Jimcarrey92

I must admit as much as I am committed to quitting alcohol, I always wondered why recovering alcoholics can't have like one night every year to drink a few beers or a few drinks and unload, as long as you're aware of your problem and are focused on creating a better life for yourself, wouldn't that be enough to get you through 11 plus months ? Because I find myself romanticizing about drinking A LOT over the past few days and dreaming about 7-8 months down the road getting drunk one night like "I've earned a drink if I go 8 months" and I'm convinced also that I can go another 8 months after that. In other words, if you got drunk every 8 months for the rest of your life would it really be a danger to your life? And the fact that I'm thinking about this does that mean I'm not capable of recovering yet? I'm currently at 54 days right now, my record is 60 and these 54 days have felt like 400000000 years it's slow and difficult and my life is very sad And stressful with my mother sick with COPD and could die Ny moment and I just found out I have a deviated septum and that my allergies could turn into asthma if I don't get rid of my cats I'm just in shambles nothing is going my way what does it mean if I'm not committed to a life time of sobriety ? What's wrong with the every 8 months plan just for the sake of argument

Seren

Hi Jim!

I moved your thread from the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum to Newcomers

I think you will get a lot more traffic and support here!

lovemesomeokra

Don't have any answers, but appreciate the questions and am looking forward to reading the responses. Thanks for posting, Jimcarrey92.

doggonecarl

If you can talk yourself into drinking once ever 8 months, you can talk yourself into once every six months, then five months, then once every couple of months. See where this is headed?

If you could have drank every eight months, you would have. You can't, that's why you are here. That's why you need to quit for good, forever.

ScottFromWI

I think you certainly could be in denial Jim. I think you also have some other concerns outside of drinking to adress, we all do when we quit. Most of used alcohol to try and numb or escape those issues rather than facing them head on...which is part of the reason we are so unsure in early sobriety.

I can say without a doubt though that your notion of being able to have another drink someday is denial. Alcoholics cannot regain their ability to moderate or control their drinking, even after months or years.

Odelle

I think your AV is playing you! Hang in there another 2-3 weeks and you will very likely realize the absurdity of that negotiation.

casinva

I can only speak for myself here - I am an alcoholic. I KNOW I can't just have that one night of a couple drinks. Sure there are people out there that can only have 1 drink with dinner or only drink once a week or once every 8 months - they're not alcoholics.

sugarbear1

I did that. My problem is that once I have that one day, the next day I just return to old behaviors.


One isn't enough; one beer or one drunk. For me, it becomes continuous......

Today I have no desire to drink, life is way too good!

Ruby2

I think you are in the perilous phase between acknowledging you are an alcoholic and admitting it, deep down in your soul, that you are an alcoholic. And that leads to bad decision making. I have been there. Still am for that matter but gradually getting better. My husband and I separated for a month or so earlier this year because I was struggling to stay sober after relapsing and he was out of control drinking. I hung on to my sobriety. He sobered back up and started working his program again. But I was stubborn about him coming home. I listed a zillion reasons to myself about why I didn't want him back but one day, clarity struck. I was hesitant because I had reservations about quitting drinking. I thought if he wasn't here, I could drink like a normal person. I knew better. I know I can never drink normally. Ever. But I still entertained those thoughts.

Hardships come. We can endure them sober but have to make plans in advance. I am sorry about your mom. My dad has pretty severe cardiac issues and deep down I know that he doesn't have a whole heck of a lot of time. So I am getting myself ready. He wouldn't want me to drink for him when he dies. Hang in there. We are all here to extend a hand of support.

Gakx

Jim, I would love to follow that plan too...say maybe 3 nights a year, I can get drunk. BUT then, I wouldn't be an alcoholic, would I? That would be called normal.

I play the tape: I buy booze for my one night, but then I have some left over the next day. Well, goodness me, wouldn't want to waste that but it isn't quite enough. So, I go buy more and drink another night. Guess what? I have a little left over the next day...et cetera.

That tape never runs out for me. I know where that one night of drinking lands me and withdrawal really sucks. Like Odelle said, it is AV negotiation strategy. I can't fall for that BS again.

Great job on your sobriety success, I hope that you take pride in it and continue on. Stay strong for yourself and your mother, both need you to be whole again.

eaglesa1a

Jim, just a quick story. Six years sober/vacation in Colorado for the first time in years and feeling like I had earned the right to drink.I drank a couple of days, then went three months and earned it again-then one month,one week,everyday
with more of a vengeance than it had in the 30 years prior. Just remember-alcohol= cunning ,baffling,powerful. Stay strong my friend.

FeelingGreat

Jim, what sort of drinker were you? For instance if you're a binger then having one day would be really dangerous. Also I noted you weren't planning to have a couple of wines over dinner on your 'day', but 'getting drunk one night'. So it's not exactly missing the taste of a fine wine, but missing the sensation of being drunk. So no, I don't think it would be safe for you to allocate one day, because it could trigger you to start again. There are plenty of threads on this forum from people who have thought they could just drink now and again and have relapsed.

Take heart though, it's your AV talking that makes you think you can moderate. Recognise it for what it is, tell it to go away, and it will gradually give up.

Vigilance

Unfortunately for me, that one night always turned into 8 months. I'm an alcoholic.

AdmimalBlueEyes

for me I loathe alcohol. You couldn't pay me enough to drink. Though I'm suicidal by nature ( bypolar / emotionally void ) I'm thankfull and lucky I still have a fuctioning liver and kidneys . I'm also thankfull that my sobriety has come easy to me vrs others that strugle so hard with it, I personally would not want to insult god by saying"hey thanks for the helping hand , I'm all better now . so I think I willocasionally partake in the thing you saved me from , you know the one that was controlling my life. That thing that I didn't have any idea how to go to sleep without, that made every day misserable. Thanks for making me better, I will get back to you if I need anymore help. " No . I'm not super intuned with god . but I know a gif when I recieve one and I'm not about to return this one for store credit, I'm done with alcohol.

Not that you've been sober for so long enjoy your freedom from hangovers . binges, and hurting your body . one of the most important steps in quiting is admit finality to your old ways .
Good luck my friend

AdmimalBlueEyes

On the las part I meant , now that you've been , not , not that you have been

LadyinBC

Well, I for one am not interested in one or two drinks. My ultimate goal when drinking was to get drunk. I can tell you I wouldn't be happy with a few drinks, that is nothing more than a tease really.

One night of drinking for me would probably end in a 5 day binge. I have no doubt in my mind that is what would happen.

afloatsober

My partners friends husband just did that. Two years sober, wanted a blow out, bought a bottle, 14 drinking days later dead of organ failure. He was an alcoholic God rest him.

GracieLou

We are so much alike

I have no fantasies that I can some day be a social drinker. I may have sat in a social situations when I drank but I in no way drank like one, ever

One or two drinks? Please.

"Crossing the river of denial" - She finally realized when she enjoyed her drinking she could not control it and when she controlled it, she did not enjoy it.

I never, ever wanted to control my drinking. That was of no use to me. I enjoyed the ritual of getting drunk and being drunk. If I had to control it for some reason, I was frustrated and at times pissed off. It was better not to drink at all then have a couple. One is one to many.

At this point in my sobriety I can't imagine being drunk again. I know it is not like that for everyone and I am grateful. Many remain jealous or down right mad that they cannot drink like a social drinker. They can't have a beer or two while cutting the lawn or having a BBQ.

To thine own self be true. My alcoholism has not changed, I have.

EndGameNYC

If I were able to drink one night every eight months, then drinking wouldn't be all that important to me.

least

That depends on what happens during that once-in-every-eight-months binge. That could be the time you get hurt, or hurt someone else. Who knows what could happen. Do you really want to take that chance?