Obsessions coming back
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Originally Posted by alphaomega 
I can tell you from experience, going back out blows ( wink wink).
I do sincerely appreciate all the help and support - smiling right now.
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I posted about this in your other thread about getting a new sponsor, but I'll say it again.
You owe your current sponsor nothing but an acknowledgement of thanks. You do not have to worry about how he will deal with this. That is his issue. He can take it up with his sponsor.
So just go get yourself a new sponsor. Go to lots of different meetings. Really listen to what people are sharing. Go for someone who has a good amount of time.
You do not need to be a low bottom drunk to make it in AA. I actually get kind of jealous when I hear people share that they got off the bus early before the crap hit the fan. I wish I would have done that. You've done the right thing by identifying the problem before it explodes in your face. For every passage in the BB or the 12 & 12 about the horrors of hitting the bottom floor, there are also passages about newcomers to AA, especially more recently, who have found peace and happiness without losing everything near and dear.
This is from step one of the 12 & 12:
You owe your current sponsor nothing but an acknowledgement of thanks. You do not have to worry about how he will deal with this. That is his issue. He can take it up with his sponsor.
So just go get yourself a new sponsor. Go to lots of different meetings. Really listen to what people are sharing. Go for someone who has a good amount of time.
You do not need to be a low bottom drunk to make it in AA. I actually get kind of jealous when I hear people share that they got off the bus early before the crap hit the fan. I wish I would have done that. You've done the right thing by identifying the problem before it explodes in your face. For every passage in the BB or the 12 & 12 about the horrors of hitting the bottom floor, there are also passages about newcomers to AA, especially more recently, who have found peace and happiness without losing everything near and dear.
This is from step one of the 12 & 12:
Many less desperate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of hopelessness.
It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the following years this changed. Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step?
It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the following years this changed. Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step?
It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
I am not sure what you mean FG?
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66
I know. I mean that you can choose to take a simpler approach to abstinence from alcohol than the one you are taking. You don't have to build the worlds most advanced bridge to get across the creek. If you just throw a board across and walk over there will be no sophisticated components to manufacture and maintain.
I may post too often but this is to keep me from internalizing and coping through drinking.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
I get that I don't have to make it complicated but what do you mean? You mean talking about it? I mean I am in AA with a sponsor and perhaps posting a bit much about what I am thinking and feeling but this is cathartic and hopefully helps someone else. This bridge is not too complicated - its a common approach by many in AA. I may post too often but this is to keep me from internalizing and coping through drinking.
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66
I know. I mean that you can choose to take a simpler approach to abstinence from alcohol than the one you are taking. You don't have to build the worlds most advanced bridge to get across the creek. If you just throw a board across and walk over there will be no sophisticated components to manufacture and maintain.
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JD, glad you posted. As someone who drank "only" 30-60 drinks per month for the past few years (due to intense efforts to moderate), I hear the voice calling me regularly, telling me that I can handle it. But even that quantity (after years of heavier use) kept my obsessions alive and thriving, and meanwhile so much else has been lost. Just the fact that I have logged every drink for the past 10 years should be one clue. Some others are years of poor sleep, anxiety, lack of commitment in my relationships, and too many toys - all leading to intense dissatisfaction from my life. It's no way to live and I don't plan to return to it anytime soon.
Good luck finding your way and keep up the good work.
Good luck finding your way and keep up the good work.
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I'm not picking on your terminology FG
we really are all In This together. I know from my experience when i was at that point I was miserable because I was simply abstaining. I hadn't really begun to recovery. Sunday I will be 8 months at it, and I'm still learning something new everyday. So if I offended you apologizes it was not my intention!
we really are all In This together. I know from my experience when i was at that point I was miserable because I was simply abstaining. I hadn't really begun to recovery. Sunday I will be 8 months at it, and I'm still learning something new everyday. So if I offended you apologizes it was not my intention!
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Bottom line friend is that old habits die hard.
And as great as life might be for you right now in your sobriety, now that you have proven to yourself that you can, in fact, get sober, the AV is taunting you with "fond" memories of the past.
Just remember one thing, ALL the work you have done, with your marriage, with your health and most importantly with your soul, can and will be undone if you start to dance with the devil again.
Can you go back out and relive the days of wine and roses (or in your case, cola and whores) ? Sure you absolutely can. But you best make sure you are prepared for the reprocussions.
And since you don't seem to do ANYTHING half-@ssed, I might consider reformulating my desires.
XO AO
And as great as life might be for you right now in your sobriety, now that you have proven to yourself that you can, in fact, get sober, the AV is taunting you with "fond" memories of the past.
Just remember one thing, ALL the work you have done, with your marriage, with your health and most importantly with your soul, can and will be undone if you start to dance with the devil again.
Can you go back out and relive the days of wine and roses (or in your case, cola and whores)
? Sure you absolutely can. But you best make sure you are prepared for the reprocussions. And since you don't seem to do ANYTHING half-@ssed, I might consider reformulating my desires.
XO AO
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I was actually trying to play by the rules about not getting into an argument about the different programs, and make a suggestion at the same time. We are in Newcomers and there was a lot of AA content in the OP too.
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66
I was actually trying to play by the rules about not getting into an argument about the different programs, and make a suggestion at the same time. We are in Newcomers and there was a lot of AA content in the OP too.
You do realize that when I post I am not always looking for some miracle from one of you…right? I mean part of posting is to put things out there so others can see they are not alone. Or for someone who experienced a similar thing to relate - more power in many vs one type of thing. Its also like my diary. I post so I can catalog my journey and what I am doing at the time and go back and look. Finally, I post to call myself out. If I am truly getting closer to a drink, I want to acknowledge that in black and white vs internalize it, which often leads to bad coping mechanisms.
Oh, maybe I can grab the posts and make a best seller - this is because I am totally unique and special too - I realize nobody else here feels that way too, lol!
You felt the same way about my posts with my knee surgery and the struggle I had with the pain pills so it might just be between us. If I offend you in some way I am sorry.
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Originally Posted by alphaomega
Bottom line friend is that old habits die hard.
And as great as life might be for you right now in your sobriety, now that you have proven to yourself that you can, in fact, get sober, the AV is taunting you with "fond" memories of the past.
Just remember one thing, ALL the work you have done, with your marriage, with your health and most importantly with your soul, can and will be undone if you start to dance with the devil again.
Can you go back out and relive the days of wine and roses (or in your case, cola and whores) ? Sure you absolutely can. But you best make sure you are prepared for the reprocussions.
And since you don't seem to do ANYTHING half-@ssed, I might consider reformulating my desires.
XO AO
And as great as life might be for you right now in your sobriety, now that you have proven to yourself that you can, in fact, get sober, the AV is taunting you with "fond" memories of the past.
Just remember one thing, ALL the work you have done, with your marriage, with your health and most importantly with your soul, can and will be undone if you start to dance with the devil again.
Can you go back out and relive the days of wine and roses (or in your case, cola and whores)
? Sure you absolutely can. But you best make sure you are prepared for the reprocussions. And since you don't seem to do ANYTHING half-@ssed, I might consider reformulating my desires.
XO AO
I am just going through a tough time and the difficulty takes away any question as to whether I am an alcoholic. It is shockingly amazing that with just a crack of the idea it has blossomed into this full blown panic attack or obsession. I think someone said it well in another forum about his Big Plan and shutting the door on the old girlfriend that used to make a fool about him all over town. I like this thought bc the slightest notion that I can drink again has the potential to tear down the sobriety I have built.
I will get through this and come out stronger.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
I will get through this and come out stronger.
The first blind sided craving can hit you where it hurts. But this, while painful, will ultimately lead to some resolve. There is a grieving process that one must go through in order to turn the page. It's exactly like getting over a lost love. One that took a piece of you and treated you horribly, but you loved them anyway. You need to mourn the loss of drugs/alcohol/sex. For many of us those things were our closest friend. They were always there whether we were happy or sad, successful or defeated. Whether any of us admit it, we all were in an affair with our DOC. Allow your feelings to come and go. Distract yourself and please know: THIS WILL PASS!
Getting on here and posting this is helpful to all of us. It actually shows how healthy you are.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
I got it - so you think the issue I am having is with AA? You may be right…but I am fearful to abandon the program as it has been my support network and I am not convinced its the people in the program vs the program yet. I don't think I can do this with just SR. But I am not closing the door on that option. Plus my Therapist is a big proponent of AA and we both agree that the steps have such basic wisdom that go back centuries and are embedded in many religions. In other words, I am thinking its more the people than the program at this point, but I could be wrong.
You do realize that when I post I am not always looking for some miracle from one of you…right? I mean part of posting is to put things out there so others can see they are not alone. Or for someone who experienced a similar thing to relate - more power in many vs one type of thing. Its also like my diary. I post so I can catalog my journey and what I am doing at the time and go back and look. Finally, I post to call myself out. If I am truly getting closer to a drink, I want to acknowledge that in black and white vs internalize it, which often leads to bad coping mechanisms.
Oh, maybe I can grab the posts and make a best seller - this is because I am totally unique and special too - I realize nobody else here feels that way too, lol!
You felt the same way about my posts with my knee surgery and the struggle I had with the pain pills so it might just be between us. If I offend you in some way I am sorry.
You do realize that when I post I am not always looking for some miracle from one of you…right? I mean part of posting is to put things out there so others can see they are not alone. Or for someone who experienced a similar thing to relate - more power in many vs one type of thing. Its also like my diary. I post so I can catalog my journey and what I am doing at the time and go back and look. Finally, I post to call myself out. If I am truly getting closer to a drink, I want to acknowledge that in black and white vs internalize it, which often leads to bad coping mechanisms.
Oh, maybe I can grab the posts and make a best seller - this is because I am totally unique and special too - I realize nobody else here feels that way too, lol!
You felt the same way about my posts with my knee surgery and the struggle I had with the pain pills so it might just be between us. If I offend you in some way I am sorry.
My honest feeling is that you are trying to replace your obsession with alcohol\drugs\whatever with an obsession with your recovery program. Perhaps that is perfectly fine for some, and may be a healthier way to live, but I'm not sure that is going to work for you.
Didn't work for me. For me both ways sucked. I need to just be an ordinary good person with a problem that I tend to regularly, neither zealous nor complacent. I have to have the right balance. I had to learn that, because it doesn't come naturally.
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Jdooner, you have a big heart and your honesty has inspired me. Every time I have come to close to having a drink since I started my sobriety, (because you know I'm not as bad off as some people _ha!) I have told on myself here and in my October class thread, and so far, it has worked! Addiction is much stronger in "secrecy." So, I think you did the right thing by putting it all out here. Sober slumber tonight, my friend. This too shall pass, faster than you think.
Sober slumber tonight, my friend. This too shall pass, faster than you think.
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I can be prone to over analysis...not so much these days but my in drinking days and early recovery? hoo boy.
sometimes that analysis can lead to what someone here once called 'analysis paralysis', and it frequently did for me....I thought a lot, but never actually decided anything.
[I'm not suggesting you're not doing anything JD - just filling in my backstory]
I keep it simple these days.
I'm an alcoholic. Drinking makes me into someone I don't want to be - it will also kill me.
The fact that I have occasionally wondered if I am an alcoholic is actually proof that I am - cos I reckon no completely sane man could have lived what I did and still want to drink.
D
sometimes that analysis can lead to what someone here once called 'analysis paralysis', and it frequently did for me....I thought a lot, but never actually decided anything.
[I'm not suggesting you're not doing anything JD - just filling in my backstory
]I keep it simple these days.
I'm an alcoholic. Drinking makes me into someone I don't want to be - it will also kill me.
The fact that I have occasionally wondered if I am an alcoholic is actually proof that I am - cos I reckon no completely sane man could have lived what I did and still want to drink.
D
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66
Really has nothing to do with the fact that you post a lot JD. And its not a bias against AA. And I don't dislike you personally, you know that, I think? I am concerned for you.
My honest feeling is that you are trying to replace your obsession with alcohol\drugs\whatever with an obsession with your recovery program. Perhaps that is perfectly fine for some, and may be a healthier way to live, but I'm not sure that is going to work for you.
Didn't work for me. For me both ways sucked. I need to just be an ordinary good person with a problem that I tend to regularly, neither zealous nor complacent. I have to have the right balance. I had to learn that, because it doesn't come naturally.
My honest feeling is that you are trying to replace your obsession with alcohol\drugs\whatever with an obsession with your recovery program. Perhaps that is perfectly fine for some, and may be a healthier way to live, but I'm not sure that is going to work for you.
Didn't work for me. For me both ways sucked. I need to just be an ordinary good person with a problem that I tend to regularly, neither zealous nor complacent. I have to have the right balance. I had to learn that, because it doesn't come naturally.
I know if I went back to drinking it would suck too. It was so great last month, just want that back.
Well, I got some work to do - thanks for clarifying FG you had me baffled for a bit.
And yes, I do know you like me
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