Official Day 3 Check In
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by Malachi 
AW, please understand that you are so much stronger than you realize. I know what's it like to deal with anxiety and panic attacks, I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, but please don't let that stand in the way of attaining what you want. Every time you face your fears, they get more and more manageable.
Face Everything And Rise
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
Originally Posted by jdooner
IPM - there is a trend here that goes back over 1K posts, which I believe people are finding difficult to accept - though we should not project and I am as guilty as anyone.
AW - I am honestly not sure what you want. But perhaps we could help you with a plan if you are willing.
You posted you wanted to go into Detox - you said or another poster said there was an issue about being 72 hours sober, which you are now based on your posts. You also said you went to an ER and they could not help or admit you - what ER did you go to? My mother runs a trauma unit at one of the major Boston Hospitals so maybe I could call her and help you?
I see you have a job so you should have health insurance is this correct?
My question is pretty simple - what is it that you want?
AW - I am honestly not sure what you want. But perhaps we could help you with a plan if you are willing.
You posted you wanted to go into Detox - you said or another poster said there was an issue about being 72 hours sober, which you are now based on your posts. You also said you went to an ER and they could not help or admit you - what ER did you go to? My mother runs a trauma unit at one of the major Boston Hospitals so maybe I could call her and help you?
I see you have a job so you should have health insurance is this correct?
My question is pretty simple - what is it that you want?
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Originally Posted by lorelei
Facing the fear head on makes a big difference aw. Rather than ruminating and catastrophising. You take back control. I know I deal with anxiety every day its a battle but drink makes it worse and lack of routine and isolating too, let people help you x
Face Everything And Rise
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AW
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Originally Posted by AugustWest11
I moved up here cause I thought I had the strength to grow up beyond that perosn .. & I did for the first 2 years .. Then something "triggered" and things have been spiring since ..
August, that strength is not gone now, you're just trudging through a dark space. You can't lose what you gained in those 2 years. Hang in there, buddy. You can get through this to the other side.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Originally Posted by AugustWest11
To get sober; which I have determined I will do it on my own cause I got no support and am difficult to deal with .. Next counsling so I cna move out of her house ,,,
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As stupid as this sounds even this is starting to get to me 
An all of you are in my PC not even around me .. I feel pushed into a corner I can not get out of .. Logicaly I should say scxrew it and step away But there are a few who have had kind words .. I am sitting in the PC room; which was "My Room" crying over all that I am losing ..
Least my cats feel me .. Seems Baltimore might be my only recourse at this point .. & Even there I got nothing but Family that can't\won't help and friends that will wanna take me out to drown my sorrows ..
An all of you are in my PC not even around me .. I feel pushed into a corner I can not get out of .. Logicaly I should say scxrew it and step away But there are a few who have had kind words .. I am sitting in the PC room; which was "My Room" crying over all that I am losing .. Least my cats feel me .. Seems Baltimore might be my only recourse at this point .. & Even there I got nothing but Family that can't\won't help and friends that will wanna take me out to drown my sorrows ..
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
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I haven't followed your posts too closely but I see you keep trying. You keep coming back here of your own accord. You need to change how you go about this and you know that. You remind me of another poster "justfor1". He got some flack for making excuses for his relapsing. I don't he thought of them as excuses to him they were barriers. Real problems between him and sobriety. Anyway I haven't seen him in awhile. Don't go back out. Stick around. Even though some of the comments seem harsh I think it really is a "tough love" situation.
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I plan to stick around; as long as I don't go back to baltimore.. I will be here.. My Ex just gave me some great suggestions to deal w\ the counseling BS so can try that tomorrow ..
I'm back going to shower get kids to bed and be back again. Chin up August you're not alone!!!!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Hi August, I've been away a little while, have just got up to speed with this thread and I wanted to say, you are most definitely not alone. Even all the way over here in Australia I'm feeling your pain. Pain that I once felt myself.
My brain was on an endless loop of despair too, I cant, I don't deserve, I cant, I don't deserve, wash, rinse, repeat. I could barely leave my house, breaking out into a sweat, shaking constantly, anxiety through the roof, I thought everyone could physically see my pain, I felt exposed to the world and I didn't want to be. My mind on endless loop, if only, I cant, if only, I cant. I didn't drive, didn't work, didn't do anything, but fret and feel worthless.
So firstly I want to throw my arms around you and give you the biggest cyber hug there ever was, and I want to tell you that the life you seek is out there, it takes work, and effort, it will sometimes leave you feeling exhausted and a little lost, but you can do it. My DOC was pot at that time...and I know yours is alcohol, your what 4 days in? Give your brain some time to heal. You cant do everything at once, this isn't a sprint.
You've taken your first step, that is awesome, and even though you probably don't feel it, taking that first step makes you courageous.
Freshstart recommended a book to me it's called "the power of now" Eckhart Tolle, I don't know where your head is at re spirituality ect. I'm an Athiest, but this book speaks more to our thoughts, the way they effect us. And how to be free of them... (I haven't finished it). I've had many aha moments in reading it. It may be of some use to you too.
Anyway I just wanted to say I'm rooting for you. It's a lonely space to be in, but you need to remember you are not alone in this. We do care.
My brain was on an endless loop of despair too, I cant, I don't deserve, I cant, I don't deserve, wash, rinse, repeat. I could barely leave my house, breaking out into a sweat, shaking constantly, anxiety through the roof, I thought everyone could physically see my pain, I felt exposed to the world and I didn't want to be. My mind on endless loop, if only, I cant, if only, I cant. I didn't drive, didn't work, didn't do anything, but fret and feel worthless.
So firstly I want to throw my arms around you and give you the biggest cyber hug there ever was, and I want to tell you that the life you seek is out there, it takes work, and effort, it will sometimes leave you feeling exhausted and a little lost, but you can do it. My DOC was pot at that time...and I know yours is alcohol, your what 4 days in? Give your brain some time to heal. You cant do everything at once, this isn't a sprint.
You've taken your first step, that is awesome, and even though you probably don't feel it, taking that first step makes you courageous.
Freshstart recommended a book to me it's called "the power of now" Eckhart Tolle, I don't know where your head is at re spirituality ect. I'm an Athiest, but this book speaks more to our thoughts, the way they effect us. And how to be free of them... (I haven't finished it). I've had many aha moments in reading it. It may be of some use to you too.
Anyway I just wanted to say I'm rooting for you. It's a lonely space to be in, but you need to remember you are not alone in this. We do care.
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Nahhh just TorchLight II on steam :p I got sucked into one lonely night lol Thanx .. As much as I seem to not have done much; I have taken bigger steps now then in all my life and this has been exhausting then through all the other BS on my plate in I am just smothered for now ..Thanx
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a place to live dirty cheap lol It's not gonna happen until my red tape clears up .. I am only allowed to work 19 hours a week right now .. Can't even afford a Hotel room close to work
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