SunriseSky

It's possible that she feels that the best thing she can do is to give you space to get sober, work out your issues, forgive yourself, find your strength and regain your confidence.

It's possible that pulling away is hard for her too, but she is doing it because she cares about you.

But in the end, what she thinks or feels doesn't matter in your journey to sobriety. That belongs to you because you can do it and you are worth it! Good luck!

NoJimmy

I appreciate the perspective shared. I'm sure you can understand how important she and her girls are to me, they mean everything to me. It's hard to let go, especially since up to that terrible night, we were very happy and on what we thought was a lifelong course together. I'm so angry I ruined that, and I'm angry I don't get to have that in my life. I'll pick myself up by my bootstraps and get going again. But there is no concern I will drink, I still have no desire, the day after that terrible night I decided alcohol would never cost me that much again, ever. It's like a f'ing nightmare I keep waking up to, every f'ing day.
I've been extremely optimistic and aggressive with my recovery, but I hit a wall dealing with the loss of her yesterday, never slept last night, kept feeling anxiety when I'd lay down to sleep, etc.
I'll go to the Friday meeting I've been attending, church on Sunday, and my base group meeting on Monday. I'm going to ask a guy Monday to be my sponsor, we already discussed working the steps. So I have every intention of aggressively getting after the step work. I don't want to just not drink, I want to deal with the irritability, restlessness, discontent and spiritual malady that makes me need to. I want to be happy and whole, and have the life and relationship I want.

Ash007

I'm going through the same thing as well. My BF of 12 years has left me with three kids and a mortgage to look after and it's hard going. He's the love of my life and I hate myself for the way things are.
At least for you she has said she still loves you, he has told me he doesn't love me anymore and he isn't coming back because he 'can't cope' with me.
I am also struggling to let go but I am trying hard and I'm concentrating on my sobriety, right now AA and the steps and the people I'm meeting are the only things that I can hold on to now. I wish you lots of luck in your journey

GracieLou

Take it easy and take it one day at a time. I felt broken too and in reality I was. I felt like so sad. I just wanted someone to fix me.

There was a special person in my life, not a BF, but a friend that I feared I would lose once I got sober. I wanted to take this person with me on my journey. I had a hard time dealing with it for a while. What I finally did was let this person go. Not physically, I still talk to them and saw them, but mentally I had to let them go so I could walk my path.

I had to stop worrying about how they felt or what they thought about my recovery. Are they happy for me, are they mad at me, do they now fear me, are they watching my every move? It was like I was on my path and gaining ground but I kept stopping to glance back to see if they were there. I stopping doing that. I had to stop looking in their direction and look at myself.

This person is still my friend. The may not understand me or be involved in my recovery but that does not matter. They are still there.

When I get worried about a situation or I get impatient I think "If it is meant to be, it will be". That is me letting go and letting my HP take it so I can continue to move forward.

SunriseSky

I know you are upset at yourself for your behavior, but please stop beating yourself up about it. You cannot change the past and you are doing such a good job setting yourself on the path to a healthy, happy, peaceful future.

Some of your anxiety/irritability is probably due to withdrawal and will get better every day that goes by.

You are already on your way to being happy and whole and having the life you want. Just take it step by step, day by day and be kind and patient with yourself. We are all rooting for you!

bazzza28

U just need keep the will power and stay mentaly stronghold all works out for U

Cynderino

I think if I were in your shoes my last text to her would be along the lines of something like you won't be checking in daily anymore because it counterproductive and takes away the focus from your sobriety. You are worth her attention and love, but more importantly, you are worth your own attention and love.

I have heard in meetings many people say something like "if I don't have my sobriety, I won't have anything else." It's so true for me. Maybe doing a daily gratitude list would be more helpful?

JaylaaKent

Fixing yourself take t.....i...........m...............e - how we alcoholics feel like we do SOOooOOO much work then we don't get the results we want right now? hrmph!! Most people who have done years of drinking need at least 6-12 month of recovery to gain some in-depth soul repair. You might need to resign yourself to the fact the relationship is no more. Besides you should never recover for someone else - because in the end it will fail. In doing that you are not doing it for the right reasons and it won't work that way. Seeking validation and a pat on the back for doing something that everyone else does - it's hard for people to see. It's like saying "Look I'm a good person!! I am not in jail." Most people are not in jail. Non-alcoholics have a hard time grasping why we behave how we behave and are not so easily convinced when we pound our chest and tout we are recovered.