please understand, Ive been drinking again, and all I do is hope.... please
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
SR has been just part of my support network.
When i accepted that i just couldn't do this alone i felt that i was on my way.
I needed to step out of my comfort zone and do things differently in order to save my life.
It was explained to me that single handed combat had failed me.
So be it.
It is that serious.
Gx
When i accepted that i just couldn't do this alone i felt that i was on my way.
I needed to step out of my comfort zone and do things differently in order to save my life.
It was explained to me that single handed combat had failed me.
So be it.
It is that serious.
Gx
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy 
Show of hands who has stayed sober on SR alone? As the title suggests, i failed again. I want to know if I can really do it on my own (as I'd hoped) or if i need face to face support. or what? I'm so effing lonely. But talking to anyone about anything is so hard. I've struggled with social anxiety since the 5th grade, I'm 30 now, should be over it by now, right? I'm just lost.
And though I'd recommend going to meetings I'll tell you this: I know a TON of people who simply go to meetings (some go to a LOT of meetings) but don't work any of the steps/principles. They just don't drink and go to meetings. I've yet to meet one of those folks who has a lifestyle I'd want any part of. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who practice the steps and principles a lot but don't go to a lot of meetings. Most of those folks life pretty darn cool lives. So.......the payoff is in the living and practicing of the program.....not in going to meetings.
I'd highly recommend getting someone who can help you understand the steps/program and assist you in applying them to your life and your reality - often it doesn't seem like the steps apply to everything......but I've yet to find an area where they don't. Early on though, I didn't think they applied to MY reality at all. Interesting what you learn over the years....
All that said.......I'd wager the vast majority of ppl IN those darn meetings have experienced the same sort of anxiety you described and most of them will be VERY sensitive to it. We pick up on it in seconds and leave space for that person to feel comfortable.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by DayTrader
Lemme help you with something.... If AA based recovery were a football game, meetings are just a pep rally........or maybe the "post game meeting with the coach." They're NOT the game. I had it twisted when I was new to the process and thought AA WAS the meetings. The meetings are where ppl go to talk about how they're LIVING or WORKING AA.....that's it. And though I'd recommend going to meetings I'll tell you this: I know a TON of people who simply go to meetings (some go to a LOT of meetings) but don't work any of the steps/principles. They just don't drink and go to meetings. I've yet to meet one of those folks who has a lifestyle I'd want any part of. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who practice the steps and principles a lot but don't go to a lot of meetings. Most of those folks life pretty darn cool lives. So.......the payoff is in the living and practicing of the program.....not in going to meetings. I'd highly recommend getting someone who can help you understand the steps/program and assist you in applying them to your life and your reality - often it doesn't seem like the steps apply to everything......but I've yet to find an area where they don't. Early on though, I didn't think they applied to MY reality at all. Interesting what you learn over the years.... All that said.......I'd wager the vast majority of ppl IN those darn meetings have experienced the same sort of anxiety you described and most of them will be VERY sensitive to it. We pick up on it in seconds and leave space for that person to feel comfortable.
All that said.......I'd wager the vast majority of ppl IN those darn meetings have experienced the same sort of anxiety you described and most of them will be VERY sensitive to it. We pick up on it in seconds and leave space for that person to feel comfortable.THAT BEING SAID, Prior to joining AA I tried EVERYTHING I could to stay out of AA meetings. (I did not discover SR until after AA but I'm sure I would have tried that alone also). I am hard-headed and stubborn and it took complete and utter desperation on my part before I asked a friend who was open about his recovery to take me to a meeting.
I was desperate for a change and at a point where my choices were either to do the work required in AA so that I could improve my life or continue to be an insecure and miserable drunk loser burnout (which I had become). At that point, I was READY, WILLING, AND OPEN to hear anything and everything people said in meetings if it could help me, and pretty much all of it has!
So my point is, that you have to be open and ready for AA (which I think you are).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 145
Going on something like four months now. I don't think anyone can quit until they are actually ready to give it up. I signed up here almost 6 years ago now because I knew I had a problem. Knowing something and ready to act on something are totally different. I knew I wasn't ready so I just kept living my life miserable and all knowing that one day I would be ready. Nobody, and nothing is going to make you quit but you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by stark6935
Going on something like four months now. I don't think anyone can quit until they are actually ready to give it up. I signed up here almost 6 years ago now because I knew I had a problem. Knowing something and ready to act on something are totally different. I knew I wasn't ready so I just kept living my life miserable and all knowing that one day I would be ready. Nobody, and nothing is going to make you quit but you.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
BBF
I am glad you are back. I know you have been through a lot. I am still sober from our group in 2011. Eveyones situation is different. I was ready to change, I am older, have the support of my wife and have worked at it but not through AA. SR keeps me connected to a sober community, and has been enough to keep it real for me.
If what you are doing is not working try something different - and if it works keep developing it, dont drop it.
I am glad you are back. I know you have been through a lot. I am still sober from our group in 2011. Eveyones situation is different. I was ready to change, I am older, have the support of my wife and have worked at it but not through AA. SR keeps me connected to a sober community, and has been enough to keep it real for me.
If what you are doing is not working try something different - and if it works keep developing it, dont drop it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
I'm not a proponent of tough love, but have to admit that what was key for me was telling myself I was DONE drinking and would do whatever it took to stay stopped.....SR, AA.....whatever it took!!!! If what you're doing isn't working, you've got to add something else.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by desertsong
Some can do it with little to no support from others, but we're not talking about them ... we're talking about you. What you're doing apparently isn't working, so something, somewhere needs to change. SR has definitely helped me but face to face support has meant a lot to me. I do an outpatient rehab program, AA, and go to counseling once a week. I also have a network of supportive sober friends and a wonderful AA sponsor. Being in real relationships with others helps to foster a sense of accountability, which was something I desperately needed. I have so many good, sober people in my life now that if I were to start drinking again, there is no way I could possibly hide it. That has made all the difference.
Loneliness is so hard, I understand. Baby steps, my friend. Reach out, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. You just may find that more than one person is willing to reach back.
Loneliness is so hard, I understand. Baby steps, my friend. Reach out, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. You just may find that more than one person is willing to reach back.
The reality of AA is far less scary than what your your mind has invented. You do not have to say a word.
I tried more times than I can count to do it on my own and it never worked. the hands of a AA are always there. All you have to do is reach out and grab them. A huge part of AA is one alcoholic helping another bythem helping you you are helping them
People in AA are the nicest kindest most understanding and non judgemental people you'll ever meet
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
SR is great but I am not sure if it qualifies for a structured program.
Just to put some stats behind your question - recovery rate without a structured program over a 5 yr timeframe is less than 1% success.
AA at one point was as high as 50% but as the base has grown the success rate has come down to 25%.
I am not sure of the other programs but I imagine somewhere in between. SO as you can see the odds are stacked against us.
I am by no means an expert but sober a month and a half and have been through a lot. I could not have remained sober without my sponsors, whom I call whenever I am having a tough time and by having that accountability. So for me the face to face has been a tremendous help to get me through the tougher times.
I did find SR was a big help during the first month though and made some friends online here. I now find AA and going through my steps to be a much greater tool for my continued sobriety.
Just my experience - good luck.
Just to put some stats behind your question - recovery rate without a structured program over a 5 yr timeframe is less than 1% success.
AA at one point was as high as 50% but as the base has grown the success rate has come down to 25%.
I am not sure of the other programs but I imagine somewhere in between. SO as you can see the odds are stacked against us.
I am by no means an expert but sober a month and a half and have been through a lot. I could not have remained sober without my sponsors, whom I call whenever I am having a tough time and by having that accountability. So for me the face to face has been a tremendous help to get me through the tougher times.
I did find SR was a big help during the first month though and made some friends online here. I now find AA and going through my steps to be a much greater tool for my continued sobriety.
Just my experience - good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
SR is awesome support but I found the tools to stay sober in AA/NA. Drinking and drugging were just a symptom of my illness. I had to do an inside job. On me. And that was through the steps. I do 2 meetings a week down from about 14 a week at one time. Service work is key.
24 Hour Club keeps me accountable. God keeps me sober!
What Vanderamast said.
24 Hour Club keeps me accountable. God keeps me sober!
What Vanderamast said.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by deeker
SR is awesome support but I found the tools to stay sober in AA/NA. Drinking and drugging were just a symptom of my illness. I had to do an inside job. On me. And that was through the steps. I do 2 meetings a week down from about 14 a week at one time. Service work is key.
24 Hour Club keeps me accountable. God keeps me sober!
What Vanderamast said.
24 Hour Club keeps me accountable. God keeps me sober!
What Vanderamast said.
PS I can hope to be a bird all day long but unless I get some wings I will never fly.
AA is where I found those wings.
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