sayin hello n where i am at mo
Hi.new to forum lookin forward to readin posts on it.i alcoholic.stopped drinkin 13 yrs ago and was totally sober and happy for ten n half years.had severe withdrawels but neva fitted got thru the hallucinations n shakes n self loathing,attended local alchy meetings for few yrs not aa or twelve step just placecto chat wiv those in same boat.met husband got married (v unhappily) started on shandys n was ok.split wiv hubby had good job was at college daughter happy n i busy n happy.then met old mate.long story short we got together n the shandies became pints.he drank but only wen out.at first i was ok.then after he moved in n started smashin my house often physically n mentally hurtin me n controllin me i spiralled to drinkin wine n vodka.not physical dependence as before but an emotional crutch and excuse for me addiction to re emerge.long story short after lots of police visits for domestics he took away n bailed convicted of assaultin me n restraining order still stands.ex hubby came back as a good mate but stupidly i retrusted him n am back here sad lonely skint n angry at myself.only drank a few times since aug but had binge two wks ago for four days n sunday got d n d ticket.i happy not to drink just angry n sad.my ex hubby uses my drinkin for every problem in world.i spendin xmas alone whilst he spendin it wiv my family.he lies bout me to them n they bleev him cos they know how i can b wen drinkin n hes golden boy cos they dont know wot he really like.anyway sober n stayin sober.just lost as no job no mates i trust cos he befriends em on pc n lies bout me to them.then i play into his hands by gwttin drunk n now my drinkin more binge whereas before was everyday n nite.hope to offer my story to others if they get any use from it n look forward to reading others.i no how to b sober its wot i want.i work(or did til i lost room i rented) and have had clients wiv addictions n its worked well as i kots of empathy and understand the processes of addiction and abuse.just angry n sad at myself so not reachin foe beer cant txt mates or family cos dont want him to no owt n come online to resist the self pity wallow that is part of the addiction to me cos it leads to a binge n i def not goin there.