Not what I would have hoped.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Not what I would have hoped.
I fell for the wine last night. I so didn't want that to happen, I wanted to be a success story. I've been trying to be so positive and strong with this.
No excuses here, just an explanation. I had dinner at home, skipping a birthday dinner I was invited to. I made mussels for dinner and this was my first, very stupid mistake. I bought wine to use to cook the mussels. ***Note to self, wake up, food can be prepared without wine**** Stupid, stupid. I had a little sip of the white after I opened the wine to cook with. Bad call.
Later, I went by the birthday, as was my plan, I just wanted to stop by and say hello briefly. This is a woman who literally placed into my very hands a fabulous work opportunity. I felt the need and wanted to go by and say hi. As soon as I arrived she handed me a glass of wine. I just drank it. And then I had 3 more.
I don't know what would have happened if I had gone to the party without the wine at home, but I do feel my resolve would have been stronger. Even just a little sip at home woke up the monster inside and left me in a very bad spot once I arrived to the party.
Not much more to say really, is there? Back at it, at a minimum I can contain the damage to one night instead of going on a week long bender. At least that.
So horribly sad and disappointed in myself.
I thought it only fair to be honest.
No excuses here, just an explanation. I had dinner at home, skipping a birthday dinner I was invited to. I made mussels for dinner and this was my first, very stupid mistake. I bought wine to use to cook the mussels. ***Note to self, wake up, food can be prepared without wine**** Stupid, stupid. I had a little sip of the white after I opened the wine to cook with. Bad call.
Later, I went by the birthday, as was my plan, I just wanted to stop by and say hello briefly. This is a woman who literally placed into my very hands a fabulous work opportunity. I felt the need and wanted to go by and say hi. As soon as I arrived she handed me a glass of wine. I just drank it. And then I had 3 more.
I don't know what would have happened if I had gone to the party without the wine at home, but I do feel my resolve would have been stronger. Even just a little sip at home woke up the monster inside and left me in a very bad spot once I arrived to the party.
Not much more to say really, is there? Back at it, at a minimum I can contain the damage to one night instead of going on a week long bender. At least that.
So horribly sad and disappointed in myself.
I thought it only fair to be honest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
This might come across as misguided or as if I am underplaying the gravity of what I have done, I assure you it is anything but. I also understand that many might disagree with what I am about to say. However, this early relapse has proven to be a useful step. Last night my children were with their father on holiday and my boyfriend spent the night. He is such a lovely man, our love is something very special to me. I hate to miss any moments with him. The past 12 days that I was sober, when he slept over, we fell asleep holding hands in the bed. If I turned in the night, just enough to barely come to, I could feel him next to me, sleeping. It has been such a simple pleasure. Not last night, I passed out cold and when he left for work this morning I barely acknowledged him. When he was gone I missed him terribly, because I hadn't really spent time with him. I was drunk, not there to enjoy our evening and night together. I want to be around to enjoy his company, I can't do that if I am drunk. From now on I will.
I also woke up with the most raging hangover EVER. I don't understand it as I didn't drink my maximum last night (I was a 2+ bottles of wine a day kinda gal). But I guess I just got used to constantly feeling like sh*t and having cleaned myself out the prior 12 days (something I haven't done since I was pregnant) I really felt the full effects. Disgusting. To feel that pain, depression, nausea, etc. with a "clean slate" was very eye opening.
I suppose I could get used to the day in day out hangover again, but my biggest motivator is to not waste my time anymore. Being drunk, drinking is just a waste of time. I'm not "there" with my kids, with my boyfriend. I have enjoyed so much being "there" during my sober time and I want it back.
I also woke up with the most raging hangover EVER. I don't understand it as I didn't drink my maximum last night (I was a 2+ bottles of wine a day kinda gal). But I guess I just got used to constantly feeling like sh*t and having cleaned myself out the prior 12 days (something I haven't done since I was pregnant) I really felt the full effects. Disgusting. To feel that pain, depression, nausea, etc. with a "clean slate" was very eye opening.
I suppose I could get used to the day in day out hangover again, but my biggest motivator is to not waste my time anymore. Being drunk, drinking is just a waste of time. I'm not "there" with my kids, with my boyfriend. I have enjoyed so much being "there" during my sober time and I want it back.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
I so didn't want that to happen, I wanted to be a success story. I've been trying to be so positive and strong with this.
Do you remember this post:
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I think a lot of people will not agree with my strategy here, understandably, but I wanted to share....I think for many, avoiding alcohol at all costs is crucial- keeping it out of the house, staying away from events with drinking. However, I have found that jumping right into that has actually helped me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear you drank, but glad to hear you are back and seeking sobriety. Perhaps you need to re-think your plan? As Carl pointed out, perhaps avoiding alcohol at all costs would be a better plan for at least a while?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Hello Meraviglioso
I can completely understand what you are going through. Please understand that you are human. You have been on a great road to recovery and now you better understand what is at stake (the importance of family, boyfriend, feeling well and healthy etc.)
It was huge that you posted your set back and your determination is evident. Please chalk this up as a learning point and move forward.
From a personal standpoint, I only know you through SR but you have been a huge proponent of support for me and I am sure countless others. Please use this set back to propel your sobriety further. Today is day one and the first day of the rest of your life.
I am praying for you and as you know the support system of SR is here for you as well. Move forward and march on to what you know you have to do!!
I can completely understand what you are going through. Please understand that you are human. You have been on a great road to recovery and now you better understand what is at stake (the importance of family, boyfriend, feeling well and healthy etc.)
It was huge that you posted your set back and your determination is evident. Please chalk this up as a learning point and move forward.
From a personal standpoint, I only know you through SR but you have been a huge proponent of support for me and I am sure countless others. Please use this set back to propel your sobriety further. Today is day one and the first day of the rest of your life.
I am praying for you and as you know the support system of SR is here for you as well. Move forward and march on to what you know you have to do!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 313
Meraviglioso, I'm sorry to hear that you slipped, but so glad that you have come back and are getting back on the sobriety saddle. Try not to beat yourself up too much.
Like I said to you before, I like reading your posts. You come across as a very insightful and determined woman.
Hang in there!
Like I said to you before, I like reading your posts. You come across as a very insightful and determined woman.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
You can still be a success story. However, going to events where alcohol is placed into your hand right as you enter are probably a bad idea. At least make sure that others are aware that you have quit drinking.
"Out somewhere and wanting to feel normal" seems to be a common theme among those who slip up early on.
"Out somewhere and wanting to feel normal" seems to be a common theme among those who slip up early on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. These relapses can be a great wakeup call and or a disaster to our emotional processes. As the expression goes try, try again.
Part of the problem might have been cooking the mussels in the wine. I’ve been around a long time and only recently became aware of the large amount of alcohol left in food that’s been cooked. Try a search to confirm this for yourself.
BE WELL
Part of the problem might have been cooking the mussels in the wine. I’ve been around a long time and only recently became aware of the large amount of alcohol left in food that’s been cooked. Try a search to confirm this for yourself.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks all for your kind words and your advice. I really appreciate it. I just didn't expect this. Everything I do I try to do 100%. I have tried to quit before but it was half-hearted. This time, I was giving it my all and feeling great. I was so (too?) confident and determined. Again, I am not sure how the night would have played out had I not had the sip of wine at home, and the meal prepared with wine. Maybe I would have slipped anyway when the glass was placed in my hand. But I am thinking from the start here and my first mistake was buying wine, then opening the wine, then cooking with the wine.
In any case, what is done is done. I am thankful for my 12 sober days that have given me a glimpse of what can be. This was truly a RELAPSE, not just a going-back-to-drinking-after-two-days type of deal. I learned from it. I won't make the same mistakes again.
1. No buying wine, even for cooking
2. no cooking with wine
3. choosing carefully which events I attend, no matter the desire, no matter the "need"
4. Sobriety comes first
In any case, what is done is done. I am thankful for my 12 sober days that have given me a glimpse of what can be. This was truly a RELAPSE, not just a going-back-to-drinking-after-two-days type of deal. I learned from it. I won't make the same mistakes again.
1. No buying wine, even for cooking
2. no cooking with wine
3. choosing carefully which events I attend, no matter the desire, no matter the "need"
4. Sobriety comes first
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Charlie117926
From a personal standpoint, I only know you through SR but you have been a huge proponent of support for me and I am sure countless others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Funtimefranky
Sorry this has happened to you. No-one can take your 12 sober days away from you, you earned them and they will always be yours. They are not lost, nor were they in vain. Onwards and upwards!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by awholenewlife52
Like I said to you before, I like reading your posts. You come across as a very insightful and determined woman.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I fell for the wine last night. I so didn't want that to happen, I wanted to be a success story. I've been trying to be so positive and strong with this.
No excuses here, just an explanation. I had dinner at home, skipping a birthday dinner I was invited to. I made mussels for dinner and this was my first, very stupid mistake. I bought wine to use to cook the mussels. ***Note to self, wake up, food can be prepared without wine**** Stupid, stupid. I had a little sip of the white after I opened the wine to cook with. Bad call.
Later, I went by the birthday, as was my plan, I just wanted to stop by and say hello briefly. This is a woman who literally placed into my very hands a fabulous work opportunity. I felt the need and wanted to go by and say hi. As soon as I arrived she handed me a glass of wine. I just drank it. And then I had 3 more.
I don't know what would have happened if I had gone to the party without the wine at home, but I do feel my resolve would have been stronger. Even just a little sip at home woke up the monster inside and left me in a very bad spot once I arrived to the party.
Not much more to say really, is there? Back at it, at a minimum I can contain the damage to one night instead of going on a week long bender. At least that.
So horribly sad and disappointed in myself.
I thought it only fair to be honest.
No excuses here, just an explanation. I had dinner at home, skipping a birthday dinner I was invited to. I made mussels for dinner and this was my first, very stupid mistake. I bought wine to use to cook the mussels. ***Note to self, wake up, food can be prepared without wine**** Stupid, stupid. I had a little sip of the white after I opened the wine to cook with. Bad call.
Later, I went by the birthday, as was my plan, I just wanted to stop by and say hello briefly. This is a woman who literally placed into my very hands a fabulous work opportunity. I felt the need and wanted to go by and say hi. As soon as I arrived she handed me a glass of wine. I just drank it. And then I had 3 more.
I don't know what would have happened if I had gone to the party without the wine at home, but I do feel my resolve would have been stronger. Even just a little sip at home woke up the monster inside and left me in a very bad spot once I arrived to the party.
Not much more to say really, is there? Back at it, at a minimum I can contain the damage to one night instead of going on a week long bender. At least that.
So horribly sad and disappointed in myself.
I thought it only fair to be honest.
Stay strong! And please don't be hard on yourself. We've all been there so you aren't alone.
L x
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Thanks for this. I hope from now on my posts will be more inspirational and less fraught with failure.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Thanks for the comments and support you have given me. You and SR have been a big part of helping to keep (and trying to) me sober.
I often hear that being sober for someone else is a set up for failure, But I have to be honest that at this point I am doing it for my children as much as my wife. I am putting myself last in the whole spectrum of importance.
But as long as I stay sober its the best thing for me, so I guess I am doing what's best for me. I'm just going about it on different terms. I will stick with what works for now.
I am ecstatic for you in your last post and the clear determination that you have in moving forward. YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!
I often hear that being sober for someone else is a set up for failure, But I have to be honest that at this point I am doing it for my children as much as my wife. I am putting myself last in the whole spectrum of importance.
But as long as I stay sober its the best thing for me, so I guess I am doing what's best for me. I'm just going about it on different terms. I will stick with what works for now.
I am ecstatic for you in your last post and the clear determination that you have in moving forward. YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
