Tetra

I am just wondering, because I am having a tough day.

My mom has this idea that I am sick and can't manage without her.

Like today my sister is having a very tough time with her husband. I would say a break-up is coming and he is such an ass that we will be actively encouraging this.

Anyway my mom says to me "where will she live if they break up? She can't come here because I have my hands full looking after YOU".

It's things like this that **** me off rightly, and sorry guys, but praying for her just isn't going to work today.

BTW, I have been seen by a psychiatrist once, and he told me I am not crazy, and that as long as I stay away from alcohol there is no reason why I should not live a good and normal life.

I have had it up to here today, and supposedly people (neighbours etc. and relations that are "doing well") are roaring laughing at our family. Where are these people? Who are they? Her paranoia is quite startling...

FreeOwl

I think that as we wrestle to come to terms with sobriety, as we face the consequences of the lives we'd been living and the attitudes of those we've effected, it is very common to feel the way you are feeling.

We'd like all the hurt and fear and negative feeling to go away. We'd like the world to see us as different than we were. We'd like to put it all behind us and move on and not be plagued with memories of the life we left behind. We'd like people to believe in us and we'd like to NOT be 'different'.

I think that comes with time. Time builds character and trust.

I'm sorry you're having a rough patch and I hope that you can find healthy outlets (like here, some intense exercise, a long walk...) to work through some of the feelings you're struggling with. I hope you remain strong in sobriety and I believe that as time goes on, these things will change.

Mountainmanbob

Do people treat you differently because you are an alcoholic?

not really
most all have some kind of issues going on
that's life
MM

huntingtontx

Is there any way you can get a place of your own. That would stop her judgement about taking care of you. No one ever mentions my drinking. I don't drink, no one ever asks why. When I am at a drinking function, I bring green tea. Everyone knows I love green tea. I think a lot of it is our attitude. I pray it gets better for you.

Tetra

Well she said to me once when the three of us (Dad, myself and herself) were talking about something and I was saying what I thought and she turned around to me and said "you are an alcoholic and therefore your opinion doesn't matter".

My therapist says her resentment is sky high...we talk a lot about my mom but he is on holiday this week.

littlefish

We can have relationship problems that don't really have anything to do with being an alcoholic. Your mother sounds like a relationship problem, she sounds unsupportive and toxic.
Maybe she is bitter from things that happened in the past and feels like she has to bring this up frequently.
It doesn't help.
Try to avoid being around her if you can, try to avoid getting dragged into the drama.
I am guessing you won't be living with her forever so just keep your eye on the future and focus on sobriety one day at a time.

Anna

I don't tell people in my life that I am an alcoholic. I see nothing to be gained by doing so.

I agree that your mother sounds like someone you might want to distance yourself from, at least for awhile. Your recovery, your healing and your self-esteem are priorities right now.

biminiblue

Yeah, mom has some issues of her own.

She's going to do her thing. All you can do is be the best daughter you can be under the circumstances. Pretty sure she's not going to change, so you have to change your reaction to her in order to have your own peace.

yeahgr8

No one has ever treated me different because I am an alcoholic, why would they?

Your issues with your mother sound a bit more complex than just the alcohol, it is just handy that she has the alcohol to blame. Can you remember being genuinely encouraged before alcohol? Jeez the toxic relationships can seem so difficult especially if they are parent ones. Get into recovery somehow, maybe you will need to move away first who knows?

Tetra

Well I am...on May 1st I will be at 6 months.

I am just finding things very stressful today. I have to constantly remind myself that much of what she says is opinion, not fact.

Thank you for all your replies x

KAD

Hi Tetra! It sounds like you're doing very well with your sobriety. Stay focused on that. I've found one of the hardest things to deal with is trying to start over and be optimistic about the future only to have the past constantly thrown in my face. My relationship with my SO doesn't sound nearly as toxic as the one you have with your mother, but I do understand what it's like to not be trusted. I'm afraid I don't have a ready answer as far as how to handle it, other than time. I do like what someone else suggested and that is, if possible, looking into having a place of your own. In the meantime, unloading some of your frustration here might be useful. I wish I could be more help.

Ruby2

Hi Tetra,

I agree with littlefish that your mom is a relationship problem and not an alcohol problem but that is small comfort when you have to deal with her snark and your recovery. I've read earlier posts of yours from back in October when I first started coming on SR and you have come a very long way. Your mother sounds a bitter, angry person and you are, unfortunately, someone close by that she can lash out at. Her frustrations with her life are causing her to spread poison wherever she goes. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. Keep a distance from your mother. From what you have written, if people are saying anything at all about your family it is probably more along the lines of "that poor Tetra, I don't know how she puts up with it." Hugs.

curliQ

What they said. This issue is not about your alcohol (and big fat congrats on your accomplishment!). This is about your mother. She sounds very destructive. Do NOT let her sabotage you.

GracieLou

Most people do not know I am an alcoholic and the people that do are fellow alcoholics, most are in recovery and a few are still practicing.

The only one that is not either is my mother. I think both of my kids have addiction issues but that is another thread.

The only thing my mother has ever said is being around a recovering alcoholic is like walking on egg shells. I am not sure why she feels that way. Compared to how I was, I am really quiet now, fairly calm and serene. I can only assume she means she is watching everything she says and does not that I am putting that out there. If that is the case that is her issue, not mine.

Pretty much everyone treats me normal, whatever that is. I assume its normal..lol

Amazingglazier

Tetra , I went through the same thing with my SO, and still do at times! I think they like to push buttons to "TEST" you, like my probation officer did the first time I met him, he has calmed down alot in a short time and is actually pleasant after seeing i'm serious. Her not so much , but after the crap I gave her for 34 years, I let it roll off my shoulders. I am really concerned only with my sobriety and helping others in my situation, other than that , I could care less what others think or say! StaySTrong and Well ! Bobby

Tetra

Well, there are times when I do not know what I did in a past life to deserve this.

We are just back from a family dinner and my mom was screaming at us about how she can't believe she reared "such three ******* useless idiots".

I just looked at her and said "excuse me...I deserve some respect. I am a human being and you do NOT get to talk to me like that".

She actually said sorry. I am surprised.

ScottFromWI

Sometimes people don't realize how outlandish they are acting until they are called out over it. Good for you for standing your ground.

CaptainPolaris

I have supportive family and friends. Many of them know strictly because I wasnt about to stop on my own. As result they only treat me different by not having alcohol when Im around and apparently counting my drinks and informing my other close family and friends when I do drink... Even when I think they don't notice. I try not to have hard feelings toward them bc they are only trying to help... And I know that even if Im not happy about it at that moment. Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel? Not in anger... Really talk about it. I don't know how you are but I couldnt just leave my mom without a thought. We talk every day even living states apart. Good luck

Ruby2

Yay for you!

curliQ

Sweetie. No child deserves that. EVER. She really has a problem. Please understand that. You could be "perfect" and she would have a problem.