Unforgiving Spouse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 103
My counselor thinks I need more sober time before making the decision to separate. My husband thinks if you are going to separate then you should just go ahead and divorce. A separation would make me hopeful that we could turn it around and reconcile. Either way I have 4 great kids who make this whole thing so much more complicated. I have never prayed so much in my life. I feel the exact way I did when I quit drinking - sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Might want to see what your sponsor thinks about a separation, you don't want to mess your progress up now. Your husband may change his mind about divorce if you do separate. I you do try a separation I wouldn't do it for too long and have the least amount of contact you can with each other.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
It's possible that he imagined that all his problems would be fixed when you got sober, and that he's now learning that this is not the case. It's not a stretch to say that this can be a very traumatic experience.
With all the help you're both getting, I'm wondering if anyone has brought this up.
People go through all kinds of hell when one of the two people in a relationship attempts to make major changes, and not everyone is prepared for either unintended or unwanted consequences.
By getting sober, you've also taken away his job as the "healthy one," the one who went to great lengths to help you. Many people derive a great deal of satisfaction in the role of "the helper," and are then at a loss when the tables are turned.
With all the help you're both getting, I'm wondering if anyone has brought this up.
People go through all kinds of hell when one of the two people in a relationship attempts to make major changes, and not everyone is prepared for either unintended or unwanted consequences.
By getting sober, you've also taken away his job as the "healthy one," the one who went to great lengths to help you. Many people derive a great deal of satisfaction in the role of "the helper," and are then at a loss when the tables are turned.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Piedmont
Posts: 17
When one person starts taking care of themselves, the other one can flounder. A bitch fest Alanon meeting means not run very well IMO. This book is a fantastic read for your husband. It really puts the responsibility for his life and hapiness back on HIMSELF. This is a good one for you to read too to understand what he is going through. The Book is Called "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Fantastic book. I dont' agree with the poster that recommended seperation. I think your husband needs to look at his own life and behavior to change the marriage.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
