Going out to the bar alone tonight to keep myself from drinking.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Just read carefully what you wrote. Does it really sound like rational thinking or more like rationalization? Why go to a bar? Why not just go somewhere else? New you? Takes more than 7 days. Relax, get some exercise. Eat well. So some other things you are interested in. There is no hurry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
Originally Posted by Serper2014 
Hello, It's day 7 for me. Last night was pretty strenuous. I had some drink cravings that we're quite tough. Spent most of the night on SR just to keep my mind busy. I got through it and I'm glad I didn't cave. I was thinking tonight maybe I'd go out to a bar if I get cravings to drink tonight. It may sound counter-intuitive to many of you, but I'm an alone drinker. I'm the type that even when I was drinking. I would go out with friends and buy 1 drink at the bar, if that. The reason is because I hate how much they charge at bars (I live downtown in a major city). So I would always drink at home and then go out and rarely did I ever buy drinks at a bar. The second thing is, I've done this before successfully. However, this was 10 months ago and my drinking hadn't peaked yet (It peaked last October). My peak resulted in two hospital visits, so I'm not sure if those experiences rewired my brain for better or for worse? Did the high levels of alcohol make me more susceptible to environmental pressures or did the hospital visit make me more resilient? I find it really hard to be at home alone--because that's when I drank. I live alone, and I live in the part of the city where I'm far away from any friends. I don't have many friends anymore because as I was tapering down my drinking over the last 6 months I snubbed all their invites. I can't spend every night of my life on SR. It's a great forum, but it will lead me to drinking if I attempt to spend every night on here. I need to get out, I need to socialize, I need some adrenaline, I need to meet new people. I was dumped by my gf relatively recently and I'm not saying that I'm ready for a new relationship (still have to work on numero uno first) but it would be nice to meet some new women and show them the new me! I want to show everybody the new me! So this question isn't going to apply to 95% of you, but what do you think about me going out to a bar tonight? I used to be so bad that I've canceled major plans from my friends just so I could stay home and drink alone. It was my favorite thing to do! I have to get out of this room tonight, I have too many really good drunken memories here with myself and I need to put myself in a place where people will randomly talk to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago,il
Posts: 71
I can only offer words based on my experience so merely an FYI. I was a drinker at home rather than bars. My first attempt at quoting was Nov '13. 3 weeks sober, feeling confident and denying my problem.....I put myself in a drinkng environment and I tried to socially drink. Bad decision and it resulted in me hitting my rock bottom. I've been sober 181 days today.
I realized I was powerless over alcohol at that point and decided to put my recovery first before anything else . I did not want to take any risk or any tests or temptations given how powerful this disease is. My AV was and is so crazy strong.....makes us think and try to believe things like 1 won't hurt, I can drink socially, my life is ruined and I will never have fun again, etc. it is tough as nails to fight off this thinking and I see a lot of myself in your post.
There is no hurry. 7 days is so little time that your body and brain are still adjusting. The relapse risk is very high in the initial stages.
Only you can make the decision what is best for you. Think long and hard about what you would really benefit from by going to a bar. What can you get there that you could not possibly get somewhere else. Your AV is convincing you there are no other events to go to, too boring, etc.
An idea - hit an AA mtg, call a rehab center and inquire about sober events or parties, check out the paper for events, etc
My recovery counselor always said an old cliche....if you spend the day sitting around a barber shop....chances are you will end up getting a haircut. Same thing about being around booze.
Today - 181 days sober....I'm confident in being in drinking environments and I'm not bothered. However....it wasn't until 100 days or so until I was comfortable and willing to put myself in risky situations.
Based on your various posts....I see a lot of excuses. Just a thought- try to embrace sobriety, try everything possible to get and stay sober even if you don't necessarily agree (ie AA). One thing I've learned....people stay sober if they work a strong program.
I think you need to decide how much of a priority it is to stay sober.
Good luck. All I can say after 30 yrs of abusing my body and friends/family....sober life is way better and it keeps getting better every single day.
Cheers
I realized I was powerless over alcohol at that point and decided to put my recovery first before anything else . I did not want to take any risk or any tests or temptations given how powerful this disease is. My AV was and is so crazy strong.....makes us think and try to believe things like 1 won't hurt, I can drink socially, my life is ruined and I will never have fun again, etc. it is tough as nails to fight off this thinking and I see a lot of myself in your post.
There is no hurry. 7 days is so little time that your body and brain are still adjusting. The relapse risk is very high in the initial stages.
Only you can make the decision what is best for you. Think long and hard about what you would really benefit from by going to a bar. What can you get there that you could not possibly get somewhere else. Your AV is convincing you there are no other events to go to, too boring, etc.
An idea - hit an AA mtg, call a rehab center and inquire about sober events or parties, check out the paper for events, etc
My recovery counselor always said an old cliche....if you spend the day sitting around a barber shop....chances are you will end up getting a haircut. Same thing about being around booze.
Today - 181 days sober....I'm confident in being in drinking environments and I'm not bothered. However....it wasn't until 100 days or so until I was comfortable and willing to put myself in risky situations.
Based on your various posts....I see a lot of excuses. Just a thought- try to embrace sobriety, try everything possible to get and stay sober even if you don't necessarily agree (ie AA). One thing I've learned....people stay sober if they work a strong program.
I think you need to decide how much of a priority it is to stay sober.
Good luck. All I can say after 30 yrs of abusing my body and friends/family....sober life is way better and it keeps getting better every single day.
Cheers
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Serper -- I'm very new to this so won't even think to offer an opinion about whether to go to a bar.
But depending on where you live, have you ever checked out a "Meet Up" group? http://www.meetup.com/
There are all kinds of different groups...hiking, movie clubs, bookclubs, even just walking around checking out the local neighborhood. And they are social in that, yes, you might go see a movie but then you actually go somewhere to talk about it.
Just a thought. Sorry you're having a tough time. I'm in a similar boat in that I live alone too and find that my only socializing so far has been meeting friends out, so I'm also going out of my comfort zone in trying to find social activities. Good luck.
But depending on where you live, have you ever checked out a "Meet Up" group? http://www.meetup.com/
There are all kinds of different groups...hiking, movie clubs, bookclubs, even just walking around checking out the local neighborhood. And they are social in that, yes, you might go see a movie but then you actually go somewhere to talk about it.
Just a thought. Sorry you're having a tough time. I'm in a similar boat in that I live alone too and find that my only socializing so far has been meeting friends out, so I'm also going out of my comfort zone in trying to find social activities. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi:
I am only 3 months in so I don't know how much weigh this will carry, however, this is the first time in my life it has actually clicked and that I have made the decision of never drinking again. I get it and I am done. Since the first weekend after March 16 (my Sobriety Date, woo hoo) I have been going to parties, I have been to dinners, restaurants and bars with booze all around me and as nymets86, when I ordered a cherry coke nobody blinked. So, if YOU have MADE THE DECISION that YOU are NOT going to drink, NOT EVEN ONE, I say go for it. Now, if you are in the fence, thinking “I will only buy one drink…” don’t do it, find other places. You don't have to limit yourself to meeting people in bars. Remember YOU will be suffering the CONSEQUENCES of YOUR decision. YOUR DEAL, YOUR LIFE…
Our reality is that we are going to be exposed to alcohol all the time but it is our decision not to partake. I have embraced it. I am actually seeing it as a really cool thing that I don’t need it to have fun and that it is great that I can drive with no problems and feel great the next day. Also: my skin looks amazing!
Be conscious, careful and REALLY HONEST with yourself.
I am only 3 months in so I don't know how much weigh this will carry, however, this is the first time in my life it has actually clicked and that I have made the decision of never drinking again. I get it and I am done. Since the first weekend after March 16 (my Sobriety Date, woo hoo) I have been going to parties, I have been to dinners, restaurants and bars with booze all around me and as nymets86, when I ordered a cherry coke nobody blinked. So, if YOU have MADE THE DECISION that YOU are NOT going to drink, NOT EVEN ONE, I say go for it. Now, if you are in the fence, thinking “I will only buy one drink…” don’t do it, find other places. You don't have to limit yourself to meeting people in bars. Remember YOU will be suffering the CONSEQUENCES of YOUR decision. YOUR DEAL, YOUR LIFE…
Our reality is that we are going to be exposed to alcohol all the time but it is our decision not to partake. I have embraced it. I am actually seeing it as a really cool thing that I don’t need it to have fun and that it is great that I can drive with no problems and feel great the next day. Also: my skin looks amazing!
Be conscious, careful and REALLY HONEST with yourself.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Back in 07 I collected bout 7 or 8 months of sobriety with the help of AA. I went back out. I would attribute that to a number of things...one being I developed a crush on a guy at work who "didn't drink" or so I thought. Eventually he and I both picked up at a staff golf tournament. We had a quick social spin together but the relationship did not last. I kept drinking. He kept drinking also.
Fast forward a few months and I'm out with some gal pals from work on the dance floor when I spy a guy from AA...a guy I had a bit of a crush on when I was a member. So now I'm all booze couraged up and I sidle on up to him.
He's in a bar with friends...but he's still sober. We dance the night away yadda yadda. We make plans for a dinner date.
Dinner date night arrives. He takes me to a lovely restaurant and orders a bottle of wine. I raise my eyebrow and make some comment about there being no need for him to order me an entire bottle of wine. He says "I'm having some time too". We had discussion bout that ..and in the end...his life and whoopty doo I got me a new drinking buddy.
My point is...I don't think it's a good idea to socialize in bars. The whole notion of being in the same places with drinkers where it's about the drink is not going to put you into contact with people you should probably socialize with.
PEOPLE can be triggers. Your AV might be looking to meet one.
Fast forward a few months and I'm out with some gal pals from work on the dance floor when I spy a guy from AA...a guy I had a bit of a crush on when I was a member. So now I'm all booze couraged up and I sidle on up to him.
He's in a bar with friends...but he's still sober. We dance the night away yadda yadda. We make plans for a dinner date.
Dinner date night arrives. He takes me to a lovely restaurant and orders a bottle of wine. I raise my eyebrow and make some comment about there being no need for him to order me an entire bottle of wine. He says "I'm having some time too". We had discussion bout that ..and in the end...his life and whoopty doo I got me a new drinking buddy.
My point is...I don't think it's a good idea to socialize in bars. The whole notion of being in the same places with drinkers where it's about the drink is not going to put you into contact with people you should probably socialize with.
PEOPLE can be triggers. Your AV might be looking to meet one.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
I like to go on diets and hang around all you can eat buffets.
If, you are sincere about not drinking, going to a bar isn't a healthy place to be early in recovery.
If, you are sincere about not drinking, going to a bar isn't a healthy place to be early in recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Croissant
You've been putting a poison in your body that changes your brain chemistry, part of which affects one of the areas in the brain that tricks you into thinking you are unique, right and justified.
Put this in perspective. You are 7 days sober. I'm not going a safe route with advice, mate, I'm stating what I recommend based on experience, and to be quite honest, it does not affect me in any way if you go to a bar tonight.
It affects you. If you think it's a safe environment, then I guess you didn't need to start this thread, now, did you?
Put this in perspective. You are 7 days sober. I'm not going a safe route with advice, mate, I'm stating what I recommend based on experience, and to be quite honest, it does not affect me in any way if you go to a bar tonight.
It affects you. If you think it's a safe environment, then I guess you didn't need to start this thread, now, did you?
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Sobriety is about choices. I alway look at a choice from the perspective of, "Is the choice moving me towards sobriety or away. "
I could be wrong but I think you have already decided to drink. Now you are rationalize a way to do it.
100% recommend against it. If you ask for advice and then ignore it why ask for advice?
I could be wrong but I think you have already decided to drink. Now you are rationalize a way to do it.
100% recommend against it. If you ask for advice and then ignore it why ask for advice?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Seems like you are hell bent on doing this despite what others say Serper. It's virtually the exact same conversation when you were initially planning your meeting with the ex the other day.
Testing your sobriety by going to a bar this early on is a bad idea, no matter how good it seems to you. There is really no other way to explain it.
Testing your sobriety by going to a bar this early on is a bad idea, no matter how good it seems to you. There is really no other way to explain it.
I'm not hell bent on doing anything. I was just wondering if there was an alcoholic out there that has no problem going to bars. My dad is an alcoholic and he can go to bars and order a coca cola no problem. He's also been sober for a lot longer than most of us here. It's not virtually the exact same conversation as the other day. If you want to bring up my meeting with my ex, I'm very glad I created that thread. Instead of forcing myself upon her I asked her for her permission to meet and speak about my drinking problem which set the stage for the entire night, which was one of the best nights I've had this year...if not the best night. That came from reading your responses and getting advice from you all. I know that It's saturday at 2pm and I'd be drunk right now if I hadn't met up with my ex. I believe alcoholism to be like cancer. Not everyone has the same form and not every treatment works for each individual. So lets assume I'm going to the bar tonight. (I may go to an AA meeting I haven't decided yet) What are some tips on staying sober at the bar? I know I"m not going to take cash or cards with me thats an obvious one. Maybe I'll bring like 3 dollars so I can buy 3 tonic waters. I really like those.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Sobriety is about choices. I alway look at a choice from the perspective of, "Is the choice moving me towards sobriety or away. "
I could be wrong but I think you have already decided to drink. Now you are rationalize a way to do it.
100% recommend against it. If you ask for advice and then ignore it why ask for advice?
I could be wrong but I think you have already decided to drink. Now you are rationalize a way to do it.
100% recommend against it. If you ask for advice and then ignore it why ask for advice?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
I like to go on diets and hang around all you can eat buffets.
If, you are sincere about not drinking, going to a bar isn't a healthy place to be early in recovery.
If, you are sincere about not drinking, going to a bar isn't a healthy place to be early in recovery.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
In my experience as an alone drinker, I thought I was fine in bars. Sure I stayed sober in there. But I more often than not bought drink on my way home.
You compare yourself to your father - then state he has long term sobriety. You have 7 days. I think it is a very bad decision as if you are alcoholic or have a problem with your drinking (which I presume you are - being on this website) being in that environment will more likely than not plant a seed in your brain.
Just talking from my, and many others I know also, experience.
Sit in the barber's chair long enough, you'll get a hair cut.
You compare yourself to your father - then state he has long term sobriety. You have 7 days. I think it is a very bad decision as if you are alcoholic or have a problem with your drinking (which I presume you are - being on this website) being in that environment will more likely than not plant a seed in your brain.
Just talking from my, and many others I know also, experience.
Sit in the barber's chair long enough, you'll get a hair cut.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Hmmm.... If you live in a major city there has got to be other places to socialize than a bar. Since you are not a drinker anymore, you really want to start filling your life with people that DONT prioritize drinking as an activity and are supportive of sobriety. Guess where these people usually aren't - a bar. Even if you do go and manage to stay sober, you are definitely opening the door for your AV. If you feel proud of yourself and want to have a fun night where you can meet others, look for something like a show, dancing, concert, art show opening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Back in 07 I collected bout 7 or 8 months of sobriety with the help of AA. I went back out. I would attribute that to a number of things...one being I developed a crush on a guy at work who "didn't drink" or so I thought. Eventually he and I both picked up at a staff golf tournament. We had a quick social spin together but the relationship did not last. I kept drinking. He kept drinking also.
Fast forward a few months and I'm out with some gal pals from work on the dance floor when I spy a guy from AA...a guy I had a bit of a crush on when I was a member. So now I'm all booze couraged up and I sidle on up to him.
He's in a bar with friends...but he's still sober. We dance the night away yadda yadda. We make plans for a dinner date.
Dinner date night arrives. He takes me to a lovely restaurant and orders a bottle of wine. I raise my eyebrow and make some comment about there being no need for him to order me an entire bottle of wine. He says "I'm having some time too". We had discussion bout that ..and in the end...his life and whoopty doo I got me a new drinking buddy.
My point is...I don't think it's a good idea to socialize in bars. The whole notion of being in the same places with drinkers where it's about the drink is not going to put you into contact with people you should probably socialize with.
PEOPLE can be triggers. Your AV might be looking to meet one.
Fast forward a few months and I'm out with some gal pals from work on the dance floor when I spy a guy from AA...a guy I had a bit of a crush on when I was a member. So now I'm all booze couraged up and I sidle on up to him.
He's in a bar with friends...but he's still sober. We dance the night away yadda yadda. We make plans for a dinner date.
Dinner date night arrives. He takes me to a lovely restaurant and orders a bottle of wine. I raise my eyebrow and make some comment about there being no need for him to order me an entire bottle of wine. He says "I'm having some time too". We had discussion bout that ..and in the end...his life and whoopty doo I got me a new drinking buddy.
My point is...I don't think it's a good idea to socialize in bars. The whole notion of being in the same places with drinkers where it's about the drink is not going to put you into contact with people you should probably socialize with.
PEOPLE can be triggers. Your AV might be looking to meet one.
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