Girlfriend told me to get help...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: England
Posts: 424
Hi Theo.,
I'm on day two and, like you, didn't think I was an alcoholic. I've known deep down for months that my drinking got considerably worse and that I've been drinking way too much for too long. My husband kept telling me, I wasn't ready to listen. I have a professional job, house, nice car - how could I have a problem with alcohol? I'm slowly realising that we come in all shapes and sizes. There was an AA poster in the GP surgery yesterday which made it hit home. It was a pic of a bench saying: you don't need to live here to need us.
With support of hubby I went and told my doctor the true extent of my problem and have out patient treatment starting next week. Bloody terrifying! The thought of not drinking again? Too much. This time last week I was getting ready for a 'girls night out' where, of course, I got drunk. Today I'm focussing on not drinking tonight, just as I did yesterday. Just as I will tomorrow.
Try and crack this. I have found my determination in the past day or so has changed because I can accept the extent of my problem thanks to people here.
Good luck
I'm on day two and, like you, didn't think I was an alcoholic. I've known deep down for months that my drinking got considerably worse and that I've been drinking way too much for too long. My husband kept telling me, I wasn't ready to listen. I have a professional job, house, nice car - how could I have a problem with alcohol? I'm slowly realising that we come in all shapes and sizes. There was an AA poster in the GP surgery yesterday which made it hit home. It was a pic of a bench saying: you don't need to live here to need us.
With support of hubby I went and told my doctor the true extent of my problem and have out patient treatment starting next week. Bloody terrifying! The thought of not drinking again? Too much. This time last week I was getting ready for a 'girls night out' where, of course, I got drunk. Today I'm focussing on not drinking tonight, just as I did yesterday. Just as I will tomorrow.
Try and crack this. I have found my determination in the past day or so has changed because I can accept the extent of my problem thanks to people here.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If other people think your drinking is ridiculously out of control they're probably right. Part of being a drunk is a long, ingrained history of rationalizing away your slow spiraling descent into alcoholism. Dude if you are getting blackout drunk at all it's too much, and 3-4 times a week is, as they say on the internet, "serious business".
You have to understand that a woman wants a man she can be proud of, a man that her mother and her friends compliment her on. You're a symbol of status in society and a source of (or a drain on) her self-esteem/self-image. I guarantee most women have not ever thought to themselves, "I hope someday I'm in a relationship with a guy who's blackout drunk most of the time." When you're regularly a reeling, slovenly drunkard it's not good juju for the relationship and that's not even getting into all the direct effects that your drinking has on her life.
I was scared to think about my drinking too, but next month marks a year since my quit date and I have nothing but good things to say about life after booze. You can deal with the booze problem either before or after she leaves you. (I ended up going with "after" - my gal moved out about a year and a half ago. Maybe "before" is a better choice ..)
You have to understand that a woman wants a man she can be proud of, a man that her mother and her friends compliment her on. You're a symbol of status in society and a source of (or a drain on) her self-esteem/self-image. I guarantee most women have not ever thought to themselves, "I hope someday I'm in a relationship with a guy who's blackout drunk most of the time." When you're regularly a reeling, slovenly drunkard it's not good juju for the relationship and that's not even getting into all the direct effects that your drinking has on her life.
I was scared to think about my drinking too, but next month marks a year since my quit date and I have nothing but good things to say about life after booze. You can deal with the booze problem either before or after she leaves you. (I ended up going with "after" - my gal moved out about a year and a half ago. Maybe "before" is a better choice ..)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname 
If other people think your drinking is ridiculously out of control they're probably right. Part of being a drunk is a long, ingrained history of rationalizing away your slow spiraling descent into alcoholism. Dude if you are getting blackout drunk at all it's too much, and 3-4 times a week is, as they say on the internet, "serious business".
You have to understand that a woman wants a man she can be proud of, a man that her mother and her friends compliment her on. You're a symbol of status in society and a source of (or a drain on) her self-esteem/self-image. I guarantee most women have not ever thought to themselves, "I hope someday I'm in a relationship with a guy who's blackout drunk most of the time." When you're regularly a reeling, slovenly drunkard it's not good juju for the relationship and that's not even getting into all the direct effects that your drinking has on her life.
I was scared to think about my drinking too, but next month marks a year since my quit date and I have nothing but good things to say about life after booze. You can deal with the booze problem either before or after she leaves you. (I ended up going with "after" - my gal moved out about a year and a half ago. Maybe "before" is a better choice ..)
You have to understand that a woman wants a man she can be proud of, a man that her mother and her friends compliment her on. You're a symbol of status in society and a source of (or a drain on) her self-esteem/self-image. I guarantee most women have not ever thought to themselves, "I hope someday I'm in a relationship with a guy who's blackout drunk most of the time." When you're regularly a reeling, slovenly drunkard it's not good juju for the relationship and that's not even getting into all the direct effects that your drinking has on her life.
I was scared to think about my drinking too, but next month marks a year since my quit date and I have nothing but good things to say about life after booze. You can deal with the booze problem either before or after she leaves you. (I ended up going with "after" - my gal moved out about a year and a half ago. Maybe "before" is a better choice ..)
Since it's killing me to read all the "alcoholism is progressive, you'll be drinking every night before long" replies I'll come out and say it. I lied. I do drink every day. I drink a lot. I drink to the degree that any sane person would consider alcoholism. I don't know why (or, more pressingly, how) I managed to maintain denial for that long. But anyway, that's where we stand on that.
I really hate that I'm here. The only thing I find moderately appealing about this site at the moment, is that you have the perfect emoji for this occasion;
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Theo,
That made me sad to hear she was crying. I know that my drinking caused tears too. Including my own.
It was a scary day for me too when the inevitable pain of my drinking could no longer be denied. I think that day comes for everybody whether we want it too or not. And for some us it sneaks up and taps us on the shoulder with a loved one saying I can't watch this anymore and others it comes full force with a smack right up against our heads with a fatal blow.
You took a very courageous step here Theo. Facing truth is never easy. Wasn't for me. I hid from it for years. Only way my life changed was when I faced it and did something about it. Good thing there are lots of somethings to do about it and I didn't have to do it alone.
It can be better. I too used to wonder how I would ever live without drinking. Now I do it everyday. For over a year. Now I wonder how I lived doing it. My life is more than I ever imagined it could be now that I don't drink. It ain't perfect. But it is fantastic. Because it's real.
Welcome. Do your best facing your truth. I hope you find your peace and happiness. You deserve it.
That made me sad to hear she was crying. I know that my drinking caused tears too. Including my own.
It was a scary day for me too when the inevitable pain of my drinking could no longer be denied. I think that day comes for everybody whether we want it too or not. And for some us it sneaks up and taps us on the shoulder with a loved one saying I can't watch this anymore and others it comes full force with a smack right up against our heads with a fatal blow.
You took a very courageous step here Theo. Facing truth is never easy. Wasn't for me. I hid from it for years. Only way my life changed was when I faced it and did something about it. Good thing there are lots of somethings to do about it and I didn't have to do it alone.
It can be better. I too used to wonder how I would ever live without drinking. Now I do it everyday. For over a year. Now I wonder how I lived doing it. My life is more than I ever imagined it could be now that I don't drink. It ain't perfect. But it is fantastic. Because it's real.
Welcome. Do your best facing your truth. I hope you find your peace and happiness. You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 38
Hey, it's great that you're being honest. I recently came out to my close friends and family, because unfortunately, it really is textbook progression. I think the question you have to ask yourself is: can I truly stop at just a couple? From me, it's no way. 1 isn't enough and 20 doesn't quite do it. Sadly, once I realized that's the difference between my "normal drinking" friends and me, I was finally able to at least attempt to start my journey. You can do it, too.
NotMyReal name hit it spot on up there in what a woman is looking for. I couldn't agree more. This may sounds cliche, but I've never understood "guys' guys". Now a man's man, I can understand. That's someone with character, integrity, and strength. Someone who will stand up and do the right thing in the face of overwhelming opposition.
I can tell you my own battle has been very tough recently now that I am committed to fixing it. Admitting defeat and my own failure to make a LONG string of better decisions when I've always been the strong guy that people look up to like that is very humbling. I know that I am powerless over alcohol and it only gets worse. I tell myself tomorrow I won't.... But inevitably, I'm 15 drinks in later in the day. I am not at that point now, but you see what I mean.
You too can embark on this journey to freedom. I know it shackles me and has turned me into a weakling. I want to be the strong man again, and it sounds like you do, too.
Sorry... got to rambling a bit there. All I can say is that after a 20 year drinking career, it really snuck up on me fast in the end. Don't let that happen to you.
Glad you came to join us here!
NotMyReal name hit it spot on up there in what a woman is looking for. I couldn't agree more. This may sounds cliche, but I've never understood "guys' guys". Now a man's man, I can understand. That's someone with character, integrity, and strength. Someone who will stand up and do the right thing in the face of overwhelming opposition.
I can tell you my own battle has been very tough recently now that I am committed to fixing it. Admitting defeat and my own failure to make a LONG string of better decisions when I've always been the strong guy that people look up to like that is very humbling. I know that I am powerless over alcohol and it only gets worse. I tell myself tomorrow I won't.... But inevitably, I'm 15 drinks in later in the day. I am not at that point now, but you see what I mean.
You too can embark on this journey to freedom. I know it shackles me and has turned me into a weakling. I want to be the strong man again, and it sounds like you do, too.
Sorry... got to rambling a bit there. All I can say is that after a 20 year drinking career, it really snuck up on me fast in the end. Don't let that happen to you.
Glad you came to join us here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 38
Somehow I missed some of the earlier posts. There's some good advice in there. Here's another thought for you: Eventually I realized I had become a "boring" person. I had sacrificed all of the hobbies and interests I had for booze. The only one that's left is skiing (I live at a resort), and after a near death experience, I thought wow... I don't want to go out to the booze. Ever.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by Theo77
I don't know why (or, more pressingly, how) I managed to maintain denial for that long.
The truth is, even now that I've seen the light, there's STILL a part of me deep down that has a really, really hard time believing that I can't drink moderately. But I tested the banana peel recently. It was humbling and illuminating to say the least.
Glad to see you back, Theo. Very sorry to hear about all that's happening on your side of the screen. Hang in there amigo.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Facing it honestly is the first step.
Learning to be an adult without the "refuge" of drunkeness is a challenge.
You are 24, and have used alcohol as your escape most likely most of your adult years,
and before, I'm betting. So did I.
The first "mental" hurdle for me was finding other ways to be present in uncomfortable situations
instead of heading for the bottle. The physical cravings faded in a few weeks in my case, but
there will be mental "surges" of desire, especially after stress. For example, look how you picked up
the bottle earlier in your first postings when you told your girlfriend off--that first line of so-called defense must change.
There will be uncomfortable situations to face, since you are no longer pushing them down and away with booze.
Your family doesn't "allow" men to express / show feelings you said--in my family it was just plain dangerous so same result.
That will have to change because having feelings and expressing them appropriately is part of being a healthy human being.
You need to plan for and expect facing difficult feelings and engaging instead of retreating from them.
Cognitive therapy, hobbies, exercise, good nutrition and plenty of sleep were all methods which were, and continue to be, helpful for me.
I was exactly where you are right now--absolutely terrified and lost at the idea that
I could no longer drink safely in the future, which sounded like a death sentence quite frankly.
Now, you couldn't tie me down and force me to drink.
Life is that much better--I am clear-minded, present in my relationships and job,
and the paranoia, fear, and anger and self-loathing from a difficult life have mostly been
processed and released.
That "processing" part wasn't easy, but the results have been so worth it.
Learning to be an adult without the "refuge" of drunkeness is a challenge.
You are 24, and have used alcohol as your escape most likely most of your adult years,
and before, I'm betting. So did I.
The first "mental" hurdle for me was finding other ways to be present in uncomfortable situations
instead of heading for the bottle. The physical cravings faded in a few weeks in my case, but
there will be mental "surges" of desire, especially after stress. For example, look how you picked up
the bottle earlier in your first postings when you told your girlfriend off--that first line of so-called defense must change.
There will be uncomfortable situations to face, since you are no longer pushing them down and away with booze.
Your family doesn't "allow" men to express / show feelings you said--in my family it was just plain dangerous so same result.
That will have to change because having feelings and expressing them appropriately is part of being a healthy human being.
You need to plan for and expect facing difficult feelings and engaging instead of retreating from them.
Cognitive therapy, hobbies, exercise, good nutrition and plenty of sleep were all methods which were, and continue to be, helpful for me.
I was exactly where you are right now--absolutely terrified and lost at the idea that
I could no longer drink safely in the future, which sounded like a death sentence quite frankly.
Now, you couldn't tie me down and force me to drink.
Life is that much better--I am clear-minded, present in my relationships and job,
and the paranoia, fear, and anger and self-loathing from a difficult life have mostly been
processed and released.
That "processing" part wasn't easy, but the results have been so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
So you realize that life's not going where you want it to and you're not being the guy you want to be. That's great. Getting over the hurdle of denial and identifying the problem is a big first step. But now what?
Maybe this is where you man up and make the big, life-changing, momentous decision to face your problem and commit to doing what it takes to rise above, to transcend. Hell yeah it's frightening. But people do it, you can read their posts right on these forums. It's not impossible or an unavailable outcome for you. It's not an easy or fast process, but you can do it.
Or maybe you don't -- maybe you stick to the simple road of denial, inertia and the status quo. I know I did, for a long time. Maybe we have this discussion again in ten years. Plenty of posts from people who go that route, too.
I can tell you, it was has been a big load off my mind to be sober. Being a drunk didn't fit my value system so I was always conflicted, and the lifestyle didn't exactly lend itself to noble acts. Self-esteem was a problem. I'm no paragon of virtue now, but at least I'm not a complete jerk anymore lol
Good luck
Maybe this is where you man up and make the big, life-changing, momentous decision to face your problem and commit to doing what it takes to rise above, to transcend. Hell yeah it's frightening. But people do it, you can read their posts right on these forums. It's not impossible or an unavailable outcome for you. It's not an easy or fast process, but you can do it.
Or maybe you don't -- maybe you stick to the simple road of denial, inertia and the status quo. I know I did, for a long time. Maybe we have this discussion again in ten years. Plenty of posts from people who go that route, too.
I can tell you, it was has been a big load off my mind to be sober. Being a drunk didn't fit my value system so I was always conflicted, and the lifestyle didn't exactly lend itself to noble acts. Self-esteem was a problem. I'm no paragon of virtue now, but at least I'm not a complete jerk anymore lol
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Liters
Assuming 1.5 ounces to a Standard Drink, as Government Health and other Services do, >65 such Drinks = ~3 Liters.
Put 3 full Liter Bottles of Seltzer Water or something like Ginger Ale on the Counter. Ask yourself if consuming those 3 Bottles of Booze/week seems like a lot, or too much.
Sometimes a visual of something helps convey the reality of it. Especially if the Bottles used for this illustration are clear and not tinted...
It is not Physiologically possible to ingest that much Alcohol weekly and maintain objective judgement about whether it's affecting your Life. I know this because I degraded to drinking even more/week than you are.
I don't think about never drinking again any more than I think about a Meteorite hitting the Earth. To not think about it simply takes the stress of such thinking right off the Table, and makes it a non-issue.
Put 3 full Liter Bottles of Seltzer Water or something like Ginger Ale on the Counter. Ask yourself if consuming those 3 Bottles of Booze/week seems like a lot, or too much.
Sometimes a visual of something helps convey the reality of it. Especially if the Bottles used for this illustration are clear and not tinted...
It is not Physiologically possible to ingest that much Alcohol weekly and maintain objective judgement about whether it's affecting your Life. I know this because I degraded to drinking even more/week than you are.
I don't think about never drinking again any more than I think about a Meteorite hitting the Earth. To not think about it simply takes the stress of such thinking right off the Table, and makes it a non-issue.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname
I'm no paragon of virtue now, but at least I'm not a complete jerk anymore lol
Last edited by Dee74; 05-18-2014 at 02:29 PM.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by Theo77
I'm 24.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Good to have you here, Theo- no matter the reason for coming it can be a good thing. Ultimately it comes down to whether or not you're "ready to grow up" now. I first realized I had a problem maybe 20 years ago but I wasn't ready to grow up or face it, and I sure wasn't ready to stop. It took me many years and lots of negative consequences to finally make me see the light.
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