pinkdog

Dear Lou, welcome. An alcoholic cannot control their drinking. I am an alcoholic. I cannot control my drinking. It kept increasing. That is why I had to quit. I was looking at a future of alcohol and not much else. If you feel it is a problem in your life. You should quit too. Sobriety is so much better. Believe me.

Dee74

yeah like I said it's not conclusive...many people have reported what you have kadidee

nevertheless, I took the test, scored highly...and that rocked me on my heels....for me, it was a major part of me accepting my problem.

D

Nattythreads

Dear Lou

It's unclear to me the exact nature of your problem, just that you undoubtedly have a major one on your hands.

There is a difference between alcohol abuse and alcoholism. You are clearly an alcohol abuser. You are ingesting chronic amounts. If you carry on like that, you're going to do yourself immeasurable harm. Well actually, immeasurable is the wrong term - it will be easily measurable in the deterioration of your mental faculties, your life and your physical disposition.

Many abuse alcohol over a period, realize the damage they're doing, come to their senses and stop. I hope that's you.

Then there are those who do exactly the above and after a short period return to their old habits. They become binge drinkers. They have periods of abstinence - which generally become shorter and shorter - followed by insane bouts of consumption. They become locked in a dangerous and harmful cycle and are to all intents and purposes alcohol dependent.

And then there are those for whom drinking becomes a necessary constant - just one perpetual binge, interrupted only by shrinking windows where they are so physically sick and ill they cant keep a glass of water down. But they are absolutely riven with the need to keep the shakes, the panic attacks, the anxiety and the self-loathing at bay and as soon as they can, they'll reach for the bottle again.

Looks like you've safely sewn up the first category but I've no idea if you are going to graduate to the second or third categories. I suspect at this point neither do you. All I can say is they hold physical and mental torments that you do not want to encounter.

You're young, bright and smart. So were we once and we ended up on a message board like this. So be young bright and smart and stop the damage you're doing to yourself now. Do yourself the biggest favor you'll ever do for yourself in your life.

KristyCat

Hi Lou. I think everyone here has given you great advice already. The only think I would add is that the label really doesn't matter too much because the solution is the same--you are unable to safely drink and need to stop drinking.

The good news is that there's tons of support and people just like you that have quit successfully and now have happy healthy lives. <3

phoebe64

I would imagine you are at least dependent on alcohol, with the amount you are consuming. And I know it is an amount that is very bad for your health. And, you are admittedly driving drunk and risking the lives of others and yourself in doing that.

Does the label really matter? Can you stop drinking? You never know until you give it a try. For me, realizing how much i struggle to not drink for more than a week or so, really shows me I have a problem. Oh, I have gone 9-10 months without during pregnancies and once, 4-5 months with a health scare, and then I stop for days at a time, a week at a time, a month, "moderating" my intake, and all of that. It has affected my health. I drank way less than you.

So, who cares what the label is. How about trying to be healthier? That is my focus. I know I am much healthier not drinking.

Welcome, and stick around and read the stories. I think we all find people here we can identify with, even though there are many different stories. It is not how much you drink in itself, but whether you can take it or leave it, whether it hurts you and your life in any way, whether it hurts others in your life, etc...

George3334

Welcome, Lou. It's good to see you're here. I'm new to recovery and found this site because I was asking very similar questions to those you are asking. I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have found it to be. I'll also mention that the book "Drinking, A Love Story" really helped me, too. Hang in there.

July2413

Hi Lou. I wasn't drinking anywhere near the amount you do when I started searching for answers to questions like; why can't I stop at one? Why do I keep plotting and planning my next drink? Why am I neglecting what I love? Why am I always sick? Why am I more interested in getting a bottle to my room and holing up with it alone? Why do I regret each drink but have another less than twelve hours later? Why can't I keep my promise not to drink again?...

Finally even though I still wasn't quite sure, I said "I am an alcoholic." I was afraid but I also felt free... Free from denial, free from hopeless attempts at moderation, free from all the questions. I found that the answer - "I am an alcoholic" fit all the questions I'd been agonizing over. Then I was free to do what alcoholics have to do - stop completely. I was still scared. I still have moments when I doubt whether I am truly an alcoholic because I didn't hit a very low low. But it's the answer to all my questions and that's how I know it's true.

sugarbear1

if you can stop and stay stopped and your problems go away, then alcohol was your problem, so don't drink.

if you stop and have a hard time staying stopped or life sucks royally, then alcoholism is the problem and there is a way out for that, too!

deeker

Well I don't think people who are not alcoholic question if they are. They just kinda know. But only you truly know for sure.

Maybe no consequences but how about the shame, guilt and remorse the next day. That was enough for me to know I had a serious problem though I did not do anything about it cuz like you I said I had no consequences..

But all the things that hadn't happened at that point all evetually happened. So quit while you are ahead. Bless u!

foolsgold66

Welcome to SR Lou. Why not just take a week break from drinking and see what happens? That isn't any kind of a definitive test, but it might help you understand the power alcohol has over you.

Fluttering

The confirmation you seek is within you....We cannot give you that. We can only share our very own ES & H about what it was like & where we [individually] came from, what happened and what it is like now


I found it was time to get honest, deep down honest with me
When i got sick & tired of being sic & tored and made that honest admission it was only then I found the "general consensus or similarity in personal experience" becasue within the fellowship people speak drunk and then learn how to communicate with "LANGUAGE OF THE HEART"

May I ask is the reluctance associated with fear?
Fear I will not have any fun...Fear that I can "NEVER" drink again?
Fear you will not succeed and you may get 86'd?
Fear of being judged or criticized?
Fear that this is some kind of a cult and the alkies already here are gonna bend your mind and make you do some other kind of hazing ritual?

I can assure you I had those same fears and many others. However today I can also assure you that none of my fears were valid. I have a love & joy for living and in that living I have found not only peace and serenity but a fellowship that supports and encourages me. "WE are not a glum lot" We learn how to be happy joyous and free.

That is my hope for you that you find the answers you seek within you so that you may join us as we trudge the Road to Happy Destiny together

Try it for a few months...If you are not happy your misery will be refunded.

Boleo

Without knowing anything else about you. I can say that you are using the same kind of rationalization that we alcoholics use to minimize, justify and deny that we are on the slippery-slope to alcoholism.

deeker

Many of us are trying to tell you that it will get worse if you continue on the way you are. We want you to stop before you face what we have faced. Incomprehensible demoralization!

Lionhearted1

yes you are a real alcoholic.... its not a problem until its a problem!!

Zebra1275

I'm going to be blunt.

You are drinking like an alcoholic, so yes, I'd say that you are one.

Alcoholism is progressive and you have described a rapid progression in your drinking. It sounds like serious consequences haven't happened to you YET.
YET is an acronym for You're Eligible Too, and at the rate you are going a drunk driving arrest, flunking out of school, and daily round the clock drinking are just a few of the events that may await you.

You're only 20. At the rate you are progressing what do you think your life will look like when your 30?

BecomingSober

"Alcoholic" is just a label. If you don't want to wear it don't. Myself-it fits me. I don't tell people. But I think it is helpful for me to use it in my head to address my problem. I am high functioning, but carry such a load of shame about my addictive behavior. I hate who I have become. Where is my prior self? The one that was fully engaged in life. Now I just want to hide so no one knows. I am pathetic. I feel like such a fraud. I guess I could say if it effects your whole notion of yourself, there is a problem.

On day 2 again. The only good thing is because I cut back, I don't feel I will have withdrawal issues. Makes it a little bit easier. Damn, maybe this time I will get it right!

Nuudawn

For me, the true test is ..can you stop? I too wrestled with whether I fit the definition for a long time. I remember back in my 20's, when I was bingeing and drinking to blackout..driving drunk and all that..well I ended up at a few AA meetings. For whatever reason I couldn't relate with the stories (of simply greater progression). I actually remember thinking to myself 'I wish I was an alcoholic, so I could stop!!!". I didn't realize I actually already was. Drinking to get through life...is alcoholism in my eyes. I couldn't stop and I needed some sort of metaphoric burning bush to tell me I was an alcoholic before I could get a grip on the simple fact that my drinking was a serious problem. I have a social drinking friend who ended up in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. She had no problem ceasing alcohol for the relationship. When her and I went to dinner she would have one drink if I was having one. When I quit drinking..she would choose to have a soda as well. It didn't matter to her..at all either way. She can take it...or leave it. When drinking I could never just ..leave it.

You are young. I really, really wish I hadn't need to meet some definition of alcoholic in my eyes when I was your age. I wish I had realized I drank too much and that I just needed to put it down and learn to live my life without that crutch. I wasted years. I stunted my growth and damaged my brain..and my life.

The signs are there. You have sought out a recovery board. I went to AA. Can you quit for 30 days? Can you?

jazzfish

I try not over think the issue. Drinking caused problems in my life and I could not seem to stop or control it to avoid the negative consequences. That spells out the solution to me.

You are drinking far above the healthy limits, so it is only a matter of time before you will suffer the negative consequences. As someone who recognized my drinking problem in my early 20s but continued to drink into my 40s, I can promise you that eventually your mind and body will have to give out. Bad hangovers are the LEAST of the negative effects of excessive drinking.

wiscsober

Hi Lou, congratulations for joining up with SR. It has helped me tremendously.

A lot has been posted about the progression of alcoholism --- there is a point where I crossed over from problem drinker to alcoholic...I couldn't tell you the day but it happened in my late teens...by 18 I was drinking alcoholically.

I just took that test Dee posted...looking back at when I was 20 years old I scored a 12.

Again, 33 years later, even sober, things don't change, I scored a 20.

The results don't make me bad...but it shows the progression.

I was fortunate to get in to AA when I was 19...despite many failings and relapses I've never ventured far from it....damn near killed myself many times over...but today I live a contented life in sobriety.

Tests and Medical doctors can show and tell if you are a problem or heavy drinker, or alcoholic....everyone basically shouted at me ALCOHOLIC please stop and get help...but it wasn't until I said the words and accepted that I had a progressive illness was I ready to do anything about it.

paraphrasing some recovery literature: with that information we told you in hand you must decide for yourself.

Best to you. Good health be swift.

DoubleBarrel

I took every test online like the one Dee posted. Over and over they said I was alcoholic. I did not listen.


Alcoholics don't ask other people if they think they are alcoholic.


So you weigh two hundred pounds. Do you really believe that for a two hundred pound person, an entire bottle of booze is a single serving?


O.P., you KNOW the answer to the question. I'm sorry you are going through this.