Is this childish?
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Is this childish?
I need advice. I have been seeing a new psychiatrist since right before i went to rehab in June. She is excellent except for one issue....scheduling. I have shown up for numerous appointments and called her only to have her say it is tomorrow, etc. I write appts down on paper in the calendar I keep with me, and have repeated them back to her. My life is not busy right now, so it is not like I have a lot of scheduling going on.
I showed up one day and another patient was there at the same time, she asked the other patient if she could come back later. I saw the other patient was annoyed so i realized it isn't just me. Two weeks ago she sent me an email at 1:30 confirming our 2:30, I emailed right back and confirmed. When I showed up at appt one hour later she wasn't there. When I called she said she didn't get my email (??) but that she was around the corner and would be right there. She is a really good attentive doctor, this really is the only issue. However, I am starting to feel like I am constantly on the defensive, when in fact I know absolutely wrote an appt down and repeated it back to her. It's starting to feel a little ridiculous, I would be questioning my own sanity if it wasn't for the fact that this is the only person I am having this issue with. When we discuss incidents in which I show up a particular day or time, she seems adamant about the fact that there is no way she would have made the appt on this day or this time. She uses her phone to put in appts, and I have a feeling she gets the wrong day.
It keeps happening and it really bothers me because I am always on time for appointments, scheduling has never been a problem area in my life. If it was happening in other areas of my life I would assume I was having problems with organization or scheduling but it just keeps happening with this one doctor. I am not lying, I have nothing to gain by lying! If this was a problem area I would be comfortable taking ownership.
Last week I had a Wed appt, but my daughter was sick and stayed home so I emailed that morning to cancel a 1pm appt. We rescheduled for Friday afternoon at 3. Last Friday the school nurse called at 2pm that my daughter was coughing so I had to go get my daughter early, and had to cancel again.
I finally saw her yesterday and she questioned why I cancelled two appts.
It was compounded by the fact that she has referred me to a friend of hers who is a internist. I have fibromyalgia and lupus and possibly chronic Lyme disease. tThis internist has a 20 page intensive application that had to be filled out and mailed in with a check before I could even schedule first appointment. I blew it off for a month, but I was honest with my psychiatrist about the fact that i had not mailed it. Finally I sent it two weeks ago, it was a fairly large package so I took it straight to the po and my daughter jumped out and mailed it.
When I saw my psychiatrist yesterday I mentioned that I still had not heard from the new doctor. I am in a lot of pain and am having a tough time so she offered to call new doc together to book. When we called, the package has not arrived.
So this makes me look like more of a flake.I am starting to feel like the "dog ate my homework". On top of that she goes to drug test me,cotton swab in mouth, I sit in front of her and for some reason it doesn't work! This is completely voluntary, I hired her, wanted to go to rehab,etc. I guess it is weird to be drug tested when there is no one to tell but me....but the fact that it didn't work and we were out of time was just more mortifying. Normally a line shows up (this is all new to me),but nothing showed up at all yesterday. Zero results?
I hate being defensive, and I really like her. If I was in her shoes..client cancels, package goes missing, drug test just doesn't work (should we be checking to see if I even have a pulse?). When I screw up I own it, but I feel like I can't win for losing. If I had slipped I would tell her, otherwise I am wasting my money and time. I am sure working with alkies and addicts she hears a lot of BS.
I don't want to play the victim and I don't want to be defensive. I have emails to school from last Wed and to another classmate's mom last Saturday that represent the fact that I am telling the truth. Do I just let it all drop or do I send the emails? If this was the first or second incident I would let it go, but I am concerned that her perception of me may affect my treatment. It's not like she is going to "take anything away", I am off all addictive substances. I am concerned that it is too easy for me to be cast as the newly sober alkie here ...
It bothered me all last night, this feels really juvenile to me, I tend to acquiesce and relinquish too easily, especially with authority figures. Do I forward the emails to her with a note explaining how I feel defensive and uncomfortable? Or does that just look foolish? I feel as if it were someone else I would have better perspective. Any advice would be appreciated. ( I don't see her until next week).
I showed up one day and another patient was there at the same time, she asked the other patient if she could come back later. I saw the other patient was annoyed so i realized it isn't just me. Two weeks ago she sent me an email at 1:30 confirming our 2:30, I emailed right back and confirmed. When I showed up at appt one hour later she wasn't there. When I called she said she didn't get my email (??) but that she was around the corner and would be right there. She is a really good attentive doctor, this really is the only issue. However, I am starting to feel like I am constantly on the defensive, when in fact I know absolutely wrote an appt down and repeated it back to her. It's starting to feel a little ridiculous, I would be questioning my own sanity if it wasn't for the fact that this is the only person I am having this issue with. When we discuss incidents in which I show up a particular day or time, she seems adamant about the fact that there is no way she would have made the appt on this day or this time. She uses her phone to put in appts, and I have a feeling she gets the wrong day.
It keeps happening and it really bothers me because I am always on time for appointments, scheduling has never been a problem area in my life. If it was happening in other areas of my life I would assume I was having problems with organization or scheduling but it just keeps happening with this one doctor. I am not lying, I have nothing to gain by lying! If this was a problem area I would be comfortable taking ownership.
Last week I had a Wed appt, but my daughter was sick and stayed home so I emailed that morning to cancel a 1pm appt. We rescheduled for Friday afternoon at 3. Last Friday the school nurse called at 2pm that my daughter was coughing so I had to go get my daughter early, and had to cancel again.
I finally saw her yesterday and she questioned why I cancelled two appts.
It was compounded by the fact that she has referred me to a friend of hers who is a internist. I have fibromyalgia and lupus and possibly chronic Lyme disease. tThis internist has a 20 page intensive application that had to be filled out and mailed in with a check before I could even schedule first appointment. I blew it off for a month, but I was honest with my psychiatrist about the fact that i had not mailed it. Finally I sent it two weeks ago, it was a fairly large package so I took it straight to the po and my daughter jumped out and mailed it.
When I saw my psychiatrist yesterday I mentioned that I still had not heard from the new doctor. I am in a lot of pain and am having a tough time so she offered to call new doc together to book. When we called, the package has not arrived.
So this makes me look like more of a flake.I am starting to feel like the "dog ate my homework". On top of that she goes to drug test me,cotton swab in mouth, I sit in front of her and for some reason it doesn't work! This is completely voluntary, I hired her, wanted to go to rehab,etc. I guess it is weird to be drug tested when there is no one to tell but me....but the fact that it didn't work and we were out of time was just more mortifying. Normally a line shows up (this is all new to me),but nothing showed up at all yesterday. Zero results?
I hate being defensive, and I really like her. If I was in her shoes..client cancels, package goes missing, drug test just doesn't work (should we be checking to see if I even have a pulse?). When I screw up I own it, but I feel like I can't win for losing. If I had slipped I would tell her, otherwise I am wasting my money and time. I am sure working with alkies and addicts she hears a lot of BS.
I don't want to play the victim and I don't want to be defensive. I have emails to school from last Wed and to another classmate's mom last Saturday that represent the fact that I am telling the truth. Do I just let it all drop or do I send the emails? If this was the first or second incident I would let it go, but I am concerned that her perception of me may affect my treatment. It's not like she is going to "take anything away", I am off all addictive substances. I am concerned that it is too easy for me to be cast as the newly sober alkie here ...
It bothered me all last night, this feels really juvenile to me, I tend to acquiesce and relinquish too easily, especially with authority figures. Do I forward the emails to her with a note explaining how I feel defensive and uncomfortable? Or does that just look foolish? I feel as if it were someone else I would have better perspective. Any advice would be appreciated. ( I don't see her until next week).
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I would get a new doctor.
The first time I ever saw a psychiatrist, he was always running an hour behind. Always.
I guess I just assumed that's how it went with a psychiatrist. I was wrong.
It took me a little while to find the right one, but I finally did.
Doctors want you to respect their time, as we should. They need to do the same in return.
The first time I ever saw a psychiatrist, he was always running an hour behind. Always.
I guess I just assumed that's how it went with a psychiatrist. I was wrong.
It took me a little while to find the right one, but I finally did.
Doctors want you to respect their time, as we should. They need to do the same in return.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
I decided to interview counselors before deciding on the one I am seeing. Mainly it was to make sure we were on the same page regarding treatment approach however I also wanted to address how timely appointments were, cancellation policy as well as appointment confirmation.
In the beginning, I had my therapist write down the date and time for me on a one of their business cards. I did this because of problems, such as mentioned in the OP, with a past therapist.
I have no experience with the drug testing situation except , in the past, any drug test I've ever had to do (mandatory job related) was a urine sample.
I think if you are happy with the progress you're making with this woman then one more heart to heart sit down is in order. If it continues then I would fire her and find someone else.
Best to you.
In the beginning, I had my therapist write down the date and time for me on a one of their business cards. I did this because of problems, such as mentioned in the OP, with a past therapist.
I have no experience with the drug testing situation except , in the past, any drug test I've ever had to do (mandatory job related) was a urine sample.
I think if you are happy with the progress you're making with this woman then one more heart to heart sit down is in order. If it continues then I would fire her and find someone else.
Best to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I would look for another doctor, but you say you really like her outside of this appointment issue. Is she doing therapy with you? Talk therapy? If so, I would think this is a very relevant topic to discuss. That you like your progress but you two seem to have a lot of miscommunication on scheduling issues and you are frustrated with her about it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It shows a complete lack of respect and is really unprofessional. She is saying that her time is more important than yours and you really don't matter. Do you want a psychiatrist who is so dismissive and thoughtless?
You have many other issues to be dealing with. This is one issue that can easily be remedied. I would not hesitate in finding another doc.
You have many other issues to be dealing with. This is one issue that can easily be remedied. I would not hesitate in finding another doc.
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Originally Posted by rochele 
I would look for another doctor, but you say you really like her outside of this appointment issue. Is she doing therapy with you? Talk therapy? If so, I would think this is a very relevant topic to discuss. That you like your progress but you two seem to have a lot of miscommunication on scheduling issues and you are frustrated with her about it.
I spent almost 9 years doing CBT with an amazing therapist (who retired). One of my biggest issues was shrugging things off and saying "it doesn't matter", rather than speaking up. This mostly happens with women, my mom is a very unpleasant narcissist, so I learned to contour early on in life. Falling on my sword when it is unwarranted doesn't feel right anymore. I am trying so hard to be a good patient and take ownership that I think I am not even really looking at the fact that I have the right to be annoyed or upset. There is a part of me that feels really uncomfortable engaging with this, and I think that is why what appears to be a fairly benign issue is rocking me. I feel complicit in saying "oh it's me" over and over and over.
What just really hit me is that it didn't occur to me to feel frustrated...and that tells me i am falling into old habits that took me a long time to get out from under. I think in 9 years of therapy with my old therapist at least once a week, we maybe had one appointment in which our signals got crossed.
Trying to be pleasing gets me into trouble, and it sets me up to feel resentful. I think the reason this is bothering me is because I keep saying "it doesn't matter" when it does. Thank you guys!
PS: internist's office literally called as I was typing this, they got my paperwork, two weeks later. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise because the other issue has been simmering and this made me really look at what is going on.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
That's crazy. I'd need a shrink to deal with my feelings about this shrink, if I were you. Sounds like she's making you really paranoid and doubtful about yourself. Obviously you are going to be uncomfortable looking at some aspects of yourself in therapy, but she is treating you (and her other patients) completely disrespectfully. The therapist/patient relationship has to be one of complete trust for it to work well. There are thousands of great therapists out there. Find the right fit for you. It took me 4 tries to get the right one, but when I found him, life became really good.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Your psychiatrist's behavior is unacceptable.
Many psychiatrists are in the practice of overbooking and changing around appointments for the simple reason that the fifteen to twenty minutes they spend with each patient brings in lots of money, even when they're willing to negotiate a lower fee. There's nothing wrong with being paid for one's work, but this is sometimes contaminated by how much and how often a person gets paid. There are also patients who regularly change/cancel their appointments, sometimes telling the psychiatrist that they'll "let them know" when they can make their next appointment. When several patients operate in this manner, it's difficult for the psychiatrist to know from week to week how much income he/she will have which, in turn, makes it impossible to create a reliable monthly or weekly budget.
I go with the preceding comments that you bring this up with her again, and then suggest that she write down the date and time of each of your next appointments.
Even if you learn that there was a misunderstanding on your part, the issue will be resolved and you can get on with the business of taking care of yourself and living your life.
Many psychiatrists are in the practice of overbooking and changing around appointments for the simple reason that the fifteen to twenty minutes they spend with each patient brings in lots of money, even when they're willing to negotiate a lower fee. There's nothing wrong with being paid for one's work, but this is sometimes contaminated by how much and how often a person gets paid. There are also patients who regularly change/cancel their appointments, sometimes telling the psychiatrist that they'll "let them know" when they can make their next appointment. When several patients operate in this manner, it's difficult for the psychiatrist to know from week to week how much income he/she will have which, in turn, makes it impossible to create a reliable monthly or weekly budget.
I go with the preceding comments that you bring this up with her again, and then suggest that she write down the date and time of each of your next appointments.
Even if you learn that there was a misunderstanding on your part, the issue will be resolved and you can get on with the business of taking care of yourself and living your life.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Originally Posted by jaynie04
She is mostly a prescribing doc, I have a therapist who referred me to her (I meet with her 2x a week and there has never been any problem). They are friends and speak about me to each other, which I am fine with. I have spoken to my therapist about it because it was bothering me and she told me that I was the only one she had ever heard who had an issue. So I started to feel like I should just keep my mouth shut.
I spent almost 9 years doing CBT with an amazing therapist (who retired). One of my biggest issues was shrugging things off and saying "it doesn't matter", rather than speaking up. This mostly happens with women, my mom is a very unpleasant narcissist, so I learned to contour early on in life. Falling on my sword when it is unwarranted doesn't feel right anymore. I am trying so hard to be a good patient and take ownership that I think I am not even really looking at the fact that I have the right to be annoyed or upset. There is a part of me that feels really uncomfortable engaging with this, and I think that is why what appears to be a fairly benign issue is rocking me. I feel complicit in saying "oh it's me" over and over and over.
What just really hit me is that it didn't occur to me to feel frustrated...and that tells me i am falling into old habits that took me a long time to get out from under. I think in 9 years of therapy with my old therapist at least once a week, we maybe had one appointment in which our signals got crossed.
Trying to be pleasing gets me into trouble, and it sets me up to feel resentful. I think the reason this is bothering me is because I keep saying "it doesn't matter" when it does. Thank you guys!
PS: internist's office literally called as I was typing this, they got my paperwork, two weeks later. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise because the other issue has been simmering and this made me really look at what is going on.
I spent almost 9 years doing CBT with an amazing therapist (who retired). One of my biggest issues was shrugging things off and saying "it doesn't matter", rather than speaking up. This mostly happens with women, my mom is a very unpleasant narcissist, so I learned to contour early on in life. Falling on my sword when it is unwarranted doesn't feel right anymore. I am trying so hard to be a good patient and take ownership that I think I am not even really looking at the fact that I have the right to be annoyed or upset. There is a part of me that feels really uncomfortable engaging with this, and I think that is why what appears to be a fairly benign issue is rocking me. I feel complicit in saying "oh it's me" over and over and over.
What just really hit me is that it didn't occur to me to feel frustrated...and that tells me i am falling into old habits that took me a long time to get out from under. I think in 9 years of therapy with my old therapist at least once a week, we maybe had one appointment in which our signals got crossed.
Trying to be pleasing gets me into trouble, and it sets me up to feel resentful. I think the reason this is bothering me is because I keep saying "it doesn't matter" when it does. Thank you guys!
PS: internist's office literally called as I was typing this, they got my paperwork, two weeks later. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise because the other issue has been simmering and this made me really look at what is going on.
Deserves a re-post. You did great working this through in your head and getting it out on your thread.
I know it helped me with a couple of pesky thoughts I've been having!
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Originally Posted by soberhawk
Could you bring it up and say you find it irritating and it gives the impression that she is not in control?
The week before that I showed up on Monday, she wasn't there, I call her and she says "it's tomorrow". So I said nothing, just went home and showed up again the next day.
The week before that 2 of us showed up at the same time and she looked at the other woman and said "can you come back in 45 minutes?". The other patient was pissed.
I am actually starting to feel like an idiot, because I know I wrote the right time down each time and yet I didn't say a word.
I really think there is something bigger going on. If we had had this happen more than once my old therapist would have made a big deal about it, because I am starting to realize it is a big deal. And it is bothering me that I am covering for her, I think that is why it is not sitting right with me. I was trying to be a "good girl" and not rock the boat. The fact that I was going to forward emails to prove my point was not sitting well with me, and I posted here instead. I kept trying to see my part, and I am playing a part.
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Thanks so much....I have a habit of going over to the other side in an argument. I am so much better at being everyone else's advocate but don't practice what I preach. So grateful for the advice and support...honestly I am blown away by how helpful this is, thank you!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Jaynie, you quoted me, and I was very purposeful in how I worded my post. I am glad you found it helpful. I was reading that shehas you questioning yourself and on the defensive, when really you should be in charge and direct the conversation. So, telling her you feel frustrated with the miscommunication does that without be too confrontational, and without having to defend your actions.
Hey, maybe it is unique to you both, having this issue. Maybe dumb luck she has had these things happen just with you. But, I am guessing she is trying to save face with her friend. if they do discuss you, it should only be professional and not about nitpicky appointment issues. That is gossip.
I think of a time when my son's teacher claimed I had not paid her for an field trip or something. I was able to reply ot her with the check number I had written, and she did find it. Then it happened again! Same deal, I had a record of the check number and she joked, "Oh, this never happens! How embaraassed I am it happened this one time withthe same parent, Haha." Yeah, right. Some months later, chatting with another parent. She had the same exact story about missing checks, lol!
People have a very hard time admitting mistakes.
All that said, I bring my daughter to a psych nurse who is rather ditzy about appointment and about billing and clerical issues. So, do as I say, not as I do! Really, I go to this woman because she could see my daughter very quickly, and my daughter as having thoughts of suicide. She needed a quick appointment. So, she has responded very well to her med and is coasting and so happy. We stick with what is working. I just watch the billing very closely!
Hey, maybe it is unique to you both, having this issue. Maybe dumb luck she has had these things happen just with you. But, I am guessing she is trying to save face with her friend. if they do discuss you, it should only be professional and not about nitpicky appointment issues. That is gossip.
I think of a time when my son's teacher claimed I had not paid her for an field trip or something. I was able to reply ot her with the check number I had written, and she did find it. Then it happened again! Same deal, I had a record of the check number and she joked, "Oh, this never happens! How embaraassed I am it happened this one time withthe same parent, Haha." Yeah, right. Some months later, chatting with another parent. She had the same exact story about missing checks, lol!
People have a very hard time admitting mistakes.
All that said, I bring my daughter to a psych nurse who is rather ditzy about appointment and about billing and clerical issues. So, do as I say, not as I do! Really, I go to this woman because she could see my daughter very quickly, and my daughter as having thoughts of suicide. She needed a quick appointment. So, she has responded very well to her med and is coasting and so happy. We stick with what is working. I just watch the billing very closely!
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
She will continue to treat you badly and make you feel you are wrong all the time for as long as you allow her to
When i mentioned it to my therapist, the therapist said "she's busy, she has 2 young children". What I took away from that is "you aren't busy, you don't work, get over it".
I felt uncomfortable that the other patient who she told to come back later was upset, I am so busy making everyone happy......argh. I posted here the other day about how I learned that examining the minutiae of our lives often shows us a lot of what is going on. What was bothering me last night was the fact that because I have admitted I am an alcoholic and need help that I feel less than, and that I am giving away parts of myself like my integrity which really matter. I know that is a dangerous setup and that resentments can lead to relapse.
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