Is this childish?
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I'm surprised that with the technology we have today her office doesn't print out an appointment slip. I see a p-doc every 4-6 weeks and when I make my next appointment his assistant prints out an appointment slip for me. She also calls the day before to confirm the appointment. In almost 6 months my p-doc has had to cancel one time. His office is part of a very large hospital so he works on the inpatient side as well as outpatient and he was dealing with a crisis situation at the hospital that he couldn't get away from.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
She doesn't have an assistant, it's just the two of us at the end of our appt with my calendar and her phone. Which makes it even more frustrating because it becomes a she said/she said issue.
When we met yesterday she kept her phone on her lap and the table next to her and must have picked it up at least 15 times during our session to look at texts she was receiving. I am 48 and probably about 10 years older than her, I am just not that into phones. But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
What I am most disturbed about right now is listening to what I am writing. I wouldn't consider saying "excuse me, I am paying you for a very expensive appointment, could you please put the phone down," because I am afraid it would be considered rude, yet I will sit there patiently while this goes on.
This was a big wake up call. We discuss boundaries a lot on these threads and I am quick to note when I feel like someone else is not being treated properly. It is one thing to make note of something and not speak up about it, I just realized I am not even having a reaction to being treated poorly. Big wake up call!
When we met yesterday she kept her phone on her lap and the table next to her and must have picked it up at least 15 times during our session to look at texts she was receiving. I am 48 and probably about 10 years older than her, I am just not that into phones. But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
What I am most disturbed about right now is listening to what I am writing. I wouldn't consider saying "excuse me, I am paying you for a very expensive appointment, could you please put the phone down," because I am afraid it would be considered rude, yet I will sit there patiently while this goes on.
This was a big wake up call. We discuss boundaries a lot on these threads and I am quick to note when I feel like someone else is not being treated properly. It is one thing to make note of something and not speak up about it, I just realized I am not even having a reaction to being treated poorly. Big wake up call!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi jaynie, this issue of boundaries and teaching people how to treat us is so important. Thanks for sharing!
I wanted to comment on the should I forward the email from my daughter's teacher part...I'd say no, absolutely not. You are an adult and you do not need to 'prove' yourself to anyone, esp not this particular person who is flighty, unprofessional, and a rude cell phone checker. I think that sharing these emails with her might make you resentful later...it would be giving her too much power and putting you on the defensive.
Thinking of you
I wanted to comment on the should I forward the email from my daughter's teacher part...I'd say no, absolutely not. You are an adult and you do not need to 'prove' yourself to anyone, esp not this particular person who is flighty, unprofessional, and a rude cell phone checker. I think that sharing these emails with her might make you resentful later...it would be giving her too much power and putting you on the defensive.
Thinking of you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
OK, Jaynie, the phone thing? OMG. She has got to go. THAT is just plain rude and unprofessional.
My 14 year old daughter sees 2 psych professionals, a therapist and a RN. Both give her/me/us their undivided attention, until it is time to book the next visit. Only then does the phone come out.
Last week my hair stylist glanced at her phone once and apologized, but explained she was waiting for a call from her mother who had a concerning medical test.
My 14 year old daughter sees 2 psych professionals, a therapist and a RN. Both give her/me/us their undivided attention, until it is time to book the next visit. Only then does the phone come out.
Last week my hair stylist glanced at her phone once and apologized, but explained she was waiting for a call from her mother who had a concerning medical test.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
jaynie,
it doesn't sound like this person would in any way be able to be of help to you with some of your "issues" you mention here. in fact, it sounds like she and her behaviour feed right into all your insecurities and wishes to be "nice" and a "good patient" and takes advantage of them all.
the suggestion you've been given to have her write down on paper and give to you said piece of paper with the next appointment ought to solve the scheduling challenge.
her reading of texts...wow. you putting up with that? double triple wow.
what is it she gives you that seems helpful to you without the double messages?
But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
sorry to hear you feel that way. from here, it looks like your perspective is skewed. you are paying her. she is putting you out. she is putting you last, past any text message from anyone.
jaynie, i hope you find it in yourself that you're worth finding a professional who will HELP you with building up , not tearing down like this.
hm...the fear of deciding and then saying, in less crass words, to someone:you are not satisfactory to me in this relationship and you're not holding up your end of what i'm paying for.
hm...
not trying to give you a hard time, jaynie, just repeating back what i'm reading out of your posts.
if you were to find a good therapist who could help you with how the relationship with THIS one brings up all this stuff for you, THEN that would be a grand thing to continue with this one just so you could practice
it doesn't sound like this person would in any way be able to be of help to you with some of your "issues" you mention here. in fact, it sounds like she and her behaviour feed right into all your insecurities and wishes to be "nice" and a "good patient" and takes advantage of them all.
the suggestion you've been given to have her write down on paper and give to you said piece of paper with the next appointment ought to solve the scheduling challenge.
her reading of texts...wow. you putting up with that? double triple wow.
what is it she gives you that seems helpful to you without the double messages?
But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
sorry to hear you feel that way. from here, it looks like your perspective is skewed. you are paying her. she is putting you out. she is putting you last, past any text message from anyone.
jaynie, i hope you find it in yourself that you're worth finding a professional who will HELP you with building up , not tearing down like this.
hm...the fear of deciding and then saying, in less crass words, to someone:you are not satisfactory to me in this relationship and you're not holding up your end of what i'm paying for.
hm...
not trying to give you a hard time, jaynie, just repeating back what i'm reading out of your posts.
if you were to find a good therapist who could help you with how the relationship with THIS one brings up all this stuff for you, THEN that would be a grand thing to continue with this one just so you could practice
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I try to see things from the other persons POV.
My Dr is never on time - but she bulk bills (which means the Government pays the fees) and she must see 100 people plus a day so I understand why she's always late - she never makes me feel any less important than the other 99 patients tho.
But your Doc, checking her phone, in your session? Turning it all around on you, and making you feel bad & making you feel like you need to justify yourself?
hmmm....that's not want I'd want from my therapist.
D
My Dr is never on time - but she bulk bills (which means the Government pays the fees) and she must see 100 people plus a day so I understand why she's always late - she never makes me feel any less important than the other 99 patients tho.
But your Doc, checking her phone, in your session? Turning it all around on you, and making you feel bad & making you feel like you need to justify yourself?
hmmm....that's not want I'd want from my therapist.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by fini 
jaynie,
it doesn't sound like this person would in any way be able to be of help to you with some of your "issues" you mention here. in fact, it sounds like she and her behaviour feed right into all your insecurities and wishes to be "nice" and a "good patient" and takes advantage of them all.
the suggestion you've been given to have her write down on paper and give to you said piece of paper with the next appointment ought to solve the scheduling challenge.
her reading of texts...wow. you putting up with that? double triple wow.
what is it she gives you that seems helpful to you without the double messages?
But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
sorry to hear you feel that way. from here, it looks like your perspective is skewed. you are paying her. she is putting you out. she is putting you last, past any text message from anyone.
jaynie, i hope you find it in yourself that you're worth finding a professional who will HELP you with building up , not tearing down like this.
hm...the fear of deciding and then saying, in less crass words, to someone:you are not satisfactory to me in this relationship and you're not holding up your end of what i'm paying for.
hm...
not trying to give you a hard time, jaynie, just repeating back what i'm reading out of your posts.
if you were to find a good therapist who could help you with how the relationship with THIS one brings up all this stuff for you, THEN that would be a grand thing to continue with this one just so you could practice
it doesn't sound like this person would in any way be able to be of help to you with some of your "issues" you mention here. in fact, it sounds like she and her behaviour feed right into all your insecurities and wishes to be "nice" and a "good patient" and takes advantage of them all.
the suggestion you've been given to have her write down on paper and give to you said piece of paper with the next appointment ought to solve the scheduling challenge.
her reading of texts...wow. you putting up with that? double triple wow.
what is it she gives you that seems helpful to you without the double messages?
But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
sorry to hear you feel that way. from here, it looks like your perspective is skewed. you are paying her. she is putting you out. she is putting you last, past any text message from anyone.
jaynie, i hope you find it in yourself that you're worth finding a professional who will HELP you with building up , not tearing down like this.
hm...the fear of deciding and then saying, in less crass words, to someone:you are not satisfactory to me in this relationship and you're not holding up your end of what i'm paying for.
hm...
not trying to give you a hard time, jaynie, just repeating back what i'm reading out of your posts.
if you were to find a good therapist who could help you with how the relationship with THIS one brings up all this stuff for you, THEN that would be a grand thing to continue with this one just so you could practice
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
When we met yesterday she kept her phone on her lap and the table next to her and must have picked it up at least 15 times during our session to look at texts she was receiving. I am 48 and probably about 10 years older than her, I am just not that into phones. But it bothers me that she glances at the phone often, because I feel like I am putting her out.
At first I was going to suggest you bring a calendar with you. Even if you print something off. Tell her you want to mark down all the appointments for the coming month. Do it WITH her. Then, as each appointment comes if there is a situation present document what happened. At the end of the month confront her with it.
However, after reading the portion that I just quoted from your post I'm disgusted by her actions. I'd be looking for someone else. You deserve better than that!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I had this therapist once who would not respond to my asking " How are you?" She would stare at me and not answer. She would say " Hi, Mizzuno. How are you?" Me: "I am good. How are you?" ......Nothing. It was very awkward and really got under my skin. My point with that little story is: I think that you need to feel comfortable with your head doctor. I also think that it is perfectly acceptable to walk away from this situation without feeling any guilt. Her schedule is obviously to busy for you. I am sorry for all the confusion that you have endured.
The next therapist that I saw I asked: "How are you?" She said; "I am good today. Thank you"......I was like Thank God.
The next therapist that I saw I asked: "How are you?" She said; "I am good today. Thank you"......I was like Thank God.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Tons of great insight and advice here. No need to add anything other than great job on posting about it! When I first read your post, my paranoid and psychologically overexposed mind would think the doc was "gaslighting" me and trying to make me crazy..lol.
Hope you are either able to resolve this with your current doc or find a new one. All the best.
Hope you are either able to resolve this with your current doc or find a new one. All the best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Nuu...you know what's weird. I had the gaslight thought go through my head because there was an element in all of this that seemed so farcical. The fact that it kept happening (more than I have even explained here) and the doc's complete insistence about the fact that it must have been me really shook me to the core.
I think the gnawing internal doubt was spurred on when I mentioned it to my therapist who expressed concerned initiall and then backpedaled the following week. I got the sense that the 2 of them had talked and that I was the crazy one.
There is more going on, I am almost embarrassed to share. I had called the therapist after researching addiction specialists this past June and met with her. After about 3 visits I committed to going to inpatient at the end of June. In the interim she referred me to this psychiatrist to go over meds etc. The two are friends. We are all around the same age (I am 48).
I met with the psychiatrist, i was headed to inpatient across the country and was really down on myself. I got things organized enough at home to leave and had a good experience. When I got back I started to see the psychiatrist once a week, the therapist twice.
I have some issues I am working on regarding AA, my mother has 35 years of sobriety but does not have a good program. She is narcissistic and petty, she got sober when I was 13 so I grew up attending meetings. I was being strongly encouraged to go to AA by both docs upon my return, and I did, but I didn't realize how much of my personal background and trauma would be triggered by revisiting the program. (this has nothing to do with AA, please don't think I am bashing it, but it was used against me in a punishing way by my mother daily during my childhood). A lot of old emotions starting coming to the surface.
Because I was resistant about going to AA it was strongly suggested that I hire this young gentleman who is a sober coach. My face is burning as I write this because it sounds like I am a prima donna. I live in a very affluent town, I do not come from a lot and started washing dishes when I was 14. I waitressed through high school and college and paid off $50,000 in student loans when I graduated college. I had an art degree but moved to NYC with my boyfriend and somehow got a job on a trading floor down on Wall Street. I learned the business, became a fairly senior woman in the industry and ran a trading desk and department for the next 10 years. I met my husband moved to the burbs and opened a design firm and antique store for the next 10 years. We have been very blessed, but nothing was handed to me however I still feel apologetic for what we have.
Even though I have a strong will and am opinionated I am horrible about having boundaries with strong women. It is very very old for me, I have done soooo much work on it (not enough) and it is rearing it's ugly head with a vengeance. The reason I mention my business background because I think it is interesting that I was successful in a career in which it was mostly men, I am better at being forthright in that regard. In my design career once again I worked with mostly men. Growing up with my mother learning to contour and disappear was mandated for survival, I never learned how to resolve conflict without getting annihilated.
When the sober coach was suggested to me I told the therapist I was nervous about bringing anyone else on, that I know I have a hard time saying no. She encouraged me to meet with him. I did, he was a nice guy. The whole idea of a sober coach seems a bit outrageous to me, it might work for some people...We had 2 meetings, his monthly fee was huge and he mentioned it would likely be reduced. He showed up at the next meeting and without blinking handed over the contract with a full month fee. I felt too embarrassed to say no and I signed and gave him my cc. The three of them know each other and refer among themselves.
I am starting to feel swept up in something that is making me really uncomfortable, and I feel like I am bouncing from one to another.....I had 3 two hour meetings with the sober coach and then stopped returning phone calls. This all just feels a bit crazy to me. Meanwhile I am spending a fortune. I am trying to hard to do sobriety correctly but I am feeling taken advantage of. I know it is my fault and I am embarrassed even as I write this. Now I have been referred to an internist by the psychiatrist because of my chronic pain issue, so it is one more ring in the chain. I am soooo confused!!!!! I haven't talked to anyone about this because I feel like the exact people that are involved with resolving conflict in my life are connected to it....help!!!
I think the gnawing internal doubt was spurred on when I mentioned it to my therapist who expressed concerned initiall and then backpedaled the following week. I got the sense that the 2 of them had talked and that I was the crazy one.
There is more going on, I am almost embarrassed to share. I had called the therapist after researching addiction specialists this past June and met with her. After about 3 visits I committed to going to inpatient at the end of June. In the interim she referred me to this psychiatrist to go over meds etc. The two are friends. We are all around the same age (I am 48).
I met with the psychiatrist, i was headed to inpatient across the country and was really down on myself. I got things organized enough at home to leave and had a good experience. When I got back I started to see the psychiatrist once a week, the therapist twice.
I have some issues I am working on regarding AA, my mother has 35 years of sobriety but does not have a good program. She is narcissistic and petty, she got sober when I was 13 so I grew up attending meetings. I was being strongly encouraged to go to AA by both docs upon my return, and I did, but I didn't realize how much of my personal background and trauma would be triggered by revisiting the program. (this has nothing to do with AA, please don't think I am bashing it, but it was used against me in a punishing way by my mother daily during my childhood). A lot of old emotions starting coming to the surface.
Because I was resistant about going to AA it was strongly suggested that I hire this young gentleman who is a sober coach. My face is burning as I write this because it sounds like I am a prima donna. I live in a very affluent town, I do not come from a lot and started washing dishes when I was 14. I waitressed through high school and college and paid off $50,000 in student loans when I graduated college. I had an art degree but moved to NYC with my boyfriend and somehow got a job on a trading floor down on Wall Street. I learned the business, became a fairly senior woman in the industry and ran a trading desk and department for the next 10 years. I met my husband moved to the burbs and opened a design firm and antique store for the next 10 years. We have been very blessed, but nothing was handed to me however I still feel apologetic for what we have.
Even though I have a strong will and am opinionated I am horrible about having boundaries with strong women. It is very very old for me, I have done soooo much work on it (not enough) and it is rearing it's ugly head with a vengeance. The reason I mention my business background because I think it is interesting that I was successful in a career in which it was mostly men, I am better at being forthright in that regard. In my design career once again I worked with mostly men. Growing up with my mother learning to contour and disappear was mandated for survival, I never learned how to resolve conflict without getting annihilated.
When the sober coach was suggested to me I told the therapist I was nervous about bringing anyone else on, that I know I have a hard time saying no. She encouraged me to meet with him. I did, he was a nice guy. The whole idea of a sober coach seems a bit outrageous to me, it might work for some people...We had 2 meetings, his monthly fee was huge and he mentioned it would likely be reduced. He showed up at the next meeting and without blinking handed over the contract with a full month fee. I felt too embarrassed to say no and I signed and gave him my cc. The three of them know each other and refer among themselves.
I am starting to feel swept up in something that is making me really uncomfortable, and I feel like I am bouncing from one to another.....I had 3 two hour meetings with the sober coach and then stopped returning phone calls. This all just feels a bit crazy to me. Meanwhile I am spending a fortune. I am trying to hard to do sobriety correctly but I am feeling taken advantage of. I know it is my fault and I am embarrassed even as I write this. Now I have been referred to an internist by the psychiatrist because of my chronic pain issue, so it is one more ring in the chain. I am soooo confused!!!!! I haven't talked to anyone about this because I feel like the exact people that are involved with resolving conflict in my life are connected to it....help!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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Okay...I am really uncomfortable with what I just read Jaynie. You don't sound like a flaky chick to me..quite the contrary. I actually have a very uncomfortable feeling in my gut here.
I have a fabulous counsellor. One of the greatest gifts she gave me was permission to trust my gut and listen to myself all the time 24/7. She advised that not listening to my gut and instincts is what got me in the mess I got myself in.
Sounds to me like you're spidey senses are trying to tell you something. Although my therapist sobered up in AA..she is completely fine with me not attending. I told her something when I sobered up (with respect to my feelings re AA and my previous experience) and she said "did you hear what you just said? You have to listen to that! You have to listen to you!"
Let it also be known that I am not bashing the program but I do believe it is IMPERATIVE to your sobriety that you listen to your own instincts. Please pm anytime.
I have a fabulous counsellor. One of the greatest gifts she gave me was permission to trust my gut and listen to myself all the time 24/7. She advised that not listening to my gut and instincts is what got me in the mess I got myself in.
Sounds to me like you're spidey senses are trying to tell you something. Although my therapist sobered up in AA..she is completely fine with me not attending. I told her something when I sobered up (with respect to my feelings re AA and my previous experience) and she said "did you hear what you just said? You have to listen to that! You have to listen to you!"
Let it also be known that I am not bashing the program but I do believe it is IMPERATIVE to your sobriety that you listen to your own instincts. Please pm anytime.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
The issue that is most concerning is that I feel guilty for talking about this.....like I need to protect those involved, and that I am being "bad" for discussing this, disloyal if you will. Thank you so much for listening. Getting it down on paper helped clarify this a lot. I am really uncomfortable reading this too. I think I was so anxious about getting well that I fell back into old patterns unwittingly and handed over the reins....
Thank you so much for your patience and advice, it was starting to feel out of control but I couldn't step away from it until I put it down.
Thank you so much for your patience and advice, it was starting to feel out of control but I couldn't step away from it until I put it down.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I seriously think your being used as well and I think that's the most disgusting most unprofessional thing I've ever heard. They should be ashamed of themselves. You shouldn't be embarrassed - this is disgraceful behaviour on their part.
I hope you find yourself a good doctor with your best interests at heart. You deserve to get proper treatment.
I hope you find yourself a good doctor with your best interests at heart. You deserve to get proper treatment.
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