Going out to the bar alone tonight to keep myself from drinking.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by Serper2014 
Ok I respect that opinion. How long is it until it's safe to go to a bar?
At a week sober, even asking when it is safe to go to bars shows you're still in the mindset of alcoholic thinking. That's totally understandable so early on-I'm not criticising you. I think most people who 've been sober a while would prefer to do other things than go to bars. Of course, sometimes there will be an event to go to but to choose to go for no reason other than to hang out is dangerous
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by SonomaGal
Hmmm.... If you live in a major city there has got to be other places to socialize than a bar. Since you are not a drinker anymore, you really want to start filling your life with people that DONT prioritize drinking as an activity and are supportive of sobriety. Guess where these people usually aren't - a bar. Even if you do go and manage to stay sober, you are definitely opening the door for your AV. If you feel proud of yourself and want to have a fun night where you can meet others, look for something like a show, dancing, concert, art show opening.
We need to be friends ASAP.
1. We basically came to the same conclusion about this problem at the same time. I posted the same thing within 30 seconds of you posting this! Scroll up! and look at the times!
2. Your quit date is the first day where I broke my cycle of drinking for 588 nights in a row. I went to the hospital and was given medication to do so. I wasn't ready to fully quit at that point, but I had broken the cycle of drinking daily. I never drank daily after that hospital visit, but I did drink 2x a week and it wasn't until last week that I decided to give it up for good.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Serper2014
I know it's only 7 days, but one more day and I've gone longer than I've gone in the last 3 years, which makes me feel pretty amazing. You are right about alcohol making you think that you are unique right and justified... that is so true... I'm contemplating going to a meeting tonight as well.
My take is not even about the alcohol at the bar. If you want booze you can get it. The true issue is surrounding yourself with a hundred people who are there to drink. You said yourself you want to meet someone. What if someone tonight wants to meet you? What if she breaks the ice by bringing you a shot or a drink? What do you do... Under pressure... She is hot... I bet a 7day sober person can't resist. Just my opinion.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime
Hi:
I am only 3 months in so I don't know how much weigh this will carry, however, this is the first time in my life it has actually clicked and that I have made the decision of never drinking again. I get it and I am done. Since the first weekend after March 16 (my Sobriety Date, woo hoo) I have been going to parties, I have been to dinners, restaurants and bars with booze all around me and as nymets86, when I ordered a cherry coke nobody blinked. So, if YOU have MADE THE DECISION that YOU are NOT going to drink, NOT EVEN ONE, I say go for it. Now, if you are in the fence, thinking “I will only buy one drink…” don’t do it, find other places. You don't have to limit yourself to meeting people in bars. Remember YOU will be suffering the CONSEQUENCES of YOUR decision. YOUR DEAL, YOUR LIFE…
Our reality is that we are going to be exposed to alcohol all the time but it is our decision not to partake. I have embraced it. I am actually seeing it as a really cool thing that I don’t need it to have fun and that it is great that I can drive with no problems and feel great the next day. Also: my skin looks amazing!
Be conscious, careful and REALLY HONEST with yourself.
I am only 3 months in so I don't know how much weigh this will carry, however, this is the first time in my life it has actually clicked and that I have made the decision of never drinking again. I get it and I am done. Since the first weekend after March 16 (my Sobriety Date, woo hoo) I have been going to parties, I have been to dinners, restaurants and bars with booze all around me and as nymets86, when I ordered a cherry coke nobody blinked. So, if YOU have MADE THE DECISION that YOU are NOT going to drink, NOT EVEN ONE, I say go for it. Now, if you are in the fence, thinking “I will only buy one drink…” don’t do it, find other places. You don't have to limit yourself to meeting people in bars. Remember YOU will be suffering the CONSEQUENCES of YOUR decision. YOUR DEAL, YOUR LIFE…
Our reality is that we are going to be exposed to alcohol all the time but it is our decision not to partake. I have embraced it. I am actually seeing it as a really cool thing that I don’t need it to have fun and that it is great that I can drive with no problems and feel great the next day. Also: my skin looks amazing!
Be conscious, careful and REALLY HONEST with yourself.
Originally Posted by Blackhawkfan
I can only offer words based on my experience so merely an FYI. I was a drinker at home rather than bars. My first attempt at quoting was Nov '13. 3 weeks sober, feeling confident and denying my problem.....I put myself in a drinkng environment and I tried to socially drink. Bad decision and it resulted in me hitting my rock bottom. I've been sober 181 days today.
I realized I was powerless over alcohol at that point and decided to put my recovery first before anything else . I did not want to take any risk or any tests or temptations given how powerful this disease is. My AV was and is so crazy strong.....makes us think and try to believe things like 1 won't hurt, I can drink socially, my life is ruined and I will never have fun again, etc. it is tough as nails to fight off this thinking and I see a lot of myself in your post.
There is no hurry. 7 days is so little time that your body and brain are still adjusting. The relapse risk is very high in the initial stages.
Only you can make the decision what is best for you. Think long and hard about what you would really benefit from by going to a bar. What can you get there that you could not possibly get somewhere else. Your AV is convincing you there are no other events to go to, too boring, etc.
An idea - hit an AA mtg, call a rehab center and inquire about sober events or parties, check out the paper for events, etc
My recovery counselor always said an old cliche....if you spend the day sitting around a barber shop....chances are you will end up getting a haircut. Same thing about being around booze.
Today - 181 days sober....I'm confident in being in drinking environments and I'm not bothered. However....it wasn't until 100 days or so until I was comfortable and willing to put myself in risky situations.
Based on your various posts....I see a lot of excuses. Just a thought- try to embrace sobriety, try everything possible to get and stay sober even if you don't necessarily agree (ie AA). One thing I've learned....people stay sober if they work a strong program.
I think you need to decide how much of a priority it is to stay sober.
Good luck. All I can say after 30 yrs of abusing my body and friends/family....sober life is way better and it keeps getting better every single day.
Cheers
I realized I was powerless over alcohol at that point and decided to put my recovery first before anything else . I did not want to take any risk or any tests or temptations given how powerful this disease is. My AV was and is so crazy strong.....makes us think and try to believe things like 1 won't hurt, I can drink socially, my life is ruined and I will never have fun again, etc. it is tough as nails to fight off this thinking and I see a lot of myself in your post.
There is no hurry. 7 days is so little time that your body and brain are still adjusting. The relapse risk is very high in the initial stages.
Only you can make the decision what is best for you. Think long and hard about what you would really benefit from by going to a bar. What can you get there that you could not possibly get somewhere else. Your AV is convincing you there are no other events to go to, too boring, etc.
An idea - hit an AA mtg, call a rehab center and inquire about sober events or parties, check out the paper for events, etc
My recovery counselor always said an old cliche....if you spend the day sitting around a barber shop....chances are you will end up getting a haircut. Same thing about being around booze.
Today - 181 days sober....I'm confident in being in drinking environments and I'm not bothered. However....it wasn't until 100 days or so until I was comfortable and willing to put myself in risky situations.
Based on your various posts....I see a lot of excuses. Just a thought- try to embrace sobriety, try everything possible to get and stay sober even if you don't necessarily agree (ie AA). One thing I've learned....people stay sober if they work a strong program.
I think you need to decide how much of a priority it is to stay sober.
Good luck. All I can say after 30 yrs of abusing my body and friends/family....sober life is way better and it keeps getting better every single day.
Cheers
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Mek2
This looks like your AV is trying to stop you from hitting your new best.
My take is not even about the alcohol at the bar. If you want booze you can get it. The true issue is surrounding yourself with a hundred people who are there to drink. You said yourself you want to meet someone. What if someone tonight wants to meet you? What if she breaks the ice by bringing you a shot or a drink? What do you do... Under pressure... She is hot... I bet a 7day sober person can't resist. Just my opinion.
My take is not even about the alcohol at the bar. If you want booze you can get it. The true issue is surrounding yourself with a hundred people who are there to drink. You said yourself you want to meet someone. What if someone tonight wants to meet you? What if she breaks the ice by bringing you a shot or a drink? What do you do... Under pressure... She is hot... I bet a 7day sober person can't resist. Just my opinion.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i used to enjoy socializing to so long as there was drink in me i could talk to perfect stangers and try to hold a converstation that would be going long fine until i had the second and third and more then i would really come out of my shell
much to the annoyance of other people in the pub : )
my drinking ended up with me staying at home and drinking as i thought i wouldnt end up getting into trouble with people that way or end up in a police cell
it worked for a while until my neighbours got fed up of my loud music into the early hours or my ex wife would nag me so i would wreck the house so she would get off my back and of course the police would be called and i would still end up waking up in a cell and in more trouble
on and on it goes for alcoholics who have so many clever ideas of how to try to drink normally or aviod the next day feeling of having to face up to more shame
i once hoped i would win enough money to build me a sound proof room were you could lock me up all night long with my sad records and booze and this would then give me everything i could hope for as i know i wouldnt of done anything wrong the next day as i would be locked up on my own
it made sense to me lol
much to the annoyance of other people in the pub : )
my drinking ended up with me staying at home and drinking as i thought i wouldnt end up getting into trouble with people that way or end up in a police cell
it worked for a while until my neighbours got fed up of my loud music into the early hours or my ex wife would nag me so i would wreck the house so she would get off my back and of course the police would be called and i would still end up waking up in a cell and in more trouble
on and on it goes for alcoholics who have so many clever ideas of how to try to drink normally or aviod the next day feeling of having to face up to more shame
i once hoped i would win enough money to build me a sound proof room were you could lock me up all night long with my sad records and booze and this would then give me everything i could hope for as i know i wouldnt of done anything wrong the next day as i would be locked up on my own
it made sense to me lol
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago,il
Posts: 71
I don't know how to show the quote so I pasted it below. Sadly with this disease the success rate is something between 10-20%. Lots of people say they are quitting for good only to fall back into the addiction. Take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with successful people (ie sober), work a strong program and the pieces will fall into place. The initial stages of recovery are very very difficult. I don't view myself as a square. Quite the opposite. AV at work again with those type of thoughts.
I was comfortable being around drinking after 100 days or so but it is usually work related. If it isn't work related - I make sure people know I'm not drinking which helps a ton. Am I ok around friends boozing? Yes....but I always have an escape plan if I get uncomfortable, bored, etc
This disease is brutal and we are never cured. Gets easier as time goes on.....But a daily exercise to stay sober.
-----
Yeah I agree. This is the first and only time that I'm really serious about quitting. People say "oh it's only day 7" but in reality I've had one day 7 in the last 3 years. I wasn't ready to quit. I will be fine going to the bar tonight. I'm not going to drink, but I decided that I don't want to go because the chances of meeting someone there who is the type of person I want to meet is probably pretty low.
I was comfortable being around drinking after 100 days or so but it is usually work related. If it isn't work related - I make sure people know I'm not drinking which helps a ton. Am I ok around friends boozing? Yes....but I always have an escape plan if I get uncomfortable, bored, etc
This disease is brutal and we are never cured. Gets easier as time goes on.....But a daily exercise to stay sober.
-----
Yeah I agree. This is the first and only time that I'm really serious about quitting. People say "oh it's only day 7" but in reality I've had one day 7 in the last 3 years. I wasn't ready to quit. I will be fine going to the bar tonight. I'm not going to drink, but I decided that I don't want to go because the chances of meeting someone there who is the type of person I want to meet is probably pretty low.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Just to emphasize how dangerous alcoholism is Bill Wilson one of founders of AA wrote a solemn pledge in the family bible to God and his wife to never drink again. Guess what? He drank again.
I will never promise never to drink. I will promise to do what I need to do on a daily basis to stay sober.
So far I have kept that promise but I'm constantly on guard that alcohol is capable of twisting my thinking and convincing me that one drink won't hurt
I will never promise never to drink. I will promise to do what I need to do on a daily basis to stay sober.
So far I have kept that promise but I'm constantly on guard that alcohol is capable of twisting my thinking and convincing me that one drink won't hurt
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Originally Posted by Serper2014
Ok I respect that opinion. How long is it until it's safe to go to a bar?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm glad you decided to do something else tonight.
I dunno about you, but I convinced myself more than once I was going to a bar to be with people, or listen to a band, enjoy a good meal or whatever...
but deep down I wanted to be in than environment, I wanted to be those people.
I missed - I *longed* for what they had.
I was getting off on the vicarious thrill, have doubt about it....and sooner or later I cracked...not the first night, not even the second, but eventually.
If I wanted a new life, it had to be a new life...y'know?
D
I dunno about you, but I convinced myself more than once I was going to a bar to be with people, or listen to a band, enjoy a good meal or whatever...
but deep down I wanted to be in than environment, I wanted to be those people.
I missed - I *longed* for what they had.
I was getting off on the vicarious thrill, have doubt about it....and sooner or later I cracked...not the first night, not even the second, but eventually.
If I wanted a new life, it had to be a new life...y'know?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It doesn't really matter to me how long I've been sober. People go to bars specifically to drink alcohol. The socializing that happens there is secondary to the drinking. I don't drink so I don't go to bars, or even have and desire to do so. Just my $.02
. And then hang with a good friend of mine, maybe get something to eat, drive around, take a walk....
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I'll tell ya what. If I went to a bar, party, etc., and met a really hot women and she offered me a drink, or the bartender asked me what I will have, you can bet it won't be seltzer water. I'd drink, no doubt about it. The same thing would happen if I was just hanging around people at a bar. If they seemed to be having a good time, and I wanted to fit in and be part of the fun, I'll drink. But even if you managed to go to a bar and not drink, I'll bet you will have a harder time passing by that pizza place and not picking up something for the night. Good choice going to an AA meeting instead. Tomorrow you'll be glad you did. Have a nice meeting.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I don't miss playing in bars, at all. I went back after about 18 months sobriety. I was never tempted to drink at all but I used to really pick up on the despair and misery.
I do little cafe gigs now
D
I do little cafe gigs now
D
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm glad you decided to do something else tonight.
I dunno about you, but I convinced myself more than once I was going to a bar to be with people, or listen to a band, enjoy a good meal or whatever...
but deep down I wanted to be in than environment, I wanted to be those people.
I missed - I *longed* for what they had.
I was getting off on the vicarious thrill, have doubt about it....and sooner or later I cracked...not the first night, not even the second, but eventually.
If I wanted a new life, it had to be a new life...y'know?
D
I dunno about you, but I convinced myself more than once I was going to a bar to be with people, or listen to a band, enjoy a good meal or whatever...
but deep down I wanted to be in than environment, I wanted to be those people.
I missed - I *longed* for what they had.
I was getting off on the vicarious thrill, have doubt about it....and sooner or later I cracked...not the first night, not even the second, but eventually.
If I wanted a new life, it had to be a new life...y'know?
D
Yeah this is what I wanted... a new life.... be careful what you wish for you just might get it.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I think that the awesome thing here is that you were willing to take suggestions from people, and do the opposite of what you thought was best. While that might sound odd, I think the inability of people to do that is something that keeps a lot of people drunk.
I heard someone say last night at a meeting that they asked their sponsor what they had to change about themselves if they wanted to stay stopped, and their sponsor replied with, "Everything"'. That's of course a bit exaggerated, but for me it was about 99% true. I was willing to give up all I thought I knew, and live according to what others suggested for quite a while in early sobriety. I think it was that willingness and ability to be open minded which helped me to lay a really solid sober foundation, and heal from this disease the first time around. Couldn't stop drinking for a single day, and never, EVER considered quitting for good, until I wound up useless and almost dead in a detox and learned a bit about this disease, AA, and the 12 steps. From that day on I haven't picked up a drink. And it's been quite a while.
Congratulations on winning what was IMO a huge battle here.
I heard someone say last night at a meeting that they asked their sponsor what they had to change about themselves if they wanted to stay stopped, and their sponsor replied with, "Everything"'. That's of course a bit exaggerated, but for me it was about 99% true. I was willing to give up all I thought I knew, and live according to what others suggested for quite a while in early sobriety. I think it was that willingness and ability to be open minded which helped me to lay a really solid sober foundation, and heal from this disease the first time around. Couldn't stop drinking for a single day, and never, EVER considered quitting for good, until I wound up useless and almost dead in a detox and learned a bit about this disease, AA, and the 12 steps. From that day on I haven't picked up a drink. And it's been quite a while.
Congratulations on winning what was IMO a huge battle here.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Joe Nerv
I think that the awesome thing here is that you were willing to take suggestions from people
I was willing to give up all I thought I knew, and live according to what others suggested for quite a while in early sobriety.
Mountainman
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