Girlfriend told me to get help...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 14
Girlfriend told me to get help...
So basically my girlfriend called me an alcoholic and told me that she'd leave if I didn't get help.
Really didn't want to go to a meeting or talk to anyone in person so this was our compromise.
I can admit that I probably drink too much but I really don't think I'm an "alcoholic" as such. I don't necessarily drink everyday, but her reply to that was I get blackout drunk at least every second day. Also I rarely drink during the day.
She confronted me about all this because she found out I've been hiding bottles, but the only reason I did that was because she doesn't like me drinking period, regardless of how much. So I don't know if she's overreacting or if I'm being obtuse. She "tallied up" how much I drink weekly and it's about 65 standard drinks which kind of surprised me because it sounds like a lot, but I really don't feel like it's significantly impacting my life.
In any case, here I am.
Really didn't want to go to a meeting or talk to anyone in person so this was our compromise.
I can admit that I probably drink too much but I really don't think I'm an "alcoholic" as such. I don't necessarily drink everyday, but her reply to that was I get blackout drunk at least every second day. Also I rarely drink during the day.
She confronted me about all this because she found out I've been hiding bottles, but the only reason I did that was because she doesn't like me drinking period, regardless of how much. So I don't know if she's overreacting or if I'm being obtuse. She "tallied up" how much I drink weekly and it's about 65 standard drinks which kind of surprised me because it sounds like a lot, but I really don't feel like it's significantly impacting my life.
In any case, here I am.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome Theo!
I would say that your girlfriend's threatening to leave is a significant impact. Read around here, in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section, and you'll learn how much impact drinking has on those we love.
I hope you spend some time here instead of drinking, as there is lots of support and inspiration.
Originally Posted by Theo77 
I really don't feel like it's significantly impacting my life.
I hope you spend some time here instead of drinking, as there is lots of support and inspiration.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to SR. 
I'd say drinking to blackout every other day signifies a problem with alcohol, as that is not normal drinking. I think your gf has the right idea and I hope you get all the help you can get to stop drinking.
I'd say drinking to blackout every other day signifies a problem with alcohol, as that is not normal drinking. I think your gf has the right idea and I hope you get all the help you can get to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 29
I completely agree with MIRecovery. I'm on here today because my boyfriend (whom I told can only stay with me if he's taking Antabuse) texted me from work and told me he no longer wants to take Antabuse. He's trying to "compromise" with me and after 2 1/2 years we are still spinning our wheels with his drinking problem no closer to marriage than we were on day 1. I can sympathize with your girlfriend as I know how hard/devastating it is to watch someone continue to lie, hide, and deny their addiction. You have come to the right place and just the fact that you are here sharing your story is very telling that you are coming to terms with the fact that you may have a problem.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Theo77
So basically my girlfriend called me an alcoholic and told me that she'd leave if I didn't get help.
Really didn't want to go to a meeting or talk to anyone in person so this was our compromise.
I can admit that I probably drink too much but I really don't think I'm an "alcoholic" as such. I don't necessarily drink everyday, but her reply to that was I get blackout drunk at least every second day. Also I rarely drink during the day.
She confronted me about all this because she found out I've been hiding bottles, but the only reason I did that was because she doesn't like me drinking period, regardless of how much. So I don't know if she's overreacting or if I'm being obtuse. She "tallied up" how much I drink weekly and it's about 65 standard drinks which kind of surprised me because it sounds like a lot, but I really don't feel like it's significantly impacting my life.
In any case, here I am.
Really didn't want to go to a meeting or talk to anyone in person so this was our compromise.
I can admit that I probably drink too much but I really don't think I'm an "alcoholic" as such. I don't necessarily drink everyday, but her reply to that was I get blackout drunk at least every second day. Also I rarely drink during the day.
She confronted me about all this because she found out I've been hiding bottles, but the only reason I did that was because she doesn't like me drinking period, regardless of how much. So I don't know if she's overreacting or if I'm being obtuse. She "tallied up" how much I drink weekly and it's about 65 standard drinks which kind of surprised me because it sounds like a lot, but I really don't feel like it's significantly impacting my life.
In any case, here I am.
Only you can decide if you have a dependency my friend.
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hiding bottles, having someone close to you tell you to get help and threaten to leave...call you an alcoholic...these are all warning signs. And they can be shocking. If you're like me, your first instinct is to deny and rationalize.
The day my girlfriend called me an alcoholic she slammed the door and left forever, so consider yourself lucky you still have a chance to save this. The question is - can you stop drinking, now? What do you have to lose by giving it a try? You'll benefit a lot from the support here. Keep reading and posting.
The day my girlfriend called me an alcoholic she slammed the door and left forever, so consider yourself lucky you still have a chance to save this. The question is - can you stop drinking, now? What do you have to lose by giving it a try? You'll benefit a lot from the support here. Keep reading and posting.
Recovering
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 99
I can tell by your paragraph that you are at the stage were you have a drinking problem.. however your still kind of afraid to fully admit it to yourself? do you mind if I ask how old you are?
I am 25 now and for years up until I was about 23 I kinda knew in the back of my head I had a drinking problem however I justified it as no I like to go out and have fun with my friends, have parties etc.. But yet I was like you getting black out drunk every 2 - 3 days.
The sooner you admit to yourself "hey I have a problem, I need to get this fixed before it affects my life, my loved ones and my health. I may not succeed first time but I will keep trying until I am there". That is the most important first step I think. Stick around here theres good people and good luck!
I am 25 now and for years up until I was about 23 I kinda knew in the back of my head I had a drinking problem however I justified it as no I like to go out and have fun with my friends, have parties etc.. But yet I was like you getting black out drunk every 2 - 3 days.
The sooner you admit to yourself "hey I have a problem, I need to get this fixed before it affects my life, my loved ones and my health. I may not succeed first time but I will keep trying until I am there". That is the most important first step I think. Stick around here theres good people and good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 14
Yeah I guess none of that is what I was hoping to hear, I'm not the brightest guy out huh...
The idea of not being able to drink actually scares the sh*t out of me and I don't know why. So I'm not trying to be difficult, I just really, really don't want to even be thinking about this.
The idea of not being able to drink actually scares the sh*t out of me and I don't know why. So I'm not trying to be difficult, I just really, really don't want to even be thinking about this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Hiding bottles, having someone close to you tell you to get help and threaten to leave...call you an alcoholic...these are all warning signs. And they can be shocking. If you're like me, your first instinct is to deny and rationalize.
If I was you I'd stop now. Just remember to get sober for yourself, I tried it many times or other people and it got me nowhere.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Theo, I think every single one of us has been very scared at the thought of stopping drinking.
And, alcoholism is determined by what happens to you when you drink, rather than how often or how much you drink. When I drank, I began a horrible person and my life became a mess.
I hope you can keep an open mind and take a look around here.
And, alcoholism is determined by what happens to you when you drink, rather than how often or how much you drink. When I drank, I began a horrible person and my life became a mess.
I hope you can keep an open mind and take a look around here.
Recovering
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 99
Hi Theo,
So you similar age to me.. Im only on my 3rd day sober but it also scares the **** out of me when I think of not drinking.. It makes me feel like the good times and fun in my life are over.
But from past experience once you start getting over the initial withdrawal symptoms you realise you weren't really having all that much fun and life can be blissful without alcohol.
If you want someone to start sober with during the week, stay around here as i'll be on and trying to make it through the weekend! stay strong
So you similar age to me.. Im only on my 3rd day sober but it also scares the **** out of me when I think of not drinking.. It makes me feel like the good times and fun in my life are over.
But from past experience once you start getting over the initial withdrawal symptoms you realise you weren't really having all that much fun and life can be blissful without alcohol.
If you want someone to start sober with during the week, stay around here as i'll be on and trying to make it through the weekend! stay strong
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
People called me an Alcoholic for years,I thought they had no idea what an Alcoholic was,I continued to drink and it got worse,much worse.
The fact you are hiding bottles,drinking to blackout and doing it often,shouts to me you have a major problem.Normal drinkers do not drink to blackout.
I bet you are also thinking about drinking even when you are not?
The fact you are hiding bottles,drinking to blackout and doing it often,shouts to me you have a major problem.Normal drinkers do not drink to blackout.
I bet you are also thinking about drinking even when you are not?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
Hey theo, welcome. I can't tell you your situation but I'll share mine for what it's worth. The way you described yourself was almost as if you were describing me. Eventually I acknowledged I didn't drink like others but considered myself an alcohol abuser, not an "alcoholic." To this day I believe that was true.
And I stayed at that level for a loong time. 10 years or so before the wheels fell off, the whole time telling myself, "I've still got time." Then one day I didn't: the time was finally up. And after that point it was misery for another couple years. Even now I think, "Why oh why didn't i make the changes I needed to make when there was still time?"
The great news for you is that you still have time. Trust me, I know it seems like this will never catch up with you. You're too smart to let that happen.
So was I, and it caught up with me. Like I said, take my little story for what it's worth. And keep hanging around here. It's a good forum.
And I stayed at that level for a loong time. 10 years or so before the wheels fell off, the whole time telling myself, "I've still got time." Then one day I didn't: the time was finally up. And after that point it was misery for another couple years. Even now I think, "Why oh why didn't i make the changes I needed to make when there was still time?"
The great news for you is that you still have time. Trust me, I know it seems like this will never catch up with you. You're too smart to let that happen.
So was I, and it caught up with me. Like I said, take my little story for what it's worth. And keep hanging around here. It's a good forum.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 14
Thank you everyone. And thank you for the offer, Drknz. You're braver than I am..
I feel like if she just could have waited for me to sort things out on my own... She's crying right now and refusing to go to work because she read my first post... Which I did ask her to not do but whatever. So I suppose I should clarify and say that when I said I don't drink every day that's not strictly true.
I feel like if she just could have waited for me to sort things out on my own... She's crying right now and refusing to go to work because she read my first post... Which I did ask her to not do but whatever. So I suppose I should clarify and say that when I said I don't drink every day that's not strictly true.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Theo77
Yeah I guess none of that is what I was hoping to hear
If the thought of not being able to drink terrifies you, welcome to the club. I wasn't sure I wanted to go on in a life without alcohol...which just goes to show you how much of a grip it has on you. There's no magic pill, unfortunately. It's a tough road. But for many of us it's the only option, and in the long run is the key to staying alive. Period.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Theo, one way to deal with the fear of quitting forever is to truly do it one day at a time. Promise yourself not to drink today, as you can make it one day, right? You do not drink everday. Then do it again tomorrow. After a bit, you have several days. It is hard to reflect on sobriety when you are still actively drinking, but you will never see your drinking objectively either, not while actively drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: FtW, Tx
Posts: 198
Theo - My ex wanted time to sort things out and I gave her ample time to do so only to watch her do the same thing she always did... drink. Drinking will not solve your problem and will most likely make them far worse. She loves you or she would not want you to seek help. I know for me watching my now ex drink to blackout several times a week was much like watching someone you love get skinned alive and not being able to intervene. It hurts and it hurts bad. Her motive is not to keep you from having fun. Hope she seeks recovery for herself as well.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
