bblackbirdflyy

Show of hands who has stayed sober on SR alone? As the title suggests, i failed again. I want to know if I can really do it on my own (as I'd hoped) or if i need face to face support. or what? I'm so effing lonely. But talking to anyone about anything is so hard. I've struggled with social anxiety since the 5th grade, I'm 30 now, should be over it by now, right? I'm just lost.

FeenixxRising

Tomorrow will be 70 days for me. Many people here have stopped. Have you considered AA? I'm not currently attending meetings, but I had been going a few times each week. It did help during my first few weeks of sobriety.

You can stop, just keep trying.

advbike

hi bblackbirdflyy, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. It's not easy quitting alcohol - I tried for years and had some periods of success and other times when stressful events made it worse. Some folks can do it on their own, some can't. Others can if conditions are just right, but then life gets in the way, which happened to me in the past.

I am currently using SR only, and the services of a therapist a couple times a month which has been very helpful. But if you need more, I would certainly try a few AA meetings if you can - you might be amazed at the friendliness and support you find there. I understand the social anxiety component and have it myself which is why I started drinking to begin with many years ago. That said, I have found that people in AA are generally very accepting and welcome new folks. I have attended meetings during times when I felt I needed more support.

ScottFromWI

Whatever you use, it required dedication BB. Some need more help face to face to get over the hump, some even need inpatient or outpatient rehab.

I'd say ask yourself....are you using SR and dedicating yourself to it as much as you could? If so and you are still drinking, then you might need more.

desertsong

Some can do it with little to no support from others, but we're not talking about them ... we're talking about you. What you're doing apparently isn't working, so something, somewhere needs to change. SR has definitely helped me but face to face support has meant a lot to me. I do an outpatient rehab program, AA, and go to counseling once a week. I also have a network of supportive sober friends and a wonderful AA sponsor. Being in real relationships with others helps to foster a sense of accountability, which was something I desperately needed. I have so many good, sober people in my life now that if I were to start drinking again, there is no way I could possibly hide it. That has made all the difference.

Loneliness is so hard, I understand. Baby steps, my friend. Reach out, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. You just may find that more than one person is willing to reach back.

BarbieKen

Hi,
After over 25 years of progressively becoming more addicted to alcohol. Last November, in a Trader Joe's parking lot (there to buy my case of wine for the week). Out of nowhere , I had a minute of clarity come over me, I CRIED to my husband that I needed help. Next thing I realise I've asked to go into De-Tox ( I thought I could die, if I did it on my own), then I went straight over to a 30 day Women's Rehab. Part of the month's program was weekly attendance at different 12 Step Meeings. After I got out, I continued to attend AA Meetings. I'm 11 months sober on Saturday. AA is my #1 Support, SR is like a nighttime meeting before going to bed. Keep us posted, and all the best. Bobbi

Freebird13

SR alone doesn't work for me. I have to have that once a week AA meeting as well as talking on the phone with my sponsor and members of my family. I also am on other forums on the internet besides SR.

The nice thing about AA is you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. You can just sit there and listen. Eventually, you may find yourself opening up to AA members as you will learn you can totally relate to them and them to you.

bblackbirdflyy

I know, ultimately, it is up to me. face to face or not. That's my av saying Sr won't work. I guess I just want to hear a success story... I joined Sr in 2011 and have had successes and failures. It's not fair for me to ask for someone to come forward and say Sr's been my savior, but yep, that's my hope.

longbeachone

The proof, as they, is in the pudding. If SR alone is not helping you stay sober, perhaps attending a meeting will help. I understand that you are dealing with social anxiety, but you will find that AA meetings are filled with very kind people, with many of the same problems that you are having now. I think that you should try it, especially since you're feeling so lonely. You will not have to say a word if you don't want to. A Google search should help you find a meeting nearby. I think you will find it a wonderful help.

SkyeSea

SR is very definitely working for me, even though it's early days yet. Some of the horror stories I've read (and saved for if I ever get tempted), I wouldn't have known about off-line.
Give it a good chance - you can do this x

575

Welcome and good luck. I don't know if SR alone is enough. I guess if I'm determined to not drink and refuse to do so, SR will be a bonus..... wishing you the greatest strength.

Br00ksie

I joined SR after first going to AA meetings. If I had to rate the support that I have received since my sobriety on a scale of effectiveness starting with the MOST effective, I'd say daily AA meetings, my sober network, my sponsor, then SR.

My sober network is the people I have met in AA who reached out to me. There are a few people who I have had dinner with, and have introduced me to others with similar interests to mine. A couple are quickly becoming friends, and I am going to a sober party with one of them this weekend! They have helped me change my LIFESTYLE into one that is more accommodating to my sobriety.

I haven't completely ditched my friends who drink and party, but I find that I am much less interested in participating in their non-sober activities, especially with alternatives offered by equally cool, sober people.

SR has been a great SUPPLEMENT to the other things I mentioned. It has been incredibly helpful to read and post on here during times when I am not able to make it to a meeting or talk to my sponsor. It has been particularly helpful at night, when I am most prone to pick up.

It took me years of GRADUALLY coming to a sober lifestyle. I first went to an AA meeting two years ago and wasn't ready for the program. Ultimately though, I am a social person, so face-to-face contact is the most effective method for helping me stay sober. To each her own.

I hope this post was helpful, I'm rooting for you, blackbird! xo

MythOfSisyphus

I can't say I've done it "alone" but a combination of AVRT and posting here has worked for me. I just passed the One Year Sober mark about a week ago, no slips, no relapses and not a lot of cravings. Google AVRT (I can't link it here), it worked very well for me.

ChloeB

I use SR daily and attend at least 2 AA meetings a week.. Also I do a lot of reading...The Big Book is where I started ...Good luck..if this Gma can do it so can anyone

james872

Haven't stayed sober on SR alone, but it has been an incredible help. My previous 50 days sober would not have been possible without SR.

I personally need more help and am looking into it. But a lot of people just needed SR for support and the occasional kick in the rear-end. Maybe this will work for you. SR at least greatly increases your chance of staying sober.

Come to think about it, there really isn't a link between clinics and online support groups. Which is a shame, because SR could aid in anyone's recovery. Someone needs to bridge that gap.

foolsgold66

SR alone? Well kinda. I haven't been to a meeting in years, and I had 8 years sober after rehab. I also had the inspiration of a wife that was going to leave. So, I'm kinda experienced at this game.

Have you ever been to a meeting? Read the Big Book? What have you been doing to help yourself?

YoungAndClean

I feel that trying to stay sober with SR alone is like trying to find an easier, softer way to quit drinking. Nothing wrong with that if it works, but it didn't for me. AA is really helping me (working the steps, going to a meeting everyday, having a sponsor and a fellowship keeping me accountable, the sober friends I've made, the volunteering opportunities, golf, amusement parks, dances, all with other people in AA). I hope you find whatever you need to get sober!

TomSawyer

I tried for a while to do it on my own. But relying on my own thinking is really my problem in the first place. Most of my success came from intensive outpatient therapy and AA meetings. I found that I really do need other people to help keep my own thinking in check. Just my own experience... and really what would it hurt to reach out for further support?

Itchy

Blackbirdfly,
Let me add this up. You have been on SR since 2011, have not had success with it alone already. Now you really hope someone can tell you SR has been all they needed. If I told you that I overhauled a car engine with only one tool, a screwdriver, and it won't run, and you told me that doing it again with one tool won't work for another day, let alone another two years without some more tools, and I insisted that I was unfamiliar with other tools so can't try them, well what would you tell me? And you have not even tried local counseling or AA?

It sounds to me like you have carefully painted yourself in a corner so you can continue to not change. Not change drinking for real sobriety, and not change your fear of being judged by others.

I'm not trying to tough love you. Nor talk down to you. But regardless this applies:

If you always do things,
The way you always did things,
Won't you always get the same results?

Get off yer duff and go to several AA meetings, local counseling, talking to your doc, then come back and tell us you loved/hated or are neutral about AA.

I used AA for my first three months along with a 7 day in hospital detox, counseling, my docs, family, friends support, SR, reading SMART online, and anything book or video recommended. Some did nothing for me, some were partly useful to me and others fit me to a T!

Notice I had no conditions about fear of talking, meeting, doing, disclosing? I was where you are three years ago except I was willing to do whatever it took to quit for good. Quitting was uncomfortable as even a concept for me, much more so than facing people. But not doing anything new and getting the same lack of success as before was comforting. Until it became life threatening.

This is a repeated theme. Can't quit or won't? Can't go try several AA meetings to see, or won't? Can't tell their Doc or won't?

Quitting involves change. Won't change, won't quit. Please stop telling us you can't change. We've been there. Non-alcoholics, those in denial may buy those "can'ts," those of us who have been there see they are clearly "won'ts."

I hope you will do, so you can do. Until you do, you don't.

tgirl

I'm on day 116, all by myself, just SR to keep me company. I have told no one that I'm doing this. Maybe my own stubbornness helps....