adee

Yes, years ago when I was desperately trying to get sober the first time, and it came from someone in the program, which deeply bothered me. Alcoholism is so stigmatized and misunderstood in general society at large, that I just expect to hear that from people who aren't in recovery, which doesn't really bother me. But I also think there can be this kind of ugly "she/he's not a REAL alcoholic" judgement even in AA. I wish everybody would just live and let live on this matter. It can be devastating and minimizing to someone clawing their way through sobriety to hear those words.

I think a lot of alcoholics are just so programed for external validation that these comments can have a profound affect. We really need to not give a **** what others think of us trying to save our own lives.

BrentSC

I purposely make up excuses just to avoid hearing this. When you're trying hard to convince yourself that you're making the right decision, comments like these make it much more difficult. I never announce my desire to stop drinking since I know I'll hear everyone try to convince me it's unnecessary.

Joe Nerv

Early on I was told by a handful of people that I was not an alcoholic. The people who said that either didn't know how much I actually drank (I used to drink before ever leaving the house), were alcoholics themselves, or just simply drank more than me, and got into more visible trouble than me when drinking. My bottom was on my insides, not as visible to others as fights, arrests, DWIs, and your typical drunken blunders.

Most important thing was that I knew my deal. I really didn't care what others thought or stated regarding my drinking. It ruined my life, and I knew it would continue to do so if I didn't stop and stay stopped. That's all that mattered.

jdooner

Everyone around me told me I was not an alcoholic - my wife (alcoholic), my brother (alcoholic/addict), colleagues, friends. However, I found that over time when I asked people I cared about and shared my back stories nobody knew the extent, nobody.

You are the only one that needs to accept this. Try to tune out others they don't know you - hell you might not know you but if you feel its become a problem it probably has.

MattyBoy

People feel a little bit threatened when they see others who have reformed their drinking habits as it sub consciously forces them to analyse their own relationship with booze.
Also, the term 'alcoholic' is historically a very dirty word which is shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding. To most people, if you're not waking up with the DTs and downing a bottle of vodka for breakfast, they don't see an alcoholic.

You don't have to label yourself an alcoholic or have anyone elses opinion of what you are change the fact that your relationship with booze is not a healthy one. If people tell you 'you're not an alcoholic' how about you tactfully agree with them but point out that your relationship with booze was problematic for you and that you're now better off without it.

scintillady

When I went to detox I was the only one in there who was in for the first time. One of the young guys who was on his third trip told me "You don't look like an alcoholic".

Threshold

I've had people tell me that.

I just know my life is better if I am not drinking and drugging. And a recovery program is helping me build a better life still.

So, I'm a person who doesn't drink or drug. No further explanation or justification needed.

That's actually one of the things that I've gained in recovery, being OK with other people not thinking I am right, or agreeing with me. I used to think I had to fight, or prove something. I wasted a lot of time and energy on it.

Jus

I think some go into denial about it. It's not the amount you drink. It's what it does to you.

Take care of yourself. You know what's best for YOU.

I stopped listening to those who told me I didn't have a problem....ha (stupid me)

EverySngleNight

Stigma, stigma, stigma. Preconceived ideas and notions about what it means to be an Alcoholic. If it doesn't mean some poor homeless person drinking out of a paper bag, under a bridge somewhere- and even people who appear "normal" can be alcoholics, where then do I fall on that scale?? People take it personally, especially if we leave any gray areas in the equation. At one time or another, EVERYBODY (alcoholic or not) who drinks, has done something drunk, that they aren't really thrilled about. The difference is "At least I'm not an alcoholic, right?"

That's how it worked for me for YEARS. Really! In my life, alcoholism was defined in a very extreme way. The 2 people that I'd known who were alcoholics both died. "I'm not dead/dying, therefore I must not be an alcoholic." "Anybody who calls me an alcoholic, doesn't know what that word really means." No... that's not good! Back then, if someone who drank similarly to me had claimed to be an alcoholic- I wouldn't have taken them seriously. That would've messed with my bubble.

The entire world pretty much culturally justifies drinking, and I think our definition of "Alcoholic" as a whole- is pretty extreme.... If we define an alcoholic as someone whose life is impacted negatively by alcohol- most everyone would have to stop and assess.