wishinghope

Thank you all so much. Well I found out my phone has been shut off. So it was going to be difficult until I received an email from exaddicts employment support services in Ohio. So hopefully I can get the help I need. I really would do something related to my industry but mike refuses to let me. He wants me out and done forever. Closest thing would be bartender and considering I'm a recovering alcoholic probably not the best idea. However I did try anyways but it is surprisingly hard to get a job as a bartender. I do have one bar I will try tomorrow since they lost a good bartender and may not have found one since. I have also considered starting my own business to train on how to dance and the art of seduction which is what I want to call my class. Make DVDs and get a permit to do classes but I need a stripper pole and I don't have one nor will I anytime soon. But I would love to do that. Absolutely love to! Make my own hours, set up classes when I wanted to, make DVDs I could be creative with those. It'd be like a dream. I am a creative person. But let's hope I can get the help I need through the exaddicts employment support.

Croissant

Hi Wishinghope...firstly, good on you for perservering. That is really admirable...and don't be disheartened by the phone situation. Couple of suggestions, take or leave them.

- phone your phone service provider and explain to them that you are out of work and could they at least allow incoming calls. Ask to speak to a supervisor, make a payment plan...or plan to check in with them. Most will understand you can't pay a bill til you get a job and you need at least an incoming line for that.

- when you are rejected for jobs, it is ok to ask why...and be honest afterwards...ask for feedback on your Resume, what you wore to the interview etc. most people have a heart and will appreciate that you want to do better.

- women's shelters will often have links to services or networks for women wanting to enter the workforce, including skills networks. You may be eligible for access to some programs also. Be honest, tell them you are trying to get your life on track. It can't hurt.

wishinghope

Thank you this is really helpful. I will try to do these things. Today has been rough. I haven't been feeling good at all. I know this is off topic but I need to vent. And this is woman stuff so if you are a sensitive man to this stuff don't read. But cramps and nausea and fatigue are killing me. My fiance is mad because I haven't been looking as hard as he thinks I should. But its hard to focus. I have endometriosis and I was on birth control still am but my symptoms are no longer repressed. So I have to go to a different treatment plan. Its so difficult for me. I'm recovering from addiction, jobless and now this. God is giving me this opportunity to be strong. And its a test! My fiancé thinks I've turned in less applications than I have because not all jobs I apply for send emails. Its frustrating. I am not trying to be lazy. I honestly feel like the world is on my shoulders. I feel like ****. In the afternoons I feel like throwing up and at night my cramps get bad. I had my appointment with my obgyn who is concerned I've been losing weight which for me is very bad. I have always been skinny but when I'm stressed, depressed I don't want to eat and now nauseated I force myself to eat. I feel worse when I don't eat because I know I'm not taking care of myself its a vicious cycle. I am not anorexic... I never have been I don't think I'm fat but today, I realized that he only wanted me to come back not because he missed me but because he wanted me to find a job to help pay the bills. I feel broken. I knew I wasn't ready to come back home from my parents and I am starting to regret I did. If he wouldn't have asked I would have stayed longer. He said he wanted me to get better.... I don't know what to believe anymore. He has no empathy for me, he doesn't sympathize with me and doesn't understand how hard this is, he thinks I'm just a lazy spoiled brat.

autumn2

For all future applications you put in. If you think they are going to judge you on the entertaining,I would seriously just get a couple dollar store verizon phones and do the $5.00 prepay for minutes. Put down you were self employed. Sit with the elderly,housecleaned,dog sitter,anything basically to get you the job. Make up a name and give them the #'s to the phones for references. I wouldn't normally condone lying,but for a job it may be necessary.

Croissant

Wishing....I'm sorry you are not well physically. That's not good.

I am sorry you don't feel supported in your current situation. Have you discussed how you feel with your boyfriend? If you don't think he understands, then perhaps talking to a women's crisis service may help?

FreeOwl

having been in that industry and also in recovery - I'd say you have some very unique perspective and experience that would be a strong foundation in recovery work. Both for alcohol and perhaps sex addiction.

Having been in a few strip clubs in my years - I have seen and been a part of how much money and life is thrown away there.

I know that there are support groups for the sort of folk who become just as addicted to that activity as they do to alcohol or drugs.

Have you considered exploring financial aid options / loan options / scholarship opportunities for non-traditional students and going back to school to get qualified in social work?

Maybe you can parlay your experiences into a really richly-rewarding new career helping people....

wishinghope

Thank you both for your support. He is still mad at me that I only turned in three applications before he came home. I did turn in more when he started arguing. I really don't need this. I am going to talk to him. We don't talk we just argue. But maybe if we set a goal for me. Like I fill out this many applications a day or something. If I found a solution to help me get more organized and have a plan. Although I think I already know what his response will be... Something to the effect off "I want you to turn in as many applications as possible everyday" he is mad I am getting new treatment for endometriosis too and said "oh and how are you going to pay for it?" I said "my obgyn is going to talk with the insurance company about coverage" and he just says "ohh" in a mocking tone. I don't think he cares I'm in pain I think he only wants me to get a job to help pay bills. Its not that I don't want that but its hard to look. Its depressing and frustrating. I also hate spending an hour on one application. I am feeling very upset and alone. He won't even kiss me. Maybe I'm being a lazy spoiled brat? I just want to know how to fix this? I want a job. And I will look into those services. It may be a good idea for me. But what do I do?

Gilmer

You need to take care of your endometriosis. Talk to your parents; it doesn't sound as if your boyfriend is in your corner at all. I would think twice before settling in for a long-term commitment with him.

FreeOwl

^yep.

sounds like you wouldn't be doing yourself any disservice to shed yourself of that guy.

Oldselfagain

wishinghope keep plugging away at the job search, something will break your way sooner or later.
Regarding your fiancé, it doesn't sound like he's exactly setting the world on fire if he can't even pay his bills. He needs to be A LOT more understanding and supportive of you. Nothing is more important than your sobriety and your health.
Hang in there and keep your head up. Your situation WILL get better.

phoebe64

Wishinghope, it sounds like your parents are supportive? Maybe you can go back to live there and get some training or have less pressure? You are young and need to first get on your feet financially and emotionally, and health-wise, and your fiance does not sound so supportive. But that is another topic entirely. I just felt so sad to read about the pressure he is putting on you when you need some encouragement.

As for employment, have you considered jobs in healthcare? There are so many jobs in hospitals and nursing homes. Home care agencies. Not all are high paying, but are very legitimate and may offer good benefits if they have full time. In home care settings, someone can be a companion and not need to do very heavy work. You would be alone in homes, but with frail elderly people. Hardly dangerous. I have done home care in my profession, which is as a PT, and it was actually very enjoyable and rewarding. It was an extra job for me, my specialty being more in sports and orthopedics. You can get jobs as aides with very little training. Also, transport jobs, phone or reception jobs, kitchen work. benefits are very good in hospitals, if you can get full time hours.

Have you tried for any waiter type jobs? But maybe that puts you into serving alcohol. My first job, in HS was as a waitress in an ice cream and sandwich shop and tips were very good sometimes. There was no alcohol. Summertime is a good time for those and other service industry jobs. Many beach towns hire summer help as well, to do the cleaning and linen services. But you need to live near that sort of area.

wishinghope

He isn't a bad person but getting his life in order came easy. For me its harder. He doesn't understand why. He knows what I went through, but I don't think he gets that it isnt something I can fix overnight. I really need support. My parents are endlessly supportive not enabling however. They give me resources to work with. When I was living there I felt more positive about my situation. However I have a huge problem. I am addicted to this relationship. I go through very heavy withdrawal when I leave. I shake and panic. I almost feel I need an inpatient program to leave him because I can't handle the pain. Its so bad. I don't know if anyone else has gone through this as it seems rare to have such a bad reaction to a break up. I know normally people hurt but for me it is so horrible. I feel I will die. I don't know why I have such a dependency and when I am out of a relationship I do tend to enjoy being single after the pain subsides but this is my longest and most serious relationship I've had and to leave it feels like I will die. Is it a bad idea to talk to my doctor about some sedatives or anti anxiety meds to do this?
And I am a nurturing person but I don't know if I could wipe a butt if I needed to for the job. I could try to find someone who doesn't require that service but I don't know what's out there. I don't want to seem like I am being choosy. And I've applied for a lot of different jobs, serving, retail, warehouses, pet stores etc. But I do appreciate all the responses and support. I will keep trying and I will talk to him to see if I can get more support and understanding. I mean we've been through so much together. I am a mess. When I was at my parents he told me he wanted me to work on getting better and to focus on me. I left for a week and he asked me to come back home. I didn't think I was ready but I came back a week later and he then pretty much told me he only wanted me to come back to get a job. I don't want to leave him like this. He too is unemployed working odd jobs and isn't a lot of income. And as far as I know isn't filling out job applications. I know he is making some money but it still seems a little hypocritical. We are struggling to pay bills and not once have I ever pressured him to look for a job or anything. I just wish he could show the same support. I don't even know what else to say... I am at a loss. I want to be a partner but he sees me as a spoiled child who he has to take care of. I mean I did a lot of things that hurt him but I wasn't trying to I was trying to cope with past things that weren't healthy. He is still mad about it. I just wish I knew what to do.

Gilmer

I say definitely talk to your doctor. My advice is to back in with your parents. Look up an all-female co-dependency support group. If your parents can afford it, make an appointment with a counselor--they often have sliding scales which offer services for a cheaper rate.

You don't need to be used--and then insulted on top of it!

KissMyTiara

My gym and many gyms now have rooms set up for specific classes, such as kick boxing, yoga, pilates, zumba, etc. Lots of gyms now have stripper poles and offer classes because the exercise is relatively new and demanding. You might consider that. I don't know that they are looking necessarily for "seductive" but more athletic pole exercises if you can do that. You do say your are rather frail, so keep in mind the trainer at my gym is physically very fit.

grubby

Pretty much every single job i've had in my life had one (or both) of the following in common:

1) showing up in person and applying in person, talking to actual human beings

2) knowing someone on the inside or someone who works there

The number of jobs i've gotten applying to a job via some "big corporate online application"? 0

It just doesn't work, when you apply online and do not follow up with some real-life approach you are just a number. Especially now with the down economy..............

......... unemployed college grads
......... the recently unemployed folk
......... people coming off of or running out of UI benefits
......... older people who had their cushy retirement accounts and equity wiped out by the crash
......... the glut of teens trying to enter the workforce
......... out-of-towners

all of these groups are competing for the same rapidly-dwindling pool of jobs, even the minimum wage jobs have fierce competition. Unless you really stand out in some way, online applications are pretty worthless. There's just NOTHING out there it seems, it seems like there's 1000 or more applicants per each job opening. It's just tough out there, it is an economic version of the Sahara desert.

good luck

grubby

Gonna have to agree with this, i've put a white lie or two in my resume a handful of times.......... no one ever said anything or made a fuss out of it.

Unless it's a "important" job such as government-clearance type jobs, higher-up/CEO positions, or military....... i dont think too many of these "big" companies and entities will do much follow-up or looking into it. Most people are just worker-peons anyways, such fact-checking and double-checking is mostly reserved for the "important" positions.

Speaking as a former worker-peon myself, i was never called into the office for some sort of resume "audit". It never happened.

wishinghope

Thank you. I have no way of calling right now. I'm going to see if my fiance will call the phone company since it is in his name and we aren't married. I also don't know any of the account information. I really don't know how he expects me to find a job with no phone. He says he doesn't need a phone but the thing is yes he does. We both do. I hate cell phones too but in this world it has become almost a necessity. If the phone company refuses to work with us I will have to talk him into getting at least me a pay go phone so I can make calls. Also I have a poor resume. Not because of what I typed but my past job. He can go out and have a job the next day because he has built a reputation of being a great mechanic and his resume looks good with all the experience. I have virtually none. I worked in hospitality for a total of a year and I really don't want to go back either. Hospitality not my thing. Dealing with snobs at hotels. No thank you. Not saying all of them were but it certainly wasn't for me. All I have is customer service experience, sales and some knowledge of computers. I even try to experiment with different tactics on my applications hoping they will draw attention. I mean what do I have to lose? And its nothing too outrageous just a little creativity. Also I don't want to work for phone companies. I really hate phones. I have tried applying for those jobs and they say its not required to speak another language but I bet that's probably why I never get hired. I am doing my best in this horrible economy.

wishinghope

And that really is a good idea. I don't know what to put though? Any ideas?

phoebe64

It seems to me your best option is staying with your parents right now. Would they have a phone number where you can be reached? Do they live far away from where you live with your fiance? He does not sound supportive. he nags you to get a job, tells you that you have not made enough applications and now will not help you with a phone?

You need a safe, solid place to live with some supports to get going on your own. If that means allowing your supportive parents to help you, then it sounds like a great option. A fiance should be committed and patient if you need to do that. It sounds like a controlling relationship from what you describe and the way you describe your dependency on him.

wishinghope

They live 45 mins away and not a lot of jobs available. I am sure he will talk to the phone company. I mean I made a lot of mistakes and he doesn't know how to deal with them. But maybe I can talk and sort it out.