Django

As it says in the title apologies as I've got a few questions.Just to clarify,I'm asking as I want to understand alcoholism properly and not shy away like I have been from it,which I think is a huge step for me personally.I haven't gone to an AA meeting yet and I have every intention of doing so.But right now it's not possible as I live in a very small town and the nearest one is a 25 minute drive away.Reason being is I sadly went on a binge which left me with just enough money for petrol to get to work.Again I will take a positive from this as I have no way of buying alcohol myself...every cloud people :-) Anyway sorry for the rambling!

I can't for the life of me figure out or find what av is?!From reading peoples posts (and a lot of inspirational ones at that) I'm guessing it's describing the way something just clicks in your head that you want a drink?

Also and I think a lot do get this by reading posts,but when you have 5 or 6 days sober,your exercising,minds clear,your happier etc,is it normal for an alcoholic to think "well this time it will be better because I'm a lot happier and I can control it"?

This is in no way me saying I've had a drink or want one!Im just asking because if I can understand things a little clearer and realise that unfortunately it's part of being a person ready to fight this disease I will have a better chance of winning the war,god knows I've lost many of battles!

Again apologies but I know your all lovely people and everyone has been so supportive of one another.

On a side note,I'm in a good place in my head right now and this forum has helped a lot and I never thought it would.Ive got doubts sure but like I say learning a bit more about it then it can only have benefits to stay sober.

Thank you and I hope everyone who has been struggling finds some inner strength and can just take it one day at a time.

Anna

AV is Addict Voice, which is that nasty little voice in your head that wants you to drink. And, yes, your AV often tries to lure you back when you've had a few sober days by saying 'See, you can do that, no problem'.

advbike

You got it! That little voice tells you it won't be a problem now, but of course it is. I listened to mine tell me that for 20 years and kept believing the rascal. Took me awhile but I finally learned never to believe ANYTHING my AV told me, whether about alcohol or the need for a new toy in the garage. He lies, gets me in trouble, spends my money, and keeps me from the spiritually centered life I should be living..

heath480

Good news that you plan to try a meeting.

You can call the local helpline number and chat about the meetings near you.

West Kent and East Sussex 01622 751 842. Manned 24 hours.

least

I also used to think that now I could control it and it would be ok to drink "this time". It never worked out that way tho. Before I knew it I was back to my normal over drinking.


The good thing about the AV is that the longer you're sober, the dimmer that voice gets til finally you hardly hear it at all.

hokey

"Also and I think a lot do get this by reading posts,but when you have 5 or 6 days sober,your exercising,minds clear,your happier etc,is it normal for an alcoholic to think "well this time it will be better because I'm a lot happier and I can control it"?"

I think it's the other way around for me ... it's not better because I am happier, I am happier because it's better. And I never, ever think that I can control it .... I can eliminate it, but I cannot control it ... it controls me. Don't even know if any of that makes sense to anyone but me . It is different this time around compared to other times that I have tried to quit, and I do seem a lot more content with my decision but I think it's my mindset going in this time. I had to beat myself up for a few more years and destroy a few more things in my life (I guess) before I was ready ... and now I am ready.

Django

Thanks for the replies :-) So normal drinkers who just fancy a drink but they can take it or leave it, but with alcoholics the av kicks in and its hard to shake off?If thats the case then i'm an alcoholic for sure. I'm fine with that actually, now i'm starting to get my head around it.

Stay lucky everyone :-)

Huxley

Hey dude

I'd say sometimes it's your AV trying to trick you into drinking, but for me too it was a genuine question of whether I had just been making a bit of a fuss about everything. Like, it took fifteen years and a meltdown for me to quit drinking, but maybe I didn't have that big of a problem after all. Ha!

Yeah, after having a bit of a go at drinking again it turned out I do, I do have that big of a problem

Being a dry alcoholic's not too bad. Sometimes it sucks, but mostly it's okay. And way, way, waaaay better than being a wet one.

About meetings - I got clean using SR so don't think if you can't get into town you're buggered....

xxx

Django

I haven't heard the word buggered in a long time and wasn't expecting to here it on this forum!haha.

Its the same with me. Every time i think maybe i'm over reacting over this i end up on a binge, i do 4 on 4 off shifts and tell myself i'll just have a few on the first day and thats it. On my 4th day off and i've just managed to open my eyes at midday dead to the world and would be in bed all day.

I don't want to live that life anymore. I'm on my 5th day and i feel so much better, i'm exercising again, eating healthy and winding people up as normal!Get me in at work when i've been on a binge and i'm not talking to anyone, look and feel like ****!

I am reluctant to go if i'm honest and thought it might help. I think i'll see how i go and if i do slip up then thats when i make the commitment to go.

Thanks for that you've given me a few things to think about (in a good way)!

Huxley

Hahaha! I can't believe it made it through the filter! Me and a friend from the north giggled out heads off when we were talking about these




and it got filtered. It's true anything made from pig noses and rusk should be considered offensive, but for very different reasons

Work is crazy-better once you quit drinking. Everything is, especially if you like to work out. You wouldn't believe how much your performance is going to improve over the next few weeks. All of the energy that was going into repairing drink-damage every night goes to your muscles. It's brilliant. And addictive, of course, but probably good addictive not bad addictive

James18

Hi Django, I'm just learning about the AV and am realizing how sneaky it can be. The amount and variety of excuses it comes up with to drink is quite shocking! In the last 5 days it's convinced my I'm being selfish by not drinking, that if I don't drink at Xmas I'll ruin it for everyone, that if I don't drink I'll have no friends, that I'm insecure without alcohol (which probably used to be true but not now), that people don't like me sober...those and the usual HALT triggers (hungry angry lonely tired).

The AV uses you to get drunk/high and will do all kinds of crazy **** to get what it wants.

Huxley

Agghh, I totally get this! I'm coming up on 2 years, but with about 5 little relapses so this is going to be my first sober Christmas. But you know what, I've been looking at how often people don't drink because they have to drive. I mean, that's normal right? No one gets accused of ruining everyone's fun because they need to drive home after.

I've been sober at enough big functions now to know that by 6pm I'm going to feel amazing, want to go out for a walk and then polish off most of the leftovers, while everyone else is going to feel like ****. And no one's going to notice I'm sober.

Seriously, no one. No one cares that much

Django

Haha i can honestly say i've never tried a ******!

Actually i can't stand my job, but as you know there's not many opportunities at the moment so i'm getting on with it. But you are right its so much better when you are with it and not in a zombie state and you can actually hold a conversation and get on with things.

Tell me about it!There is no way i can exercise if i've been on the sauce the night before. And being an addict has it advantages as you say ;-)

Huxley

Rofl

Sorry about your job, that sucks. I quit mine about 2 months after I cleaned up. I think it was about that long. I've ended up somewhere much better but it did take a while to get there.

I go back and forward between hooked on exercise and hooked on work. It's not entirely healthy haha! Working too much gives me stomach problems and too much exercise canes my back. But I'm totally optimistic that I can do loads of both if I just figure the balance out.

Or I'll get sucked into a black hole of my own imploding energy. That's totally plausible.

Django

I'm just about to finish a 12 hour shift, and on a sunday i literally do sod all. Infact the only time i get up is if i need the toilet,its so boring its untrue. And weekdays are not any better but there you go. I hate the place i live as well but one step at a time is key i think otherwise i think it will be to much!

Have you tried yoga before?I was one of those people that thought yoga was just for women and i wouldnt be seen dead doing it. But i had so many injuries from a car crash i needed to try something that would help, found ddp yoga and its the best thing since sliced bread!

Balance is the key, but i'm already planning my days off doing yoga in the morning and insanity in the evening, madness!!

Huxley

Rofl! I AM a girl and tend to stay quiet about the Pilates. But I'll happily tell anyone I box

That injury thing's a bugger. I have an old back injury that gets worse the fitter I get. You're right about the balance - every time I take my fitness up a level I have to spend three months figuring out how to get the rest of me to stop hurting. Baby steps, right? But I want to jump right in...

Midton

I think I read that Pilates was designed for people who basically couldn't move due to injuries ie bed-ridden soldiers from the First World War.

I've had a bad injury for over a year and tried doctors, chiros, bone setters and even acupuncture. Eventually a really knowledgeable physical therapist helped me. He also had me doing some yoga stretches. I've always been interested in doing yoga even have an acquaintance who is a yogini. Maybe there's a Saturday night class now that my Saturdays are free.

Django

It doesn't bother me, soon i will be able to do a handstand, backflip, splits then jump up and round house kick them in the head for taking the **** out of me doing yoga ;-)

A girl that does boxing ay...I'm wary of you now :-).I used to do a bit of Brazilian Ju Jitsu, not so much now but did enjoy it.

I've started to realize its all part of being an addict!I was aching really bad Thursday, got a phone call saying do you want to play football and couldn't say no, even though i was limping bad from tendonitis in my knee, can hardly walk now!

How old are you if you don't mind me asking of course :-) Because if your still in your hey day years you can wollow in self pitty with me :-)

Huxley

Haha! What the hell are hey day years?? 38. And I'm not good at self pity but I'll happily hang out. You're up really early for a Sunday btw

I'm terrible at boxing. Like I said, every time I start to make progress my back screws me over. Plus the idea is to be quick and clever and I just want to punch things really hard.

I thought I had tendonitis until my massage-lady worked on the quads in my thighs - your muscles there pull on the tendon. Now when I get pain I punch the muscles (you may notice a recurring theme...) and no pain. Worth a try?

Midton, you're right - Pilates was a POW over here and started curing injuries with machinery made out of bandages and bedsprings. It's really clever.

Jesus the weather sucks down here today. The sky's brown, is it supposed to be brown??

hypochondriac

Hey Django Just because no one has mentioned it... Av actually comes from AVRT which stands for Addictive Voice Recognition technique. It is a method used by Rational Recovery. There is a lot of information online about this and in the secular connections forum here. The term addictive voice has become commonplace to refer to thoughts of wanting to drink, but in AVRT the idea is to learn to recognise those thoughts for what they are and ignore them. I know it sounds easier said than done but it is a really useful technique for people who find one day at a time doesn't work for them or are chronic relapsers. I know that I always thought that if I was allowed to drink tomorrow then I may as well get drunk today. RR is a non meeting based approach and well worth looking into if you think it would benefit you.

It also does a good job of explaining those crazy making thoughts we all seem to have. I always thought I was over reacting, despite massive evidence to the contrary. But with AVRT you don't have to make sense of those thoughts, just stick them in the AV pile and move on. Once you start recognising those thoughts for what they are and not mistaking them for something you should immediately act on you start seeing how nuts they sound. Takes practice but eventually it becomes second nature x