When one person starts taking care of themselves, the other one can flounder. A bitch fest Alanon meeting means not run very well IMO. This book is a fantastic read for your husband. It really puts the responsibility for his life and hapiness back on HIMSELF. This is a good one for you to read too to understand what he is going through. The Book is Called "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Fantastic book. I dont' agree with the poster that recommended seperation. I think your husband needs to look at his own life and behavior to change the marriage.