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Old 01-02-2014, 05:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Broken hearted by Ex Fiance


Hello All,

I was with my ex for about 3 years and we have son together. When he decided to get help, for be an alcoholic 3 months ago, he kicked us out of his house. I was left with nothing. He says he feels better alone and his moods change week to week. One day he loves me and the next he doesnít. On Christmas Eve, he stated that he is not sure if he even loved me the whole time we were together. He said he doesnít know how to feel anymore and that he feels empty. Is that common? I am truly heartbroken! I donít think there is a day, I donít cry. Iím really hurt and confused on what is going on.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry, but he sounds like a first-class asshat! Anyone who would kick a child out of their home is a douchebag. Focus on taking care of yourself and your child. Your child deserves your love and protection. That guy does not.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yes, focus on yourself and your child and do the best you can to take care of him.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm sorry that happened to you Christina. I don't usually pass judgement but I have to agree with Suki - anyone who would throw their child, let alone the childs mother, out of their home is probably not worth worrying about one second more.

I hope 2014 will be a new beginning for you and your child
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with all the above. I do also agree about the numb and detachment felt in early sobriety. Regardless of how I "feel" it doesn't give me a free pass to be a jerk and hateful to those around me, ESPECIALLY my children.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Christina, I am amazed that he kicked his own child out. Please seek legal advice as soon as possible as you will have rights you aren't aware of, especially as you have a child with him. He does not have the right to cut you off like this and leave you with nothing.
I agree with the others that he is not worth your time, but that's in the context of a relationship. He must fulfil his responsibilities to you and your child.
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Old 01-02-2014, 07:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank u all! I'm still disbelief he is acting like this. He won't even talk to me. I want some closure but I doubt he will even give it to me. My heart really feels broken. I just wished he was honest wit me from the beginning.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christinastar10 View Post
Thank u all! I'm still disbelief he is acting like this. He won't even talk to me. I want some closure but I doubt he will even give it to me. My heart really feels broken. I just wished he was honest wit me from the beginning.
Please consult a lawyer. Since he is the biological father of your child he will have a financial responsiblity for monthly support.

Your child, and you, are entitled to that so please protect yourself and begin this process.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but my mother foolishly walked away from her first husband who was quite wealthy and did not ask for support.

We grew up struggling and poor which made things very hard. Don't put yourself through that. Even a small amount of support can really help.
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks! I've been so sad I couldn't see straight. . You all have really opened my eyes. I had thought it was something I did since his family hasn't even reach out to me to see how we are doing. I'm sure he lied to them. But I will definitely look into my legal rights and start any process that is necessary.
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Old 01-02-2014, 11:51 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I might get flamed for this, but take him for everything you are legally entitled to in case you need it to support your child. Anything could happen and you need the resources available. Best case scenario is that you can reduce the amount of support you need from your ex if everything works out ok. You don't know what will happen with your ex - he may never recover from his alcoholism and you will be entirely responsible for the housing, education and medical care of your child. Don't let him off lightly in the hopes you might get back together or becasue it's the easy road. In the ideal scenario, everything will work out between you but you must be prepared in case you need to fight to provide for your child.
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Old 01-03-2014, 01:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Give yourself closure and get this guy out of your life. You can't control what he says or does but you can regain control of your life and self respect. Look after yourself and your child,put you and your child first. Let him be.

Some people are just bad people-with or without alcohol.He sounds awful and you 're better off without him
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Old 01-03-2014, 06:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I agree. As a 1st time alcoholic in recovery (I was a dry drunk) I can understand why he has no feeling and is empty emotionally, but that doesn't give him a free pass to walk away from your child. Also, I think it's a sign he is heading for a relapse because all of his walls are up and armed. He is pushing people away because that is what we do. Make him accountable to be a father. It's not right or an excuse but he is shutting you and your child out and is probably lying to his family. You can't fix him, but you can fix your situation by being the strong mother everyone here knows you are. It took a lot of courage to post this here and trust that what are saying is the truth
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Old 01-03-2014, 02:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I am seeing how caught up in my emotions I am. I guess I was trying to hold on to something that may no longer exist. Thank you all for waking me up.
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Old 01-03-2014, 02:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I agree with going after child support. He may be a jerk but he has a responsibility to his child, no matter how "empty" he may be feeling.
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Old 01-30-2014, 05:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hello everyone! I found out my ex is now seeing someone and can barely make it to his meetings once a week. Which that now, I have completely given up on making it work wit him. He thinks just because he is feeling better he doesn't need the steps. He said he is doing fine on his own.
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Old 01-31-2014, 11:15 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, I know how much it hurts as went through similar myself. Please keep reaching out.

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Old 01-31-2014, 11:24 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I have to agree it was a true and total jerk move to toss you and your child out....

surely there is some truth to his confusion and emotional instability in sobriety but that doesn't excuse the action nor make it hurt any less.

Might be best that you just focus on you and your child for now, getting the support you need and give yourself some space and time.

Maybe in time he will come back around to a new emotionally-capable place. Maybe this is a painful stage that can one day be healed. Maybe it will lead to a place that is far better than ever. Or... maybe that guy is an immature jerkwad who even in sobriety won't have his proverbial sh1t together for some years to come. Either way, you focusing your energy and love on yourself and your child for a while won't hurt.

I'm sorry for your challenges.... yet remember; they do make us grow and deepen our lives.
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Old 01-31-2014, 03:36 PM   #18 (permalink)
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"He thinks just because he is feeling better he doesn't need the steps. He said he is doing fine on his own."

Even without all the other stuff your ex has done - this comment that you posted shows me that he is running towards relapsing. Best that you are out and taking care of and protecting yourself and your son.
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Old 01-31-2014, 05:50 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks u all for the support during my hard time. I know things will get better for me in time. My son is my main priority.
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Old 01-31-2014, 10:51 PM   #20 (permalink)
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kick into gear mama mode. you have a baby. you can do it

strength to you, you can and will do it!

contact me if needed.
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