Dealing with drunk people when sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 344
Dealing with drunk people when sober
My ex fiancee called me drunk at 1 am last night and like a fool I answered, proceeded to be so aggressive, threatening, insulting and disrespectful I was shortly in tears and screaming back at him.
How do you break the cycle, even when you're sober? He's apologized this morning and said "well you just shouldn't talk to me late at night" (implying he's always drunk at night, which is 98 percent the case) but it was so weird just to notice all his personality changes and how impossible it was to reason with him, and how ANGRY he was.
Eughhhh
I didn't drink but I definitely wanted to!
How do you break the cycle, even when you're sober? He's apologized this morning and said "well you just shouldn't talk to me late at night" (implying he's always drunk at night, which is 98 percent the case) but it was so weird just to notice all his personality changes and how impossible it was to reason with him, and how ANGRY he was.
Eughhhh
I didn't drink but I definitely wanted to!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dickinson, ND
Posts: 20
Unfortunately I was that guy. Calling my fiancé late at night. I needed to hit rock bottom and lose her to see the light. I hope he can do the same. She had to cut me off though and quit talking to me for me to see I needed to change.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
Congratulations on not drinking over this!
My dad is an alcoholic, and an angry one at that. After years and years, I set some boundaries with him. One is that I will never call him or accept a call from him after noon.
He still calls after noon, I let it go to voicemail. I don't owe him the benefit of the doubt anymore.
In my opinion "sorry" does not equal an apology and doesn't mean that much to me without some action.
My dad is an alcoholic, and an angry one at that. After years and years, I set some boundaries with him. One is that I will never call him or accept a call from him after noon.
He still calls after noon, I let it go to voicemail. I don't owe him the benefit of the doubt anymore.
In my opinion "sorry" does not equal an apology and doesn't mean that much to me without some action.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Originally Posted by lawgirl82 
He's apologized this morning and said "well you just shouldn't talk to me late at night"
Yeah, but not. Sarcasm there. I did my share of, "I'm sorry, but" followed by something manipulative to shift the blame to someone else.
You may want to look to the friends and family boards for some support in dealing with a drunk ex.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Either just don't answer or if you answer and realize he is drunk then hang up.There will always be people who get drunk and try and get us involved, whether in person or on the phone, but we don't have to get involved.
Avoiding situations, physical or emotional, that make me want to drink is still important to me
Avoiding situations, physical or emotional, that make me want to drink is still important to me
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Maintaining your sobriety is the best thing you can do for yourself in any situation.
Getting through something like this without letting it trigger you makes you stronger.
For me, seeing my husband drunk and angry and obnoxious when I was sober was also
an excellent object lesson in how I had behaved towards him when I was drunk and obnoxious.
So, I took that in as a reminder of what I was not choosing for me and my relationships
any longer, and also after I cooled off, I had a little more understanding of where that
righteous anger he was full of had come from.
Drunks are a pain in the azz. No way around it.
Isn't it great you are sober now?
Getting through something like this without letting it trigger you makes you stronger.
For me, seeing my husband drunk and angry and obnoxious when I was sober was also
an excellent object lesson in how I had behaved towards him when I was drunk and obnoxious.
So, I took that in as a reminder of what I was not choosing for me and my relationships
any longer, and also after I cooled off, I had a little more understanding of where that
righteous anger he was full of had come from.
Drunks are a pain in the azz. No way around it.
Isn't it great you are sober now?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Seeing or talking to drunk people is two sided for me.
First side: Reaffirms why I don't want to drink. Was I actually really like that? YES! Hearing it from the outside is oh so different. It makes me sick to listen to it.
The other side (Alcoholic): I'll get slobbering drunk so I too can have delusions of grandeur. We can all be together congratulating one another for having done absolutely nothing. We then can look forward to waking up the next morning to the reward of depression and anxiety for giving ourselves this great reward.
Good job not drinking!
First side: Reaffirms why I don't want to drink. Was I actually really like that? YES! Hearing it from the outside is oh so different. It makes me sick to listen to it.
The other side (Alcoholic): I'll get slobbering drunk so I too can have delusions of grandeur. We can all be together congratulating one another for having done absolutely nothing. We then can look forward to waking up the next morning to the reward of depression and anxiety for giving ourselves this great reward.
Good job not drinking!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Hey lawgirl, good to see you. Sounds like you're hanging in there with sobriety.
It's always a shocker when we first have to deal with a drunk while sober. Take him at his word: Don't answer the phone.
It's always a shocker when we first have to deal with a drunk while sober. Take him at his word: Don't answer the phone.
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