Serper2014

Hello, It's day 7 for me. Last night was pretty strenuous. I had some drink cravings that we're quite tough. Spent most of the night on SR just to keep my mind busy. I got through it and I'm glad I didn't cave. I was thinking tonight maybe I'd go out to a bar if I get cravings to drink tonight. It may sound counter-intuitive to many of you, but I'm an alone drinker. I'm the type that even when I was drinking. I would go out with friends and buy 1 drink at the bar, if that. The reason is because I hate how much they charge at bars (I live downtown in a major city). So I would always drink at home and then go out and rarely did I ever buy drinks at a bar. The second thing is, I've done this before successfully. However, this was 10 months ago and my drinking hadn't peaked yet (It peaked last October). My peak resulted in two hospital visits, so I'm not sure if those experiences rewired my brain for better or for worse? Did the high levels of alcohol make me more susceptible to environmental pressures or did the hospital visit make me more resilient? I find it really hard to be at home alone--because that's when I drank. I live alone, and I live in the part of the city where I'm far away from any friends. I don't have many friends anymore because as I was tapering down my drinking over the last 6 months I snubbed all their invites. I can't spend every night of my life on SR. It's a great forum, but it will lead me to drinking if I attempt to spend every night on here. I need to get out, I need to socialize, I need some adrenaline, I need to meet new people. I was dumped by my gf relatively recently and I'm not saying that I'm ready for a new relationship (still have to work on numero uno first) but it would be nice to meet some new women and show them the new me! I want to show everybody the new me! So this question isn't going to apply to 95% of you, but what do you think about me going out to a bar tonight? I used to be so bad that I've canceled major plans from my friends just so I could stay home and drink alone. It was my favorite thing to do! I have to get out of this room tonight, I have too many really good drunken memories here with myself and I need to put myself in a place where people will randomly talk to me.

Badger4

Hi Serper! Have you looked into other activities going on today and tonight that wouldn't involve alcohol? It might be nice to meet others that don't drink. Hope you enjoy the day!

soberclover

I think the reality is needing to be around people. Why do you have to go to a bar to do that? Go walk around your community, go out to eat, go to an event in your community, go to a meeting even if you aren't a fan of the practices and principles, go to a recovery center, call a recovery hotline, jump on the "chat" on SR, find a counselor....get my drift? There are many alternatives to going to a bar. The LAST place a recovering person needs to be to socialize is a bar...they aren't going to be your people who understand you and what you are trying to do.

LadyinBC

I also was a stay at home alone drinker. However, sometimes I would start my drinking in a pub with friends.

My honest opinion about go to the bar? I think it is a mistake. There are other places to go to socialize other than a bar.

Congrats on day 7.

Serper2014

Well walking around my community isn't really an option at night, as it can be quite dangerous. Going out to eat alone is pretty depressing lol. I don't feel comfortable going to a meeting, but maybe I will! There may be some events tonight in my city, but those all are most likely to involve drinking anyway (especially if they are in the evening, which is when I need to be away from this room) Thanks for your input. I don't know if I need people to understand me right now. I don't think I'm ever going to meet a new person and say no I can't drink because I'm an alcoholic... nobody that enters my life during recovery is going to know about my recovery. That information is for me and my friends and family now. I may have to tell a significant other about it, but that's far away. Thoughts?

IOAA2

Hi. In your position I would strongly suggest going to an AA meeting and be among people who understand and where alcohol is not all around. If possible you could indicate your new and maybe confused though that’s not necessary.
There are many meetings in and around large population areas day and night. They’ve helped millions and you might even enjoy it if you keep an open mind and are honest with yourself.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

How about a movie, or go for coffee with a book/newspaper, there are loads of things to do that doesn't have to involve going to a bar!!

I also started dropping in on relatives, I hadn't seen for ages when I got Sober, that used to pass many weekend that I would otherwise be alone!!

Croissant

Server, congrats on day 7. A week is great.

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do. I'm not sure what logic you are applying, but if I may say so, I think a week is very early in sobriety to say you want to go out and show off the new you, in a bar, no less.

I see in your post a lot of things that could actually lead to excuses to drink, just using being an alone drinker as an excuse to go to a bar is unrealistic in recovery.

I know it's hard, but trying to avoid being at home is kind of impossible! And yes, I was an alone drinker, so I understand. There is also nothing wrong with spending time on here if it gets you through. Personally, I'd go to a movie on Saturday night, just to get out. Maybe you could join a gym? I guess you need to come up with the solutions that suit you, but being in a bar is not really what anyone would see as a good idea right now.

Serper2014

Thanks for the response. The idea is that I want to socialize. I don't think reading a book or going to a movie alone would fill the void. I also don't have any relatives within 300 miles so that's not an option.

ReadyAtLast

I don't understand why anyone in early sobriety would go to a bar.It is crazy behaviour imo and asking for trouble whether you're an alone at home drinker or not. It sounds like an excuse to just go to a bar really

There are plenty of non drinking places to go and meet people-Starbucks or other coffee shop, a restaurant, a movie, bookstore, library, gym.
How about an AA meeting?
It's an alcoholic mindset thinking only bars are the only option.

nymets86

Not sure which major city you are in, but I'd imagine there are other social things to do that aren't a as tempting as a bar and are still social (unlike a movie). Comedy and improv clubs serve booze, but not drinking, or drinking water is fairly common. If it's a major city, maybe you have a baseball team and can go to that and walk around and talk with other fans. Jazz clubs, bowling alleys, etc are all things that I think are gonna be easier to stay sober at than a bar.

With that said, last weekend I was watching Rangers Game 2 with some friends at a bar that I was brought to. I ordered a club soda and nobody said anything. My friends left for a midnight movie and I stayed since I really wanted to see the overtime of Game 2. I stuck around for another hour and socialized with people at the bar while 100% sober. It was actually quite fun and I didn't feel tempted to spend $6 on a beer or $10 on a vodka/soda. It's not something I plan to do frequently, but it is possible.

Serper2014

I know you and others are probably taking the safe route as far as giving advice. "If I tell him not to go to the bar, he wont be around alcohol therefore he's less likely to drink" Yet, if I take some of the advices given to me those are probably more likely to cause me to drink. Is it possible that I'm not like the rest of the alcoholics in this respect? I already stated that I don't buy drinks at bars. If I'm going to drink I'm going to go to the pizza shop and get a 12 pack. Not spend 60 bucks at a bar. I literally cannot afford to spend 60 bucks at a bar, but I could spare 15 to go to the pizza shop. I did some things to maintain sobriety last night. I took a walk....and then my legs started walking towards the pizza shop... to buy beer. I have to stay away from that place for awhile so I thought a bar could be distracting. Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe it's a brilliant idea. I'm not sure haha.

Serper2014

Exactly, that's about what the prices are in my city. I'm not going to do it.

PurpleKnight

Ah I must have picked things up wrong, well in that case it's pretty difficult at the beginning, as the chances are most of us didn't do much with others except drink, the odd few that are members of gyms, clubs and societies have something to fall back on in terms of socialising, the rest of us after becoming Sober needed to begin filling the void with things to fill our lives with.

I was lucky in the sense that I was a part of a local ice hockey supporters club, so I was able to continue attending games, meeting up and hanging out with people, and passing time discussing things, I just needed to tweak things slightly to not include alcohol, but it gave me an outlet to still socialise and an interest in something after becoming Sober.

The problem with taking drinking out of life is it creates a lot of free time, but we need to start filling the time with new things, hobbies, things we want to achieve from life now our lives aren't focused on drinking anymore!!

Thepatman

You had some good input in here.

But at the end, the choice is yours to experiment. If staying alone will make you drink, the. I say go for it.

Remember there is probably the "buck" in you wanting to go to a bar to meet some ladies. If can find another avenue to entertain the "buck" I would consider them ;-)

We don't want a drunk Buck to result from this

Mountainmanbob

putting our sobriety to the test in early sobriety
has proven to be a big mistake for many

question for myself
if I believe in God and God helps me to stay sober
do I put God to the test ??


And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.
(Luke 4:12-13 ESV)

Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
(Matthew 4:7 ESV)

Mountainman

DefconOne

I feel your urge. Last night I got off work late around 10:30pm and felt like going into the bar kiddie corner to the lot where my car was parked. Sure looked good. I'd just put in about 60 hours work in 5 days and my mind said, 'Hey, you deserve a reward'. My alcoholic mind was playing tricks on me again. I decided to wait an additional day before going in. So here I am again, today, thinking the same way, and deciding to put it off another day. Today, my day off, instead of going to the bar, I will head to an AA meeting. An so it goes. One day at a time. Constantly on alert pending a binge. By the way as I pulled out of the lot and headed home, I noticed a cop car all lit up probably busting a DUI from the same such bar. Little signs along the way help remind you of the folly of drinking if you are an alcoholic. Keep a look out.

Croissant

You've been putting a poison in your body that changes your brain chemistry, part of which affects one of the areas in the brain that tricks you into thinking you are unique, right and justified.

Put this in perspective. You are 7 days sober. I'm not going a safe route with advice, mate, I'm stating what I recommend based on experience, and to be quite honest, it does not affect me in any way if you go to a bar tonight.

It affects you. If you think it's a safe environment, then I guess you didn't need to start this thread, now, did you?

ScottFromWI

Seems like you are hell bent on doing this despite what others say Serper. It's virtually the exact same conversation when you were initially planning your meeting with the ex the other day.

Testing your sobriety by going to a bar this early on is a bad idea, no matter how good it seems to you. There is really no other way to explain it.

Joe Nerv

Not true. You won the battle, but not the war. You landed in the hospital, as you stated in the next sentence.

I understand what you're staying. It's safer in the bar, than it is in the house, and the things you feel you need most right now you're most likely to find in a bar. Or at least, that's the best place you know of, right now.

My opinion is it's the worst. I have little doubt that you can hang around a bar without drinking, but being in that atmosphere, meeting and hanging with others who are drinking and getting drunk, and sustaining that while staying sober is like trying to climb a cement wall without a rope. Over time, chances are excellent that it will win and you'll drink, or you'll be miserable. You've made that mistake already. You can do it over and over and over, or you can decide to do things differently, now.

AA is incredibly accessible, and has what you're looking for in spades. Along with people who will understand what you're going through, and have the same desires and goals. To not go, for any reason, is slighting yourself, again IMO.

People say that alcoholism is a physical, mental, and spiritual disease. We need to address all those areas if we want to truly recover and live a happy life. I'm absolutely certain that for me, and many others, alcoholism is also a social disease. I needed alcohol to be around people. Like you, I drank always before going out, but drank while out too. I couldn't get out the door without at least a quart of beer in me.

Anyhow, AA helped me with all the above except the physical. Took care of that on my own. For the social aspect, it was invaluable. I got dragged to diners (something I abhorred doing). I got dragged to lots of meetings. There were dances, parties, at the time I got sober there was even a sober beach near me. The people in AA gave me friendship, companionship, love, understanding and lots of tools to learn to live a sober life.

A bar is not a place to find any of the above. A meeting is.

Ya asked for our thoughts on this, thems are mine . PS. I've been successful at this staying sober thing for almost 30 years now. And heard probably millions of stories. While all the above is my opinion, I'm speaking from a lot of experience too. My own, and what I've witnessed in others.