He was one of us ......
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Sorry for your loss Cecilia.I lost a friend a month ago to suicide,picked up a drink after several years sober and killed himself.Over the years I have lost more than a few friends to Alcoholism.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
You know, the only reason I was nice to him was because he was an alcoholic. When I saw him, I saw my father.
My Dad tried to kill himself when I was 12 years old, didn't, because mom retched the gun out of his hand, but almost did.
My Dad did many bad things when he was drunk, including taking my oldest sister to shoot the family dog. He was so screwed up.
When we do not think straight, when we are under the influence, we do not know what hard we cause or maybe even who we are.
I thought that about my friend. It is the reason I befriended him in the first place.
I knew, much like my father years ago, that he was worth merit. I knew he was someone beyond being a drunk. That there was someone else. He wasn't JUST a drunk, although I know for how his family and friends treated him, that is all they could see.
I believe in AA, because I believe in God, but I have never believed that I am a bad person. It is the nature of what afflicts all of us.
My friend and I had a falling out. He squeezed my shoulders too hard when he was drunk one night (I was too) and I asked him to leave. I tried to call and make amends or whatever three times. He has none of it. I couldn't do anymore.
You know, I have never cared all that much if I quit drinking, I just always wanted so much for the people I loved. Always have. Always will. If my drinking gets in the way, I will quit.
And I believe too, there is more to life, unlike AA, than "acceptance." Yes there is. We have to keep trying. Keep fighting. God help all us drunks. We have to care.
You know, it would have been o.k. if my Dad kept drinking, as long as he didn't put it on us. He never put it on me until the night he tried to blow his head off, much like my friend. He was always kind to me.
I don't know if caring about myself is the answer. AA says no, but I think they are lying. I do not see so much caring there. I don't know if I see it here.
But I tell you what, someone needs to. Someone need to give a ****. Someone should care whether drunk idiots make it out alive. I do. I always will.
My Dad tried to kill himself when I was 12 years old, didn't, because mom retched the gun out of his hand, but almost did.
My Dad did many bad things when he was drunk, including taking my oldest sister to shoot the family dog. He was so screwed up.
When we do not think straight, when we are under the influence, we do not know what hard we cause or maybe even who we are.
I thought that about my friend. It is the reason I befriended him in the first place.
I knew, much like my father years ago, that he was worth merit. I knew he was someone beyond being a drunk. That there was someone else. He wasn't JUST a drunk, although I know for how his family and friends treated him, that is all they could see.
I believe in AA, because I believe in God, but I have never believed that I am a bad person. It is the nature of what afflicts all of us.
My friend and I had a falling out. He squeezed my shoulders too hard when he was drunk one night (I was too) and I asked him to leave. I tried to call and make amends or whatever three times. He has none of it. I couldn't do anymore.
You know, I have never cared all that much if I quit drinking, I just always wanted so much for the people I loved. Always have. Always will. If my drinking gets in the way, I will quit.
And I believe too, there is more to life, unlike AA, than "acceptance." Yes there is. We have to keep trying. Keep fighting. God help all us drunks. We have to care.
You know, it would have been o.k. if my Dad kept drinking, as long as he didn't put it on us. He never put it on me until the night he tried to blow his head off, much like my friend. He was always kind to me.
I don't know if caring about myself is the answer. AA says no, but I think they are lying. I do not see so much caring there. I don't know if I see it here.
But I tell you what, someone needs to. Someone need to give a ****. Someone should care whether drunk idiots make it out alive. I do. I always will.
Last edited by Dee74; 09-25-2014 at 07:48 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. So very sad, the depths that alcohol can take us.
My twin brother committed suicide three years ago after failing many times to get sober. He had lost everything, and couldn't stop drinking. I still haven't recovered.
My twin brother committed suicide three years ago after failing many times to get sober. He had lost everything, and couldn't stop drinking. I still haven't recovered.
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