Olive1

And I believe that if you stick around, then one day you will get it.

Goldcoastgirl

It is okay, just breathe through it. Don't you think that you deserve people to be NICE to you? Just because we drink doesn't make us bad, evil people, just people who need help. You deserve people to be nice to you. Just remember that, okay?

2muchpain

There is nothing cheerful about drinking. Sure, it makes me more comfortable, but the price paid is immense. I got lucky finding this site. I was looking for a detox center (no luck), but found this place. You won't find me waking up the next morning laughing about the night before. it's all about regrets and bad surprises. Not worth it.

Goldcoastgirl

I got lucky finding this site too 2muchpain, so something good has happened to us and I am grateful. If I have drunk the night before I am scared to open my eyes, see where I am, what state I'm in, try and remember what I did/said the night before - there is nothing more devastating than that feeling and every person on this site understands, has been there. This is like a special family for me, one I don't have to apologise to, make excuses to but can just (for once in my life) be the real me. It is very freeing. No-one apart from the people here have ever been privy to the real me.

2muchpain

Took a quick nap, woke up. I dropped my cell phone and when leaning over to pick it up, I leaned on my tv cable and screwed that up. I was beside myself. I ended up throwing things around, swearing, etc. Once I calmed down, it took a few minutes to get my cable up and running again. It doesn't take much more to send me to the liquor store. What a joke. I'm talking about a cable problem, not a problem with money or a place to live like so many people have to deal with. I don't have to deal having enough to eat or girlfriend problems, so what's my problem? I have it made compared to other people. I'm just a self-centered person who is disgusted with himself. If I had to deal with what many people deal with, I'd drink myself to oblivion. But a problem with my cable. Give me a break. lol. I swear I could just drop something, than I go off. If my favorite program is not on, than it's time to throw a tantrum. Time to make a gratitude list. It would be long.

matt4x4

The 12 traditions state as long as you have a desire, you are welcome in the rooms of AA. I have been to many meetings hammered out of my mind, black out mode, drinking booze inside the meeting thinking I was the coolest cat around thinking no one knows what is in my Big Gulp cup. But as long as I didnt disrupt the meeting by rambling, mumbling, speaking then I was welcome. No one threw me out. But different meetings have different group conscienous', and different regions of the world as well have different sayings and formats to the meeting.

I never gave up before the miracle happened. I kept coming back to AA until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I at first just didnt want to drink, but the promises came true when I worked the steps.

Robert777

It's not as simple as that. If it was, it would mean we were not alcoholics. This affliction is very powerful and manipulative. Do you have a program for recovery? Or are you deluding yourself that you can do this without daily support? I wasted so many years doing that. Have you tried AA? There is great power in those rooms, they can help take away the obsession/compulsion to drink. What do you have to lose? Well, a lot actually. Maybe try out some meetings on a trial basis, it might just be the thing you have been seeking for so long.

LonelyShadow

You sound very down on yourself 2muchpain and sounds like you're really struggling, what comes through most though is that you clearly KNOW you have a problem, it might help to know a LOT of people have had severe drug and alcohol problems despite the fact they 'have it made' you don't have it made because you're being severely troubled by this problem.

You might surprised at just how much better you feel when you simply make a decision to stop, just make the decision, you don't have to do it right away!

For what it's worth you don't sound like a bad person to me.

kleigh

Please stick around, we're all here for you! It doesn't matter if you have 10 years sobriety, 10 minutes, or just relapsed. We ALL belong here because we all want to stop. You are most definitely not a hypocrite. Sending you all the positivity I can muster

ReadyAndAble

Even in the face of addiction, you're quick to remember other people, and rank their struggles above your own. That's the opposite of self-centered.

I can tell you're sympathetic to others, and respectful of the pain they're in. Please try to extend a little of that compassion toward yourself. Addiction is brutal, roof over your head or not. There's no need to beat yourself up over a tantrum; it's to be expected.

You're really no different than anyone else here. And as this place proves, anyone can recover. You may still be drinking, but I think you're already moving in the right direction.

sobercatholic

That is what this forum is for, continued support by others for those still suffering. Leaving reduces that support which is not good for you. Keep coming here and read and post. Stop listening to that part that wants you to admit defeat; the people here can help interrupt that chain of thinking.

Yeah, that sounds bad, but that is exactly what I did, attended AA meetings for 7 months, quite often "under the influence." Shoot, I once drove home in a blackout. I sorta remember the meeting, then the next thing, I was on the living room couch, hours after the meeting ended. An AA buddy followed me home to see if I'd get there safely.

2muchpain

SoberCathoic

Now I've heard everything, I think. It must of taken a lot of courage for you to go to meetings for those 7 months. I'm surprised they didn't kick you out, cause I've seen it. One nice I knew was kicked out for 6 months. But another guy that drank all the time was accepted. Go figure. It's great somebody followed you home.

2muchpain

I knew another guy, real nice person and really followed the program, brought someone who was drunk to a meeting hoping he would get something out of it. The people there got real upset and kicked the guy out. Now, I wasn't there, but I know that particular meeting is full of old timers that are very strict about things, so I wasn't surprised when I heard about this. Some meetings are more open to alcoholics than others. lol

FreeFall

2muchpain Stick around SR-it is such a resource, eye opener, and haven. You sound like you're close to ready to stop. You might be shocked to find it's easier to completely stop than to try to moderate. That's what happened to me. So many failures while convincing myself that each time trying to control it would be different. Stopping entirely ended up being a relief. Go figure!

I know a guy that goes to AA every morning, and the bar every night. Makes no sense to me, but he insists he gets a lot out of the meetings?!

badatbooze

You are not alone. I am actually afraid to drink but do it anyways. Three days sober here but literally afraid I'm not going to be able to do it. I just never know where the first one will take me. I am going to camp out on this site after work and all weekends. This place helped me get sober for three months a couple years back. Then thought I could party July fourth. The last two years of drinking have been worse than the first twenty five. I want to be sober so bad now I can taste it. You can do it. Get through a week and you will start to really like how it feels. I have felt that and I want it back.

2muchpain

Really! How can you do that, going to a meeting than a bar later. That makes no sense to me. I've been to treatment centers where some people, somehow managed to find a way to get high. I'd be asking myself, other than legal issues, why are you here? A counseler at a treatment wrote in her final report that she thought I was using when I was there. It would never cross my mind to do that.

Gakx

Drinking or not, we are backing you 100%. Your support network grows daily here and we want you to beat this thing. And you are not alone, I still throw little hissy fits when I drop my sock trying to put it on. Really? It's a sock, just pick it up but no I must curse and flip out, which in turn scares the dogs who remember my black out belligerent nights unfortunately.

The AA meetings near me always have someone who is drunk or high and violence at the meetings is commonplace. The environment is so very conducive to a healthy, sober way of living...not.

I believe that posting here is healthy no matter what the subject. You will receive support, understanding and advice. Now, that being said, I might ought take my own advice and finally post my own thread. I haven't yet because I fear that I will be berated for my feelings and viewpoints on my life/sobriety. You give me courage to reach out; I need the helping hands too...I think we all do.

Always glad to see you still on here. You are still fighting the fight. Best wishes always.

Mags1

Hi 2muchpain, I wouldn't call myself nice, I was selfish, self obsessed for my next drink. Yes, I worked and on the outside was a nice hard working person. Inside another story.

We aren't , or I'm not, perfect, I'm just here for help to keep me sober. For two hoots, I could be in that abyss again.

But I'm not going to let me have that satisfaction, for me it would inevitably lead to death. So I'm not nice or perfect just a woman who's asking for help and getting it from all my friends on SR.

Take those brave steps with us, we are just like you, come join us and change your life for the better. xx