Hi... trying to get balanced again
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 479
Welcome! I hope you will stay here at SR. I'm on day 14 and am finding this to be very supportive having daily checkins here. There are so many caring people here wanting to help you achieve a happier life. Oh and what you said about alcohol being a jealous lover... It's so true! That's a very astute observation I think. I have lost track of all hobbies etc for at least 8 years due to alcohol. I still have no idea where to start in terms of hobbies as I have no idea what I "like" to do besides drinking.... But I'm sure I'll figure it out as long as I remain strong and sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
I spent years drinking alone holed up in my apartment. Rarely saw my family or friends for a good 5 years. Spent the last few Christmases alone. I feel your pain Art
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Hi Artfriend,
I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through and the losses you have had to deal with. I'm glad you found SR. It's a great place with wonderful people who really care about each other.
You are now connected with friends from all over the world, who are here to help each other.
Along with posting here, is there any chance you can get some help from a therapist? I just can't imagine going through what you are without some 1-1 time with someone that can help guide you through your crisis.
Reaching out here is a great start and I hope you let us know how you are doing, but maybe other support would help also.
Take care, John
I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through and the losses you have had to deal with. I'm glad you found SR. It's a great place with wonderful people who really care about each other.
You are now connected with friends from all over the world, who are here to help each other.
Along with posting here, is there any chance you can get some help from a therapist? I just can't imagine going through what you are without some 1-1 time with someone that can help guide you through your crisis.
Reaching out here is a great start and I hope you let us know how you are doing, but maybe other support would help also.
Take care, John
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Mags1
Welcome ArtFriend, as you see, we have a fantastic group of people who understand and empathise with you.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Welcome, Artfriend. I am so sorry for all of your pain and losses. It sounds like that it is time to give loving, tender care to Yourself. Imbibing poison is not part of that plan. Let us help you to help yourself get better. 
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
I don't want to go thru another lonely drunk holiday season!
I too completely relate to alcohol being a jealous lover. By the end of my bottom I had no hobbies or interests left. I couldn't even get through a book, something that has carried me through life since I remember myself.
Stay close to the site, post a lot and read a lot, it really helps.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Yep, I have to agree.. . .SR is the best place to hang out. I find myself reading post after post, and playing some of the games in some of the threads. The people here GET IT. I swear that there is nothing that I have gone through or will go through that someone here hasn't experienced. The wisdom, friendship, encouragement and fun is wonderful. Together we can do this!!! Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 230
Welcome!
I am very sorry for all of the loss you have suffered. I have also lost my whole family and have one brother who has nothing to do with me, so I totally feel your pain.
I felt totally alone when I came here too. Was drinking 24/7 to hide from everything and make the pain go away.
When I found SR, I was in a really bad place. The people and support here have gotten me though some pretty bad times. You no longer feel alone and there is always someone around no matter what time it is.
I am really glad you found this site. You are now surrounding by a whole new family!
Keep coming back and ask for help when you need it.
I am very sorry for all of the loss you have suffered. I have also lost my whole family and have one brother who has nothing to do with me, so I totally feel your pain.
I felt totally alone when I came here too. Was drinking 24/7 to hide from everything and make the pain go away.
When I found SR, I was in a really bad place. The people and support here have gotten me though some pretty bad times. You no longer feel alone and there is always someone around no matter what time it is.
I am really glad you found this site. You are now surrounding by a whole new family!
Keep coming back and ask for help when you need it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Good Morning, ArtFriend, and welcome to another day with your SR family.
I was thinking about you last night and the sister you lost on 9/11. 9/11s terror was far-reaching; I didn't lose anyone close to me (some friends/business associates had friends or business associates who perished) but its geographic proximity to me made it a nightmare. I didn't cope well and my nightly drinking began then (I don't blame it on 9/11; I poured the alcohol down my own throat). It makes me wonder how many people were "tipped over the edge" by 9/11 - makes me wonder about the Long Arm of Terror that no one sees.
I am so sorry about your sister; I can't begin to imagine how horrific that day (and the many that followed) must have been for you.
You really don't have to be alone any more, ArtFriend.
I was thinking about you last night and the sister you lost on 9/11. 9/11s terror was far-reaching; I didn't lose anyone close to me (some friends/business associates had friends or business associates who perished) but its geographic proximity to me made it a nightmare. I didn't cope well and my nightly drinking began then (I don't blame it on 9/11; I poured the alcohol down my own throat). It makes me wonder how many people were "tipped over the edge" by 9/11 - makes me wonder about the Long Arm of Terror that no one sees.
I am so sorry about your sister; I can't begin to imagine how horrific that day (and the many that followed) must have been for you.
You really don't have to be alone any more, ArtFriend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Good morning SoberLeigh! And thank you for your kind words. You know I was also thinking about the terrorist aspect as well. All this talk about ISIS and threats to the homeland recently has ratcheted up my anxiety levels. I know many people were affected directly (like me) but many more thousands indirectly (like my mom who I think died of a broken heart). It is so very sad. And then there are those first responders who became ill. I heard 3 firefighters who were at the Twin Towers all died on the same day last week from 9/11 related cancers!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Artfriend and welcome. We do all get it! I know it is difficult to not feel some sort of anger for your family not understanding, but I have found that very few non-alcoholics do understand. I felt the same way, I was really angry at my boyfriend for not being able to understand what I am going through and what it feels like. But I stopped worrying about that and just decided to concentrate on my own stuff. I have to say, letting go of that anger felt relieving.
Just think how wonderful it will feel when you feel ready to get back into your art. That is something great for you to look forward to. Until you get there, we are here for you, we will also be here for you after you get there!
Just think how wonderful it will feel when you feel ready to get back into your art. That is something great for you to look forward to. Until you get there, we are here for you, we will also be here for you after you get there!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
ArtFriend. I wrote this for a friend a few years ago who had suffered the loss of a loved one; I used an artist as an analogy as I also had a friend (an artist) who was suffering from severe depression at the time. It seems, given the posts, appropriate to share it at this time. I also feel, in a way, that the death the artist experienced in the poem could be compared to the wreckage we experience as alcoholics.
**********************
About “Seeking Inspiration”
“Seeking Inspiration” is a passage of loss, anguish and acceptance. While it is a story of grief and brokenness, it is also a story of healing and of the courage necessary to go on with life and recovery. It is reflective of a griever who has reached acceptance and is now seeking new paths, new beginnings, new ways in which to channel the energies previously devoted to the lost loved one. It is reflective of a poignant and triumphant moment, one indicative of courage, healing, victory and, at last, renewed hunger and desire.
Seeking Inspiration
Canvases on their easels
Too numerous to count
The artist’s life replete with feeling
Full of blessings her accounts.
Each day inspires the artist
Scenes of dreams yet to fulfill
Paint swirls upon the canvas
With brushstrokes never still.
Her work it hangs in glory
Lines the wall, touches the ceiling
Vibrant color tells her story
Layered texture ripe with meaning
Yet joy soon turns to misery
Without warning, in an instant
Dark, bleak and cold become her scenery
Despair and desolation ever constant.
Form and texture once in chorus
Soon of this become devoid
For death wipes clean its surface
All images destroyed.
Grief rocks the artist’s essence
Rakes at heart and mind and soul
Malicious in its vengeance
With destruction as its goal.
Spirit displaced by numbness
Hunger with disregard
No line or stroke upon the canvas
The artist broken, forlorn and scarred
Yet from among the wells of comfort
Soothing voices, softest hands
Fragments of the artist yet unhurt
Are nurtured and withstand.
She summons all her courage
Without weakness, turns the other cheek
She’s arisen from the wreckage
It is inspiration that she seeks.
Amidst a studio ripe with history
And portfolios locked in time
The artist sits as if in sacristy
Holy vessels by her side.
Chalices of pigment ~ tint, tone and hue and color
Pastels, jewels, and casts and dyes.
A cache of fresh new armor
Quills and brushes, fresh supplies.
New life to paint upon the canvas
New purposes, aims, mystiques
Just a word, a thought, a message
It is inspiration that she seeks.
**********************
About “Seeking Inspiration”
“Seeking Inspiration” is a passage of loss, anguish and acceptance. While it is a story of grief and brokenness, it is also a story of healing and of the courage necessary to go on with life and recovery. It is reflective of a griever who has reached acceptance and is now seeking new paths, new beginnings, new ways in which to channel the energies previously devoted to the lost loved one. It is reflective of a poignant and triumphant moment, one indicative of courage, healing, victory and, at last, renewed hunger and desire.
Seeking Inspiration
Canvases on their easels
Too numerous to count
The artist’s life replete with feeling
Full of blessings her accounts.
Each day inspires the artist
Scenes of dreams yet to fulfill
Paint swirls upon the canvas
With brushstrokes never still.
Her work it hangs in glory
Lines the wall, touches the ceiling
Vibrant color tells her story
Layered texture ripe with meaning
Yet joy soon turns to misery
Without warning, in an instant
Dark, bleak and cold become her scenery
Despair and desolation ever constant.
Form and texture once in chorus
Soon of this become devoid
For death wipes clean its surface
All images destroyed.
Grief rocks the artist’s essence
Rakes at heart and mind and soul
Malicious in its vengeance
With destruction as its goal.
Spirit displaced by numbness
Hunger with disregard
No line or stroke upon the canvas
The artist broken, forlorn and scarred
Yet from among the wells of comfort
Soothing voices, softest hands
Fragments of the artist yet unhurt
Are nurtured and withstand.
She summons all her courage
Without weakness, turns the other cheek
She’s arisen from the wreckage
It is inspiration that she seeks.
Amidst a studio ripe with history
And portfolios locked in time
The artist sits as if in sacristy
Holy vessels by her side.
Chalices of pigment ~ tint, tone and hue and color
Pastels, jewels, and casts and dyes.
A cache of fresh new armor
Quills and brushes, fresh supplies.
New life to paint upon the canvas
New purposes, aims, mystiques
Just a word, a thought, a message
It is inspiration that she seeks.
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