sadsal74

Hi.new to forum lookin forward to readin posts on it.i alcoholic.stopped drinkin 13 yrs ago and was totally sober and happy for ten n half years.had severe withdrawels but neva fitted got thru the hallucinations n shakes n self loathing,attended local alchy meetings for few yrs not aa or twelve step just placecto chat wiv those in same boat.met husband got married (v unhappily) started on shandys n was ok.split wiv hubby had good job was at college daughter happy n i busy n happy.then met old mate.long story short we got together n the shandies became pints.he drank but only wen out.at first i was ok.then after he moved in n started smashin my house often physically n mentally hurtin me n controllin me i spiralled to drinkin wine n vodka.not physical dependence as before but an emotional crutch and excuse for me addiction to re emerge.long story short after lots of police visits for domestics he took away n bailed convicted of assaultin me n restraining order still stands.ex hubby came back as a good mate but stupidly i retrusted him n am back here sad lonely skint n angry at myself.only drank a few times since aug but had binge two wks ago for four days n sunday got d n d ticket.i happy not to drink just angry n sad.my ex hubby uses my drinkin for every problem in world.i spendin xmas alone whilst he spendin it wiv my family.he lies bout me to them n they bleev him cos they know how i can b wen drinkin n hes golden boy cos they dont know wot he really like.anyway sober n stayin sober.just lost as no job no mates i trust cos he befriends em on pc n lies bout me to them.then i play into his hands by gwttin drunk n now my drinkin more binge whereas before was everyday n nite.hope to offer my story to others if they get any use from it n look forward to reading others.i no how to b sober its wot i want.i work(or did til i lost room i rented) and have had clients wiv addictions n its worked well as i kots of empathy and understand the processes of addiction and abuse.just angry n sad at myself so not reachin foe beer cant txt mates or family cos dont want him to no owt n come online to resist the self pity wallow that is part of the addiction to me cos it leads to a binge n i def not goin there.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Hope you stay close by.

Beanie25

Hi and welcome..

Mags1

Hi sadsal welcome to sr

Seabee

Hopefully you can get some support here. Sorry to hear about your situation. Only thing you can do right now is try to stay sober. If you don't do that, you won't move forward at all.

sadsal74

Hi thanks for the welcomes.and yep u spot on stayin sober is all i got.but what a powerful thing it is.i get thru nxt few days n rest b rite.same to everyone else.bein an alchy is such misery n hard work to maintain when drinkin stayin sober easy as owt really in grand physics of things.happy xmas eve to one n all.postin from my fone so takin me a while to read things but if anyones thinkin a few yrs abstinance n u can drink well good luck to u vut i wouldnt risk it.not worth it.i worked so hard in my ten n half clean yrs n threw it all away by drinkin n openin up the can of worms that goes with it.i sure i only put up with my violent ex partner as an excuse to drink n i know he 'groomed' me for his own reasons i wontcmention on ere.thanks for the welcomes

EndGameNYC

When we drink, we settle for much less in our partners, our work, our plans for the future, our friends, and the expectations we have for ourselves, all across the board. After all, who wants to be with a drunk?

I don't know how to get you out of your misery, but asking for help is a good start.

Seabee

I didn't drink for 6 1/2 years and when I let it back into my life, it was worse than before. The urge was worse than ever. I should have never taken that first drink. Still not sure why I did.