Raider

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I know I wanted to get out of the heat but crap, woke up to 45 degrees in Baker City, Oregon. It's supposed to be Spring. The Fuzz is a perfect traveler. I will be reading all your replies once we get to the cabin. I can tell you this, your replies mean the world to me. They bring tears to my eyes. So much love and concern, along with so much encouragement. Love ya' bunches.

SoberLeigh

Morning, Raider.

Thinking of you!!!!!

hopeful4

Hi Raider,

Don't let a slip negate all the hard work you have done. You are a wonderful person who has put in so much work to make these positive changes in your life. Those changes have been made, one day does not erase all of that.

I hope you have a nice time and make the right choices as I know YOU CAN DO THIS! You inspire me and so many others on this site.

Huge hugs and much love coming your way!

Mek2

Wow there is so many people who have your back here Raider! Before you read over all these posts I think you need to read over yours again. You have done so much here and are beating this! One or even two days of a slip can be overcome. You can do this!

Cathryn2001

Hi Raider--just wanted to chime in with my support--I believe in you, and I hope that you believe in yourself! Your kindness to others shines through in your posts--please remember to be just as kind and supportive to yourself! xo

Straightshoot

Just thinking about you, hope for the best for you. Sleepy little Fuzz, awwwwwww. Brrr 48. I would love to send you some of this heat down South.

Raider

Finally here. After we get settled in tonight, or tomorrow I plan to reread your lovely posts. I'm so tired of passengering (is that a word), I'll be lucky to make until 8 pm. I will not post about drinking. I don't mind that others do it, but I reread my posts from last summer, and I am surprised someone didn't call the loony bin on me. You will know when I get my **** together. You always do. And I love you for your acceptance of me and my weirdness. I'll be around.

Dee74

Like I've said a few times, SR is for those struggling Raider.

I hope you won;t drink any moire but you posting about drinking won't make me want to drink, but it will probably help keep me, and others here, sober.

There's no need to wait until you have the problem licked in order for you to post.

Straightshoot

Glad you arrived safely, and that you are still letting everyone know how you are doing. Shows progress and your continual caring for others.

My Mother always told me I was stronger than I thought I was, and I believe you are strong too. We women need not be defeated by anything, even ourselves.

Keep that sense of humor going. Have a great rest "passenger".

Hevyn

We're just happy to have you back. I was still drinking for a few months when I first came here, but in my heart I knew what had to happen. It was such a comfort to talk with those who understood me. I wasn't quite ready - but I got there.

Carlotta

Verte

Geez Raider...you gave quite the scare. I just returned from a grueling weekend of travel and I cannot imagine SR without you. Your experience is very real as are your words.

"it is sun a secret place, the land of tears" - antoine de saint exupery

Stay here please, Raider. You have work to do but it need not be done alone. ((((bear hugs))))

CodeJob

Raider,

You are worth the struggle. Every time you breathe, you are part of the one and hold value in your kind heart. The negative voice in your soul that fails you is within you. Only you can eject that old cassette tape, toss it out the window and let some semi crunch it to oblivion.

This is just beautiful and made me cry this morning. Maybe a good cry will cleanse you better than a long relapse. Being fragile is oddly the way forward for me. Allowing myself to accept that I am vulnerable. Peace to my sassy SR friend.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yxR3TGvzv3E

Marcher13

Raider I'm sorry I haven't posted on your thread before this because I've been reading every post and following what's been happening to you. I had tears in my eyes when you said you relapsed, I've been really sad about that for days. I believe you can get past it if you choose to but I felt sad all the same.

Have a good time at the cabin and take care of you.

EndGameNYC

Hello, Raider my friend.

I'm sorry about your recent struggles but happy that you learned that drinking just isn't the same for you anymore. Continuing to drink when drinking is no longer fun or satisfying is the very definition of our affliction.

I was also happy to read the tremendous amount of love and support that people have expressed to you, and not even a little surprised by it. It might help you to know that what I and so many others here both know and believe about your better, sober self...that you've got a strong mind and a good heart. I also don't believe for a minute that you'll lapse back into long stretches of drinking your life away, or that you'll die an active alcoholic. The Universe is very much on your side, and a good life is yours for the taking.

Raider

On my heck Carlotta!! I laughed for an hour!!! That is too funny. Your posts have really helped me. Thank you all so much. I'm going to take this day to relax, reflect and just be still. He will be out doing errands so it'll just be me The Fuzz and the seals swimming by. EndGame you hit it right on. Drinking is no longer fun but I'm still doing it. I want to think I'm smarter than that. My tolerance for the drink is so low. Three drinks last night and I can't remember going to bed. That's just stupid of me. I'm here and I love it. I don't want to be in a blackout, I want to enjoy it. I will keep posting. God knows I don't want the "cream sickle" to "get it". Hahahahaha.

Jupiters

enjoy your time Raider!
I haven't been around here long, but I can tell you sure are treasured and the posts I have had the opportunity to read show an incredible, caring woman.
STAY STRONG

mecanix

Hey R ,
Thats kinda how it was for me , blackouts just seemed to rush along after the first glass though by magic i always seemed to finnish the bottle , or the depressing feeling of running out and being too drunk to get out of bed but not enough to be passed out .. . I'd remember "snap shots" of memory or nothing at all … and then i'd have to deal with a whole day recovering in relative misery and feeling sick .

I remember once i somehow lost 4 days and have got no idea what happened in those days .

I always thing of it as a delusion as it seems to offer something life enhancing but it actually steals life from you .

Bestwishes, m

Raider

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We were both cold this morning. H it's left so I'm alone with The Fuzz. He said "what happened to you last night, you whacked out then started those night terrors again in your sleep". Crap I had no idea. I feel bad about that. I know I don't remember going to bed but I didn't know that. Going to take a hot shower. Maybe find some clean sweat pants, I have no idea what happened to the ones I have on, they are filthy. I know I just can't start this cycle again. I don't like it. It doesn't make me happy. And I think it really brought forth in my mind just how much of an alcoholic I am. I know I'm smarter than to act like this. At least I think I am.

Hevyn

I say it often - sometimes we need further proof that booze does nothing for us anymore. My last time out I knew I was toast if I continued.

Love you Pam. Hope you & The Fuzz have a good time in spite of everything going on.