LuLu13

Hi all, I am on day 54. I do not post often but read everyday. I enjoy your successes and feel great empathy for those struggling. I have been lucky as this journey, except for an extremely difficult detox, has not been that difficult for me. I have had two very short urges to drink. Never had have any true cravings. I am happy, the me I remember is returning. I find joy in nearly everything and know I am blessed.

With that being said I am struggling with the damage my drinking has done to my life. I did not drink heavily for long, only about two years, but I was an overachiever :-) My drinking became unmanageable after I was laid off from my job of 8 years. I was blessed, or cursed, to have enough money in the bank to survive. I never really even attempted to find work, I just drank. Like many I never opened my statements and ignored my financial state. Two days ago I received an email from my investment manager stating that I had enough money for one more mortgage payment and that was it, I was out of cash. I freaked out, my heart started racing, for a brief moment I thought of a drink. For another hour I beat myself up about how I had ruined my chances for a very comfortable retirement. How I would not be able to leave my daughter anything when I die. I thought about losing the house I had been paying on for over twelve years. Then I got a grip, I realized I could not change the past but that the old me, or real me, would have to get myself out of this, the thought of homelessness terrified me.

I went into overdrive and spent about 10 hours applying for jobs. Many I was overqualified for, some I was underqualified. I ran across two positions at companies where I had contacts. Believe it or not, I have three interviews next week. One of them I am sure I am not qualified for and the prospect is daunting. I imagine the money is excellent but I do not have the experience to be a Benefits Manager for a 3500 life group. One of the others is with a brokerage firm and the job matches my skill set exactly, it is what I have done for nearly thirty years. As luck, or God, would have it two of my good friends and contacts work with this agency. I reached out to both and they sent emails singing my praises. I took two very long assessment tests for the job earlier today and apparently did very well. The third interview is with a carrier I worked with for years where I also have contacts. How am I so lucky?

Not sure what the point of this is except I am wondering, perhaps, if I deserve this sort of blessing. If I can land on my feet this quickly it will be amazing. I am so excited to get a job and become productive again. I know much of my self esteem was tied to my career. If one of these organizations hires me they will have a very thankful employee who will give 110% and be forever grateful. If I am fortunate enough to become employed so quickly I am determined to build up my financial accounts again and try to reverse some of the destruction my drinking years have caused. I wish I could have those years back but onwards and upwards.

Thanks for reading, I have not told anyone about the direness of my financial situation and it helps to just vent.

Tranquilo

Hi Lulu, doesn't the world look better and far more manageable through sober eyes and thoughts? You have made a great change in your life, 54 days sober and strong is no small achievement! You deserve every opportunity that comes your way, good luck with the interviews, keep positive and the good stuff will follow!

I can relate to ignoring financial matters, I stopped reading mail, I just chucked it in the bin! Funny to think about that now

LuLu13

Thanks Tranquilo, I appreciate the encouragement. That ignoring our mail can sure come back to bite us in the butt!

FishnHippy

Lulu what a fantastic post and I thank you for that. Congratulations on the 54 days and the job interviews good luck.

LuLu13

Thanks FishnHippy, I appreciate your good thoughts.

Tides

I'm pretty new here, and haven't written a lot of congratulations posts... but congratulations on your 54 days. I can only imagine that it takes a lot of strength and courage to get that far - and even if you don't have cravings - the strength to get through without drinking (when the chips are down) - is both awesome and powerful.

Sometimes we are blessed with things we don't deserve or at least don't feel we don't deserve. That can be hard to receive, and even harder to understand. Getting three interviews so quickly speaks volumes about what you can offer professionally... and that's a great thing.

Good luck with the interviews. Will be rooting for you.

happyhour

lulu - great job on day 54 !

enjoy considering these upcoming opportunities with a pure heart, clear head and staedy hands

serious

well done on 54 days.

perhaps this is exactly what you've needed. you just might get that job and it may turn out to be the best thing for you. as long as you stay sober and clear-headed you still have plenty of opportunities to better your life and financial situation.

i've been there... and after losing a job to booze, i've realized that it was the best thing that happened to me. give it time.

good luck!

LuLu13

Thank you Tides, Happyhour and Serious. I just got a phone interview for another position, I am speaking to them at 1:00 this afternoon. This is crazy but it all gives me hope. I have worked hard my entire life and was so worried the two year gap on my resume would kill my chances. I better be able to land one of these jobs or then I will be depressed. Going to head out and mow the lawn soon to quiet my brain. As Sugarbear on Honey Boo Boo would say "my mind is racing like two squirrels in a wool sock!" Sorry, watching Honey Boo Boo is shameful but a guilty pleasure.