July2413

So... it's been 78 days and my life is completely different both because I'm not drinking and because of a bunch of other stuff.

I have a new house I share with new people, a new job, and I'm just getting settled into a new routine and a new way of being. It really sucks. Transitions suck. I hate them. I wish it could be a year later and I could just have all of this be a memory.

I had a bad day at work today. It's stressful and I can't seem to shake it even now. It makes a home in me and I can't get away from it. This is why I would drink before. I don't want to drink but alcohol has been in the back of my mind floating around - not drinking but alcohol. Today someone asked me a question about something that involved drinking and the physical desire just woke up in me.

I don't want to drink. I do want to feel better. The only way I know how to feel better is to drink. I have to learn how to feel better without drinking.

Anyway, that is where I am right now. Confused and a little lost as well as still committed even though basically it all sucks right now. It does feel good to say that it all sucks. It's honest and I'm not usually good at that either.

So, I'm just going to end with that - it sucks.

Melbell

I'm sorry your stuggling. Hold onto your 78 days though. 1 day sucks way worse!!

Congrats and just keep keeping on!

Peace
Melbell

advbike

Glad you're able to look at it objectively. Sometimes we do have bad days but things will be better in the morning. Sometimes if it's bad enough I just call it a day and hit the sack. Pickup a book and read for awhile. Lately I just don't give those drinking thoughts a chance. I zap them immediately and find something else to do. Keep posting, it also helps one feel better.

FeenixxRising

Bad days happen, drinking may give you some short term relieve, but overall it will just make things worse. Tomorrow is a new day. The transition will come, but the catch is you have to give it time. You're at 78 days, so you're strong enough to say no to yourself. And as Melbell pointed out, being back at Day 1 would really suck. Personally, I just tell myself that drinking isn't an option--it's completely off the table.

Toffee1

Everybody has bad days and we think alcohol will make it all better and will just take the edge off. But you prob know where that leads. Think it through to next day . How would you feel back at day one. All the hard work thrown away . Your AV is trying to play you. Your AV is beginning to get weak and is getting desperate. Your sobriety is beginning to win the war. Don't let your AV beat you. A drink is NOT an option.

13unluckyforsom

Hi sorry your having a hard time - on the one hand it all sounds so positive - everything's new - so much potential I'm going to post you a link that a friend sent me - I too have trouble letting things go and just being present in the now. I found this video really inspiring and it opened my eyes an awful lot. This man speaks really slowly and I wasn't sure at first but I kept watching and I found bits of it very funny to the point I was laughing aloud - it's about mindfulness - hopefully it will help you.

https://vimeo.com/13056150

firstymer

I know exactly how you are feeling, July. I have had several days since becoming sober when I have thought how unfair it is that, after working so hard to stay sober, I still have to deal with so much other really, really hard and unpleasant stuff. I feel like yelling, like a 7 year-old does, NOT FAIR! Because it isn't fair.

So, you are right. It isn't fair. And it DOES suck sometimes. But it sucks a lot less than when we were drinking. And, unlike our days of drunkenness, our bad days WILL pass. And our future as sober people is much brighter than it was when we were drunk.

Stay strong. Good luck.

least

Congrats on 78 days sober! That's quite an accomplishment.

ExWinoMom

You're doing so bloody well. This too shall pass.
Hi five yourself eh

July2413

Thanks everyone!

I'm still feeling like things suck but I'm just so grateful I could say it here instead of drink it down here. Still sober but things still suck.

I laughed out loud firstymer because I feel like a 7 year old right now... I just want to stomp my feet, go to my room, and come out when I feel better, haha! I know I'm an adult though and I can't quite do that.

It really helped me to be able to come on here and just say that things suck. I always feel pressured to act like everything is perfect and wonderful and I think sometimes that pressure is what adds to my alcoholism. Alcohol is a great way to both continue to pretend and to let loose when you want to escape. I'm not really doing either of those things now but it helps to be able to just say "this sucks" without it being analyzed or judged.

Because my week at work was really bad, I planned this weekend not to do any work. Tonight I went out for Mexican with a friend and then to see Gravity (which whoa... I think I had a bad week... please!). I'm going to see another friend on Sunday. Tomorrow I'm going to relax. I know I need time during all these transitions and I want to give it to myself so that I don't try to steal it with alcohol.

Thank you for your encouragement! Day 80 tomorrow!!!

grocerease

Go for a walk or take a bath. You will feel better.

July2413

Grocerease, you give great advice... I am not one of those people online who shoots down all ideas but I think this is funny...one, its been raining now for three days here and two, I only have a shower, no tub! haha

Hopefully tomorrow some of this rain will clear up and I'll go for a run... that really saves me but I haven't been able to get out this week because of my work schedule and the weather. Thanks for reminding me of another thing I have to fall back on. I always feel better after a run!