When we drink, we settle for much less in our partners, our work, our plans for the future, our friends, and the expectations we have for ourselves, all across the board. After all, who wants to be with a drunk?
I don't know how to get you out of your misery, but asking for help is a good start.
“The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.” W. James