sunset01

august I didn't mean to imply that you haven't done much. From your posts your doing more than I did at my worst, and your coping with the other stuff too, that's awesome. Never heard of torchlight II, I iz scaaarwd of zombie's tho so I prolly wont check it out.lol

AugustWest11

lol it's just an easy game to kill some time .. More fantasy then zombie though

foolsgold66

Okay, so focus on that 1 peice. Your stay there with your ex has no real terms I gather...

What about talking with your ex about your disability process and goals and timelines, and striking a real deal that you can continue to live there for X weeks\months\whatever. Maybe there are some things you could do, projects, tasks, whatever to substitute for some sort of rent. Strike a real deal with her for a set period of time and try to remove that uncertainty. Does that make sense to you?

AugustWest11

Ohh I am here for the disiablity process; but not sure she realizes how long it may take .. Right now I think it is removed; it is just hard walking on egg shells everyday .. Gonna Crash now while I can will check the thread & check in tomorrow ..

EndGameNYC

What hasn't worked for us in the past will not likely work for us in the future. Many of us have to learn this lesson over and over again -- and at great cost to our health and our very survival -- before we accept that we cannot do this on our own.

Alcoholics drink because we want to drink. It's what we do. We like the effects of alcohol.

The AA Big Book tells us that every alcoholic harbors the obsession that we can some day control and enjoy our drinking. And once we start, we cannot stop on our own. Every thread here started by someone who is determined to moderate their drinking ends in tears. Or we simply never hear from them again. Many of us will try anything and everything to avoid putting down the drink once and for all. Even going so far as to attempt to heal a mind damaged by alcohol with that same mind.

All the support, cheerleading and group hugs here have not helped, and only seem to have made matters worse for you. If those things did help, I would join in and recommend that everyone keep it up. At some point, offering verbal support alone is counterproductive and, at its worst, harmful. And it sometimes amounts to abuse. None of us likes to hear what we need to do in order to heal, and too often we're on the brink of taking our own lives before we surrender to a better way. I call it the "Goldilocks Syndrome"...not seeking or accepting help unless everything is "just right."

You have a very narrow and circumscribed comfort zone. You didn't plan it that way, but that's the hand you were dealt. If you ever want to break free of your portable prison, you need to get meaningful help. Your entire life is screaming out to you that a radical change is what's required in order to heal. But you defer. Why wouldn't you recoil from such a dramatic upheaval in terror?

Turning to the drink when life goes sideways has historically been a major player in your comfort zone. Now that you no longer have that luxury, you've got nothing else to sedate the pain. Nada. The AA Big Book Twelve Steps prescribe a spiritual remedy and/or service to others as a means of defending against the first drink, as a means of finding comfort and sanity in the absence of the drink. But your cupboard is now bare.

I get that you don't like being around people, don't trust anyone, and have no stomach for AA. How much longer do you want to live your life avoiding everyday situations because many of them make you double over in pain and fear? What kind of life do you imagine you'll have if you continue to avoid people, crowds, and public places? How much of your life are you willing to continue to sacrifice to your fears? How much more are you willing to lose before you get meaningful help?

Scaring you with the reality that this struggle is one of life and death seems not to have moved you. What else will? The bottom line is that you have to want this for yourself more than everyone else here combined wants it for you in order for this to work. Trying to fix something with broken tools only guarantees failure.

foolsgold66

Man, that just wasn't an answer to my proposal to solidify your living situation at all. Honesty is important. Understanding what the terms are of living situations is important. Dealing with others fairly, especially ones that are giving you something they don't have to is part of being an adult responsible person. Leaving things unsaid, making assumptions, winging it day-by-day on this like you are is a poor way to treat others, especially someone you profess to still care about. Keep acting in this fashion and you'll just get what you deserve for it.

Br00ksie

Best of luck!!

AugustWest11

Thanx End .. I am getting help .. I have called these counseling services 2 days in a row now; tomorrow will be a third .. There is not much I can do if they are not doing there job .. I have been wanting to address these fear\anxiety issues for years and I am now .. But After I call them again tomorrow and they don't get back to me what then ?? I mean my insurance limits who to call; these people have all my information, they read it back to me on the phone .. So again I will try .. Just not sure what I can do to get them to call me back ..

AugustWest11

Very good point; I will have to think this through .. As to what I would say to her and such I never saw that view cause around any corner I try and help her she blocks me .. I can say tomorrow I am mowing the lawn for the last of the season ..

ImperfectlyMe

Morning friend

sugarbear1

Keep calling. Sometimes they want to see how serious you really are before they respond. Yes, it seems to be a game, but they get tons of calls each day.

Keep moving forward!

AugustWest11

Thanx .. plan to call after grocery shopping ...