wakko

Well Pooh I have all sorts of friends. It.was only last month that rabbit
Bumped into me and said bother.

I am a huge fan of Eyeore. I was born with a pinnable tail

jaynie04

What a great thread Nuu......thank you for the poignant thoughts.

jaynie04

"I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell..."

Would love to include the link but since I am hashtag challenged perhaps one of the younger peeps can assist. snl/will ferrell/cowbell

GroundhogDay

I am definitely moving in the direction of jumping off the merry-go-round. I turned 50 this year and I am just plain tired of all of it. I am thinking of Wyoming and Wrangler jeans.

Threshold

Something I've noticed lately in friends in middle 40's to middle 50's is, they are asking the same questions, expressing the same frustrations, experiencing the same health issues and relationship issues. So...not everything is related to boozing or sobriety.

This is important to me because...it's one more "freedom" from being hooked to alcoholism. I can stop looking at everything in my life through the lens of alcohol on one side or the other. I'm not some freak who is clueless about life. I'm another person at a point in life where some real changes are taking place and I'm learning to adjust, feeling my way, sometimes making a durn fool of myself, and sometimes doing things to be proud of.

Life is what it is, and I am relieved and surprised at how often it's not about the fact that I abused substances or that I've stopped. It's just life. I'm more like other people than I am different from other people.

I can offer solace and advice and perspective to my pals who never abused substances as often as they can do the same for me. I'm not deficient.

WE are not deficient.

Threshold

I live off the beaten path...and it is good.

How far off...well, best way to describe it to city folk is to tell them I'm 95 miles from the nearest Wal-Mart.

Had to keep my eye on a bull elk this morning while I was hanging out my laundry. I consider it a priveledge.

But to be honest, it doesn't mean there is less stress, life is life. But it's a mighty good life.

jaynie04

One way I find solace is to avoid technology.

I am enormously resistant to cell phones, my phone says "don't leave a message I don't know how to retrieve it". I have never done Facebook.

Obviously I love my computer, but my computer doesn't require anything of me. I am confused by seemingly well adjusted people who are at the mercy of their phones. Often I think something is wrong with me, but when I am with people I look them in the eye. It concerns me greatly to see the trend of being plugged in become so consuming, so fast. I often question my sanity at feeling so resistant to the expectation that anyone should be available 24/7.

A man named Marshall McCluhan predicted this 30 years ago, "the message is in the medium".

A lot of us seem to fantasize about being places where we can get away from the demands of being on tap. I love a windswept empty beach in the winter.

The rate at which things are moving also leads to a lot of wastefulness. I find that distressing also. Who knew I drank because landfills agitate me?

Ok, sorry to go off on a tangent, but I love threads like this.

Mizzuno

I was dreaming the other day about growing fresh medicinal herbs and trading them for food. I have this dream that I can harvest herbs, ride a tractor and weld together metal art. I have this dream of riding my bike to my job and I am content. Then I ride home on the dusty road to my metal art and herb garden......its a little jumbly my vision. It's simple though. I'm happy in my dream. I'm going to try to create my dream here.

bigsombrero

I empathize. It's very tough, being in the 35-45 range and learning to live for the first time as a sober adult. We were under the assumption that these were the years when we were going to make hay. This when we'd start stuffing away cash, building a nest egg and a family.

Alas, as we dust off the cobwebs, we awake find ourselves alone - often feeling aimlessly adrift. Frankly, it can be quite scary. And I think it's very difficult to find others who can relate. Not many people know what it's like to awake from a 20 year-long nap. Most people I know in my age have already placed their bets. They've made their decisions, chosen their mates, and put their stake in some land. They've studied the map, lined up their routes, and are heading West towards the sunset.

I take solace in remembering that not all those who wander are lost. And, that there is a place for us in this world. At some point, we made a conscious decision to NOT FOLLOW THE RULES. Does that mean we have to pay a heavy price for our past behavior? No. We are stronger and healthier than we give ourselves credit for. Recovering from such a serious illness has given us the power of reflection and insight that most humans don't possess. Let's not sell ourselves short. Remember - we can be happy. And, more importantly, we deserve to be.

So you wanna sell jam? Sell it. You wanna travel the world on a catamaran? Do it. You want to rebuild car engines? Go nuts. Heck, why not try all three? Embrace "the now", live for the present, and enjoy this life one day at a time. Remember - we don't owe the piper one damn cent.

EndGameNYC

The "world at large" is an easy and reliable target.

You're on the verge of breaking through to another level of self discovery. Actually, you're probably already there, though you may not know it.

It's the world you knew and are in the process of leaving behind versus the new world, one of discovery, that gets your attention. There's safety and comfort in that old pair of shoes, but not much else. It's probably more accurate to say that you're moving on from the old you who you knew so well, and the new you trying to find your way in the same world that's always been there.

While drinking, we're all part of the day-to-day, normal-by-consensus (though not by choice), capitalistic juggernaut that lulls us into conformity, mesmerized as we learn to be (and then become) by expressing individuality in doing the same stupid and harmful things that others do when living as slaves to alcohol, ultimately leveling the playing field so that the best we can hope for in life is to not get too much negative attention, and that we don't go through this life with too much pain.

Now's the time to become who we are.

DoubleDragons

Again, you can never have enough cowbell.

kadidee

I love this, EndGame.

wakko

I find that when I shut out the noise, concentrate on making me a better person, and practice random acts of kind, my head seems to be in a much better place

Eddiebuckle

This. I was embarrassed to discover how much of my life was spent striving for something - anything - that would make me... different. How insanely uncomfortable I was with myself, and yet not even aware of it because it was all I knew.

That pull still exerts itself when I forget that there is no "there" there. When I react to what I think other people think, though I never actually ask what that is. And the urge to hurry, damnitall we need to get there quickly, before someone takes the last seat, the doors close, and the ship - MY ship - sails to paradise.

I'm still not entirely sure I believe it, but a while ago I was told "so choose differently." If your life isn't serving you, choose another way. Choose to be happy with whatever you do, or do something different if you prefer. There is no finish line, there is no race, and there are no trophies or scoreboards in this event.

Can it possibly be that simple?

GroundhogDay

Removing the financial and crowd stress of living in a major city would lower my overall stress I think. I have already made great strides in that area, but my poor husband still has to work as long as we continue to live here. He's not ready to leave yet.

I like your elk story. Even though I live near the city, I get a surprising amount of wildlife in my yard, but no elk or moose or grizzlies! It's probably only a matter of time on the cougars, however. Those cats are turning up everywhere.

foolsgold66

Maybe I'm weird, or lucky, but I think sober me is just a shyer and less cranky version of drunk me that doesn't get myself into trouble all the time. Certainly I'm more optimistic, but that seems natural as alcohol is a depressant. I still like my work, just as before, I still like the same jokes, the same books, the same movies, still love the same woman. I was no saint drunk, I won't be one sober. I'm still a night person, the same things still irritate me and make me happy.

I agree with an earlier poster that many get these thoughts around mid-life, drunk or sober. I recall having my 50-year old boss (I was 30 at the time) saying 'Where the hell did my life go?' I think I recall saying something witty like, get off that barstool and go home and see your family, dumbass. That's where it went.

I carry little baggage. I dunno how exactly, it just kinda happened one day. Sober, though. I'm carrying some relapse baggage now but am trying to put it away by living right again and making amends.

Tonight I communicated with someone who got sober the first try and has remained such for many years. Initially I felt jealous, but then I thought, had I been smart enough to get a clue way back when, would I have these special people in my life? Did I live my life on an optimal path? No. Hell no. Would I take a chance on starting it over as a 'normie' if offered? I'm not sure I can answer that yes. That's part of who I am, and I like a lot of the things about me. Not all, but enough not to wish I was someone else.

As I said, maybe I'm weird, or lucky, or both.

And I think maybe I just said I am glad I was a drunk, in a roundabout way.

I'm not sure I'm anywhere near the topic anymore. I wish you all the best life has to offer.

FG

Nuudawn

What amazing responses in this thread.....really, really amazing. Loved each and every one. There must be somewhere to keep this somewhere in my SR stuff. Alas that is as confounding as hashtags.

FourSeasons

LOL!! I too have no idea what a hashtag is! I remember hearing on a morning talk show someone named there first child, "Hashtag". Poor thing...

To The Mom Who Named Her Baby Hashtag [PHOTO]

The things that make you go Hmmm...

Threshold

So, yesterday, late afternoon I go outside to bring IN my laundry, and smell cat. There are no house cats out here, because if anyone lets their cat out, the coyotes get it. So "cat" means either bobcat or cougar...I looked around, didn't see it...but admit I sort of hastened into the house as it was starting to get dark.

About stress...your post got me thinking. Does stress mostly come from the inside or the outside? Is it a matter of what is going on around us or what is going on inside of us?

Living here certainly reduced a lot of external stress...so the stress i feel, is it the result of my same old fears of security or lack there of?

We still need money to live. My BF has had some job issues. I've moved four times last year, twice cross country. Was homeless for awhile. In all that, my stress was caused by the same thing...worrying over security.

That is my continuing issue. But I do treasure this opportunity to live in this amazing place, with relatively quiet neighbors. lol.

DoubleDragons

You know, I was thinking about this thread before I went to bed last night and I got kind of excited. It is fun to think I get to live the second half of my life, as a kind of brand new, improved version of the old me. I can't wait to see what is in store for Sober Me. I am one who gets bored easily. I am always amazed to meet people who have lived in the same town (sometimes in the same houses) their whole entire lives. While I admire people with that kind of serenity to be perfectly happy right where they are, that is not my nature. I am very curious, so getting to start a new chapter in my life as a "new, healthier me" is actually nothing to be mourned. The pleaser, insecure, crazy drinker me did okay for herself. She definitely dodged some bullets and I am grateful for the lessons from her experiences, but I am ready to shed her skin. I always truly believe the best is yet to come . . . . .