BigBobby

I was in a dark dark place last July. I had been drinking heavily for a number of years but had turned to spirits. I email my boss drunk on a Sunday night saying i would not be in work Monday because i am dying. I then self harmed and everyone was worried. The police did a welfare check and i was taken to casualty.
A mental health nurse looked disgusted at me when i admitted i had an alcohol problem. I was then referred on to another nurse in cupboard casualty who specialsed in alcohol (hospital alcohol liason service). She was really calming, gave me harm reduction advice and informed family and my work i was well. The hospital alcohol liaison service is new at the hospital. She then referred me onto community alcohol services and i have been sober since and am now also in AA. I feel better and back at work but feel ashamed about making everyone worried that night and it has always been on my mind. The alcohol nurse was really helpful but the mental health nurse just look down on me like a piece of rubbish even though it took a lot of courage to say i had a problem. Again i am feeling 100 times better but embarrassed at what i did self harming and sending worrying emails to work. On reflection though i think i was dying because my hloods were sky high then but they have since returned to normal.

wolfpackfan45

BigBobby, don't be ashamed. I'm not an alcoholic, but my 22 year old son is a recovering one. We got a call from the hospital a year ago that he'd a breakdown and called an ambulance. when they got there he was screaming he was dying. He wasn't, but was convinced he was because he was coming down off alcohol and was suffering from panic and anxiety. He had to drop out of college for a semester, and he had to explain to his roommate what was going on, and all his friends. Her was ashamed too. You know what? Neither of you have anything to be ashamed of. You had some serious problems and you've dealt with them appropriately. It takes a very strong person to overcome problems like that. You've done a great job and I admire you! That mental health nurse might want to reevaluate whether she's in the correct field or not. She is the one who she be ashamed for looking down on someone who was struggling. Not very professional in my opinion. Hold your head up high. You're working on your problems and doing everything you should be doing to get better. congrats on a job well done!

GotGrace

Hi Bobby! I can understand your regret. Would it help you to talk to someone at work who was worried about you? Someone who you respect and trust. Maybe by simply laying it all out and including the excellent progress you have made since July you will feel better. I would imagine that any caring person would be empathetic and also very impressed with the great changes you have made.

Congratulations on the way you have changed your life. What you have done requires huge amounts of strength and courage. Be proud of yourself!

Notimetoloose

This makes me so mad, seriously, they have a job to do, and they are in a position that require them to be responsible and accountable to not only their position in the ER but also more importantly to the patient...

When people like yourself come in and are clearly very sick and in need of their expertise, they fail miserably...believe me you have nothing to be ashamed of.

On the other hand she needs to hold her head in shame to impart such an impact onto you.

I am so please you are feeling 100 times better and feel proud of your sobriety, you have nothing to be ashamed.

Dee74

Hi Bobby

I'm sorry you still feel weighed down by what happened. You were not responsible for someone else's reaction.
It's her problem not yours.


Maybe try focusing instead on the great progress you've made and the great success you've had turning your life around and being sober?

D

nicole100

Hi Bobby,

I agree with what has already been said--particularly that the nurse that was less than amazing may want to reevaluate her career choice.

That said, I have felt as you do. I have been in the hospital about 6 times as a result of alcohol, prescription drugs and depression. I never thought to leave a note and that disturbed me and haunted me for a long time. But then I realized I was not okay. I was under the influence of prescription drugs and alcohol. I am no longer ashamed of my behavior. But I am trying to do all I can to ensure there are no other incidents like those.

The only thing you can do it to forgive yourself. You are dealing with things remarkably well it sounds. I'm sure your friends and family are just thankful you are safe and healthy now.

Suekie

Hi Bobby,

I understand. I have done some outrageously humiliating things, worse than that (my old place of employment was a real estate office with a bar/restaurant downstairs.. imagine the scenarios), and I still cringe when I think about them. But you have to leave the past in the past. Realize that you had the COURAGE to change and you have succeeded. You have made yourself a better person and have owned up to your mistakes, many people don't make it that far. You're an inspiration.

You just have to remember, the thoughts you have when you think back to the embarrassment are heavy in your head, keeping YOU up at night.. not keeping anyone else up at night, they are too busy worrying about their own problems. I always have to remind myself that when I think the world is laughing at me and my mistakes/misfortunes. They have mistakes and misfortunes of their own they are worried about to be worried about ours!!
Hope that helps

Imabuleva

So you're coming up on six months sober?

Most alcoholics don't even come close to that. Keep truckin'. Alcoholism is a horrible disease and if left untreated, will result in a painful death. If you're lucky.

Inca

I totally relate. I have some work situations that still make me cringe as well. I try and look at it as a blessing. If I hadn't gone that low I wouldn't have stopped drinking when I did. Just the fleeting thought of the things I did and said when I was drinking keeps me away from the evil liquid.

I've enjoyed reading all of the comments above because I'm going to take the advice and be proud of how far I've come. Keep up the good work yourself!!

Marcher13

Bobby it sounds like you are making good progress, I admire you for that. The nurse who 'looked disgusted' may not have felt that way at all, she may have been tired from all the cases she was dealing with, in fact I'd be surprised if she was disgusted with you.

Can you talk to your boss? Maybe ask for a few minutes of his/her time, briefly let him/her know you are progressing well, thank him/her for their understanding and then say you'd like to apologise for that email because it has been worrying you. I'm sure your boss would appreciate such openness.

Eldy

Bobby,

Congratulations on your length of sobriety. I think many of us have had experiences like you have mentioned where we feel embarrassed or bad about what we put other people through. The main thing is where your at now. Be proud of yourself for how far you have come!

KateL

Keep on trucking. Don't look back too much. You aren't that person anymore and people will realise that and be glad to have the real you back. People move on with it more than you realise. Don't beat yourself up xxxxx

FreeOwl

feeling remorse over our past actions won't kill us, and that remorse will fade in time as we accept and move on and begin more and more to cherish what our lives have become....

on the other hand; alcohol WILL kill us.

You're on the right path.

Tamerua

Hi Bobby, you were sick and you got help so it sounds like you did what you should. Have you talked to your sponsor about this? We all have things we are ashamed of but the steps help relieve that. Hang in there and congrats on 6 months sober!

JanieF

Hi Bobby, arghhhh so many things I'm ashamed of, but found step 8 to be the most important for me. Still have my moments and those who judge, but judgement is more about the person passing judgement than it is you.

SnoozyQ

Bobby , first of all CONGRATULATIONS on being sober since July ...( i am too )
You really need to start being kinder to yourself now.
Its time to let the embarrassment go and move on.

Ugh i would love a dollar for every stupid embarrassing thing i did whilst pissed. ;-(

I have realised that was drunk me and not sober me . We are 2 different people.

You should be so proud of yourself for getting to 6 months . Look at the positive ...if this had not happened , you may still be where you were .

I'm sure this gave you the motivation to continue to be sober.

My mum always says " out of something bad , comes something good !

In your case it really has ;-)

Don't spend another minute stressing over things you cant change ( they have probably forgotten anyhow ) and it wouldn't be as big a deal to them as you have made it in your mind .

Tomorrow is another day , enjoy it . Don't be stuck on yesterday's

Congrats again , you have done a FANTASTIC job to stay sober .

Feel free to join our July class , we would love to have you xx