Raider

Anna I can appreciate that some comments irritate you. But I'm one of those that have to do it myself regardless of what worked for the majority. I guess I would like to think that some may take the advice here and not have to make the same mistakes. But I believe that probably is not the case.

GotGrace

I have wondered about that. Thanks for a great post, Anna!

Nonsensical

Excellent stuff.

I just want to add one little tweak.

Don't assume that if you've relapsed once, twice, three times that you can keep doing the same thing and still be able to accomplish your goal.

You can absolutely make it back after a relapse (or fifty). But if your plan was to live sober and you drank, then your plan needs some work.

Anna

Raider, I totally understand we're all on our own path, on our own time.

And, 'irritated' is not the word I'd use. I simply wish that some of us could avoid some of the pitfalls.

PurpleKnight

I agree, I bang on about plans all the time but it's true!!

Changing nothing but expecting different results is unrealistic, only through a change to your plan can anything change!!

liss74

Chronic relapser I bother myself let alone others, I agree with the addiction side because it's sucking me down. The grip it has on me is like some demon, I even spoke to it yesterday and said leave Melissa alone , I didn't , relapses are so painful and I do not think for one second it's part of recovery !!! It sucks and make me really sad inside rips a piece of me everytime x

malcolmsloan

I know you guys are sick of hearing me say it, but here goes again: it took me 7 years to get back to sobriety after a "relapse." Not something to take lightly.

PurpleKnight

Sick of it?!! . . . keep hammering that sentence out, over and over again, we NEED to promote that alcoholism is not something to take lightly!!

That YOU may never come back from a relapse!! . . . it's a serious business!!

forabetterlife

Thank you Anna for this thread and for all if the insightful responses. It was just what I needed right now. After 8 years or more of nightly drinking and it's effects, I "found" sobriety about 2 years ago and fell in love with it, but have yet to find the tenacity to do whatever it took to make it stick. I cycle through days, weeks and months of hard fought, glorious sobriety and then relapse for days, weeks, or months at a time. While this is "better" than my years of constant drinking, I do realize that it is still addiction at it's finest, not true recovery.

My addiction will find any excuse to relapse during my weaker moments, and sometimes that may come in the form of a well meaning, honest post about relapse that I read. The bottom line is that we need to individually accept and want to stay sober, no matter what we read, see, hear, or feel.

I feel it's a tricky line with a recent relapser. Beating oneself up over it may just create an attitude for the drinking to continue. And "learning" from it can become a crutch to just keep doing it. I know I don't want to be attacked when I relapse, that just makes me want to run away. But too much coddling can make it seem ok and maybe "part of recovery"

I am still on the learning curve, but from my own experiences and from the many of you so much wiser than I, I believe that we have to come to a point where enough is enough, and we have to accept our relationship with alcohol, admit that it will never get better and put an end to the madness and the cycles. I think in the beginning I fell for the relapse is part of recovery theory. There are only so many times we can learn from a relapse. My first couple if did learn from and they seemed profound. Now they are just par for the course. We can't let our addiction lie To us like that. We know better.

FreeOwl

damn straight.... one of my sponsors, by the time he got to AA, had got to a bad enough bottom that he walked through those doors and never looked back.

26+ years sober, not a single relapse.

Another guy I look up to in the rooms is another similar story - 23 years.... only once did he nearly relapse and that was enough to scare the crap out of him and back into the rooms at a time he'd strayed for a while. Never a relapse.

A guy who is currently sponsoring me through step 5 was beaten down pretty damn badly, found himself in detox and then rehab and from there had a vision of God that turned him onto a sober path to save his life. Through spirit, rehap and AA - he's never had a relapse. over 20 years.

So, it can definitely be done. I feel I've "relapsed" a few times.... but only once when I really did take an honest run at sobriety. And then decided I was "ok". It wasn't so much a relapse as a conscious choice to go to some controlled drinking after I'd actually learned a lot about addiction and recovery and then decided I wasn't REALLY an alcoholic.

Well.... that lesson was learned and I plan on living the sober path from now until my deathbed. No relapses.

It can be done.

Kris47

I knew it to be just awful and don't ever want to go back. Having said that, we are ALL just One drink away from being a slave again or worse. It is nothing more than returning to the hell we've known.

Good to think on this and store it away. Thanks Anna.

UTVOLFAN

Yes ma'am... The first time I quit drinking was when I was pregnant and it was HELL... I almost lost my baby.... I stayed sober for several years, so long that it started to seem like not drinking was just a choice I'd made in order to be a mom. Once I decided I wasn't addicted, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have a drink now and then... and that was four years ago. I had thought about quitting again several times over the past few years, and pretty much daily for the past few months. One of the main reasons I didn't was because I was TERRIFIED to go through the detoxing process again like I had the first time. So I just figured I was going to drink till I was dead. I've only been off a few days now, but I literally have the fear of God in me. I never want to go back, because I never want to not be able to stop again.

Very helpful post. Thank you! <3

joyousone

I was sober once over 5 years...then yes I guess I relapsed..back into drinking again. Then I grasped sobriety again for almost another 5 years. Stopped doing what I needed to do and relapsed again. I don't post much at all because I know I am no longer in recovery from this horrible disease. When I am am I hope to also share my experiences with you all. In the mean time I so appreciate all the support and wisdom so many of you share with me everyday.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks for this Anna. I also noticed yesterday some threads saying " relapse is part of the recovery process" No it isn't! Of course we want to be sympathetic and kind to people who are struggling and come back but saying it's part of the process almost feels like saying " oh it's ok, don't worry about it,it's normal,acceptable, part of it" which imo is enabling them to continue doing it.

I agree that every relapse makes it harder to stop drinking ,it robbed me of hope and each time it became harder. If I could not have relapsed I wouldn't have.I only did because I wasn't fully committed to sobriety

chickippo

my last relapse nearly killed me. it wasn't necessary for my recovery, but i have learned that it had to be the last one if i value my life, which i'm starting to do.

i'm glad i made it back. i nearly didn't, and some never do.

MythOfSisyphus

That's how I see it, too. Relapse is part of addiction, not recovery. Sobriety has to be taken seriously. Maybe 15 years ago I stopped drinking for six months; I got spooked by some bad consequences and figured I needed to dial it down for awhile. Back then I was more of a binge drinker and I had some ability to moderate for short periods. Even then I knew I wasn't gonna quit forever, just for awhile. So when I started drinking things were even worse.

Once I finally understood that I had to stop, I stopped. No relapses for me now 17 months or so in. If I start again I may not able to stop. I might die.

To those who do relapse, don't think it's the end of the world. Don't lose hope. But as the others say, don't take it lightly either.

MythOfSisyphus

That reminds of a joke I heard one...how come we believe the scientists when they say there's 100 billion stars, but we still have to touch the wet paint sign?

Don't worry, Raider. There are other paths. It looks like yours is working for you.

Looking4Help123

I'm scared of hating myself even more for relapsing than I did when I didn't think anything was wrong. I am worried that that hate will drive me even deeper. I am tired of hating myself and don't want to do it anymore!

So I had thought if I do happen to slip I had told myself not to hate myself. I realise that sounds like Alcho talk probably already making excuses for myself. But I just want hope and positivity that if I do I can get up, dust myself off and try again. We should all do cold turkey I realise that because this is such a destructive and deadly thing, but for me still that is so hard to consider as I'm one day at a time.

Looking4Help123

Please sorry everyone I don't want to upset anyone I am just cryin now I don't want relapse to be a dirty word just need some hope that no matter what happens I can get through it.

Dee74

I don't think you'll find a more understanding place than here, looking 4.
Each of us have been there too

All Anna, myself and other people are saying here is that we want to see everyone leave addiction behind and lead happy joyous lives again

Noone wants you to hate yourself - we want you and everyone else to realise your amazing potential
D