jdooner

You know I have been comparing my drinking and lack of relapses to the stories in the BB for my relation to the term alcoholic. I know I am an addict and now tonight, I know I am truly an alcoholic. I may not share some of the relapses and hope I never do have that to compare. My bottom may be different than others but yes, I had enough this summer and know I never want that life back. It had some fun out of control times but a lot of pain and hurt too.

This experience has provided some resolve ImperfectlyME.

Renarde

I think it's odd to be pushing addicts into categories and labels. What good does that do? My opinion is that we are all addicts, just at different points in the process. I see over and over around here that addiction is progressive - some of us are able to recognize this and stop at earlier points than others. Just because you haven't held someone up at gunpoint or been homeless doesn't mean you're not an addict, or that you wouldn't do those things at a certain desperate point of a progressed addiction. Didn't you say you spent $17,000 in a day on partying at one point? That seems to me to be something an addict would do. Separating yourself from "hard core" people is just another way for your AV to isolate you and return you to your drinking. It must be hard if your group is actually facilitating this.

Dee74

I was addicted to my recovery too - it's that perfectionist high achiever thing in me...I think many of us here are that way.

I gradually learned tho- I got sober to live my life...recovery is important, vital even -but it's not my life.
Once you get that distinction it becomes a little easier I think.

I have no doubt you'll naturally find a polace of balance too JD

digdug

I'm definitely a perfectionist. I overanalyze things to the point of exhaustion. If things don't go well, I beat myself up over it mercilessly.

But at least with AA, I'm taking the opposite approach. This really is a simple program. Show up to meetings, share sometimes, find a home group with people that you relate to, do some step work and service. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I'm not a BB thumper. I couldn't quote a page if my life depended on it. I don't take anything as gospel. I just show up to my favorite meetings 4-5 times a week, hang out with my friends, listen to some good insights, share bit, do some service commitments (I've got two rehab commitments for this month), and do step work with my sponsor on the weekend. My life doesn't revolve around AA. Sure, it's a big part of my life and it saved me from imminent death, but it doesn't have to be so serious all the time. My sponsor told me when he first got sober, he used to get so pissed when people in meetings would laugh and joke around. He hated it. "It's a matter of life and death!" he exclaimed. But he learned over time that he couldn't take things so seriously all the time. Sometimes a meeting can just be a room full of sober drunks having a good time, maybe ribbing each other a bit, and also sharing about how good things are going.

The more you overthink things like whether you really belong (it's working, right? You're sober so just keep it up), finding the perfect sponsor (they don't exist), dealing with meetings you don't connect with (just find some another; keep branching out), the more you're going to spend wasted time up in your head parsing hypotheticals that will never actually apply to real life. We alcoholics and addicts make things so overly complicated.

I think that's what FG was getting at (and correct me FG if I'm off base).

Here's a question for you, JD. How much time do you spend connecting with people in the meetings you go to? I know you have a family and all. I know that's important. But do you ever pick up the phone and just call someone besides your sponsor to chat for a few minutes? Just to check in and see how their day is going. Do you hang around after meetings for an extra 15 minutes just to see what everyone else is up to this weekend? Do you bite the bullet and maybe grab a bite to eat with people every once in a while and just joke around over cheap diner burgers and omelets? To me, this aspect is just as important as diving head first into the step work. AA is a community. A fellowship. You might be able to get out of your head a little more and lose some of your doubts if you embrace this side of the program. I can tell you I would have stopped going to meetings a long time ago if it was all just militant BB thumping, step studies, and rules upon rules upon rules.

quitforme79

You sound extremely self aware, that is the good news. The even better news is that you are only responsible for YOUR recovery. 9 months in I changed sponsors. Then went back to my old one 2 weeks later LOL My point is this---and I speak as a sponsor myself- when I first start step work with a sponsee, I let them know that if at any time they wish to find a sponsor I will not be hurt, upset, bothered or mad. They have to do what's best for their recovery. If I was any of the above then I would just be sponsoring for ego and as we know, that never ends well. If I don't know what to do I pray on it. The answer always becomes clear somehow