrow never came. Ended up in the ambulance a few times after having seizures, and finally ended up in detox. You'd have never known by looking at me that I was an alcoholic, either. But I nearly died and when I started the circle the drain things got real serious, real quick.

I'm jealous of others who got sober before the ambulance ride. How about you do yourself a favor and quit before your health fails, too? Trust me, you'll be happy you did. You're going to have to stop one way or another...why not make it on your terms? Good luck and welcome!