dwtbd

I agree with most of all the advice you have be given. It all makes pretty good sense, yes? I certainly think you are a bright individual, you do not think that there is room in the physical universe for even one person to be so biologically different that they would metabolise alcohol in such a fashion that will counteract the progression of alcohol addiction and the physical/psychological effects do you ? And if there were such a person , what are the odds it is in fact you ?

Looking forward, what do you think the odds are for an inopportune vomiting engineer being hired for work consistently( even in a teaching position?)? Engineering is a highly fact based field, I think you just need to determine what the facts are, without rationalizations.

You are so young, please consider the advice you've been given, the advice you asked for.
wish you well

quitforme79

Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. For me, it got to the point where once I started I couldn't stop until the bottle was gone. I was functional but miserable inside. I would say I wouldn't drink after work but every day I did. Also, the person I became while drunk was what really helped me define my problem. I did things I would NEVER do while sober. It was an awful way to feel everyday and the hangovers just got worse. I never want to go back.

lommey

Stop now for a month and see how u feel. T hen think do I really enjoy it. I'm 5 days clean and I cn see so much more clearly already the damage I was doing to my self and family . Stay in touch lou this is abgreat place to be

EndGameNYC

The Internet did not exist as we now know it when I first got sober. But there were plenty of late night TV ads about alcoholism, and they often included checklists to help determine whether or not you're an alcoholic. I never went through the lists because I was afraid of how I'd score. I pretty much knew I was an alcoholic early on in my drinking, but believed that everything would change when I graduated college, started working, got my own place, got married, went to therapy, and who knows what else?

Everything got worse, and I nearly lost all those things on my checklist.

breath

Addiction is the only prison where the key is on the INSIDE. Welcome to SR.com. This is a good start in making the proper decisions in YOUR life.

JupiterTwo

Well I'm going through withdrawal at this moment after cocktailing 15 ounces a day approximately months 7 days a week - been drinking heavy for at least 12 years and before that not as bad - never did AA or rehab - I was born with a Systemic Tremor that is like MS/Parkinson's - in my early 20's Vodka was like magic ( Prescription med absolutely useless )- just about 56 now - it's a legal poison , alcohol - it takes only 21 - 30 days to form any new ( neuro - pathway ) - these pathways are actual electronic roads going to your receptors - the more it's used it becomes stronger and bigger - under stress for example your brain will demand the relaxing alcohol - once the line is crossed it becomes worse over time - no cure for it - The Sinclair Method in Demark may help you given you'd probably like to still Socialize at 20 - a big however it seems the line is crossed which means you've got a lifetime to watch for using the poison - it won't be easy - try to fix the problem now before you graduate - tough to get a job if they smell booze on you - Cheer - Up - Regards, Brent

faceitandfixit

I was starting to post and then realized you said EXACTLY what I intended to write!
So, I'll simply echo Sunset's words and add...
Wish you all the best, we're here for you!

wiscsober

My very best to you...I hope you get well.

asoberliferocks

Lou, I see myself in your post! Free yourself from this game you are playing with alcohol. I did it too for years. I made all of these rules for myself and when I kept the rules, I would convince myself that I didn’t have a problem with alcohol. I would say to myself, I never had a DUI, missed days at work, had a black out, so there for I just enjoy my wine but don’t have a problem. I was only kidding myself. I yearned for wine and that I couldn’t deny AND the yearning became stronger and stronger as my tolerance grew larger and larger for the amount I could consume. Thankfully (patting myself on the back) before it got bad, on my own I found a therapist who specializes in addiction and I stopped!
Free yourself from this, it is like a part time job. You are making schedules in your mind and rules about your drinking, this isn’t healthy. I promise you as a person who was once in your shoes. I haven’t had a drop of booze in a year and a half and I wish I ending my love affair with wine years ago!! So now I play the opposite scenario in my mind. I have probably saved close to a thousand dollars in money I would have spent on good win. I haven’t thrown up or had a handover, I have lost weight, people tell me I look younger, my mind is sharp!! There are SO many benefits to a booze free life. Best of luck to you my friend, please continue to come here. We are all here to support you!

Lou3

Thank you all for the support and sharing your thoughts. I am quite glad I posted, it turned out to be more insightful than anticipated.

What this thread has mainly brought to light for me is the self-destructive nature of my behavior and possible progression toward full-blown alcoholism. As someone said, I am an alcohol abuser regardless of label. The fact that there is no official definition is irrelevant.

Out of interest, scored a 9 (problem drinker) on the MAST test. I'd say that's accurate.

I am certain I have reached a certain level of physical dependence. The plan of action is to attempt to limit myself to A quart on the weekend. If I fail, well, I'll keep trying. If sticking to one quart is impossible, I'll decrease the amount next time. Already been 4 days since my last whiskey. Experiencing some withdrawal symptoms and craving, but it's manageable.

I am afraid my free time for the next month is quite limited, and I will probably not contribute toward many forum discussions, much as I'd like to. I will read a thread here and there perhaps.

I want to again sincerely thank you all once again for your input. Good luck all

Nattythreads

Lou

I'm sure we all appreciate your sentiments. We have a lot of commonalities on this site despite our many differences in situation. We might be flawed but we do know what we're dealing with when it comes to addiction unfortunately.

If I may make a suggestion, make it a priority to dip in to the site on a daily basis, even for just five minutes or so. That connection and discipline is important in keeping your attempts at moderation or abstinence top-of-mind.

Whatever your schedule, nothing is more important than bringing a level of control to your abuse. Unless you can do that, then the chances are that all your hard work in other areas will be for naught in years to come. It should be of primary importance to you going forward. Many of us will attest to the fact that when we relegated our addictions to an afterthought or sidelined our focus on getting and staying well, the inevitable result was failure and relapse.

Best of luck to you.

NT

AlefVavResh

This is a huge wake up call.

When you go to a social event, do you tell yourself "just one" and then end up like this? That would be my test. You seem to be already asking the right questions.

If you are not ready to address quitting altogether, can you at least make a commitment to call a cab? Maybe not even drive if it happens every time?

Please read and continue to share. Welcome!

iamjerry

The Big Book suggests you read the stories starting on page 281 then make your own decision as to weather your alcoholic or not.

TomSawyer

I'm only 25, not as young as you, but I can relate. Being a young alcoholic is very hard to admit.

Some of the best advice I've gotten from older people in recovery is this: 'If I had stopped at your age I would have saved myself from a lot of terrible years'. It's been some of the best motivation I've ever gotten, especially since it is easy for me to convince myself that I cannot be an alcoholic because I'm so young -which is just a lie.

JupiterTwo

Lou , I guess you will learn the hard way - 1 quart is 32 US ounces for only two ( 2 ) days - after only a month ( 1 ) that's all it takes and your brain is changed forever and your an alcoholic ( not a problem drinker ) - you mentioned drinking heavy for over a year - the deed has been already done - when the weekend comes by you will consume more , even though not touching the Whiskey for 4 days ( which is great on your part ) - denial now will ruin your school degree and job interviews 2 years from now if it's a Bachelor degree in Engineering - this kind of job requires board meetings - one on one client business talks to customers - they will not put up with a major boozer - you will get fired with an industry bad rep. - try and stop now - do you best - Cheers

EndGameNYC

Sounds as though you didn't get the answers you wanted.

If not being able to cut down to a quart every weekend doesn't work, it doesn't make sense to me that cutting down further will work.

No offense, but it sounds like you're signing off and headed in a dangerous direction.

misspond

Hi Lou. Can I ask, if your free time is limited for the next month how will you fit in some drinking? Maybe some of that limited free time would be better spent reading some of the boards here, particularly the ones that relate directly to alcohol and that ask similar questions as your own? Then you'll read about the experiences of others who quite clearly state that limiting their drinking has never worked.

I fell for that particular trap last time I was here, not believing that my case applied to the experiences held here. Wow was I wrong. We're all in this together Lou, and there's no fee for joining in, just a little stretch of hard work.

Lou3

So I tried sticking to one quart on Friday, long story short, I couldn't. My favorite brand of whiskey was on special when I went back to the liquor store to get my second quart..

However, I managed to stick to exactly one double of whiskey tonight, of which I am quite proud. Having a double of whiskey maybe twice a week sounds perfect to me. The problem with admitting to being an alcoholic for me would be that I fear it would give me an excuse for alcohol abuse. It would be to me to be a type of resignation to the feeling of being helpless to control it, and therefore a justification. I daresay this may have been the underlying cause of my failure this weekend. Perhaps, though, my justification is the accusement of that justification in itself. I hope to differentiate between these two possibilities soon experimentally.

I will admit, I have read very little literature on the subject of alcoholism, as I am sure the above paragraph will lead many to believe. However, I hope to find myself in the third standard deviation, which I'm sure you'll tell me puts me at the mean. If I do learn the hard way, it will at least be a quick learning session, be assured. I have never attempted to quit or even cut back, or realized that I have a problem.

When I initially joined, I knew I drank a lot. I did not realize I was already swimming so far in the deep end. This thread, and a few others that I've read have made me realize this. In my mind, a week ago, all alcoholics drank 3 times the amounts I do, and would throughout the day.

And so, my revised plan of action is to strictly limit myself and find out if it is possible more than 95% of the time. If it isn't, I'll admit to being an alcoholic and simply stop.

Well noted, thank you.

I have rarely attempted to limit myself, since I was in honesty unaware of it being a significant problem. When I have attempted, I have succeeded. Mostly. I'll be sure to call a cab if it happens.


I got quite good answers, better than anticipated. I'm aware that I'm heading in a potentially dangerous direction, however, posting in this thread has been a wake-up call. I believe awareness is key, and MAY prove to be a good long term strategy. I've read some of the horror stories on here, and do NOT want to go down the path of alcoholism.

I used to have a drink as I was finishing assignments/tuts/reports/emails/filing/general admin, then continue while preparing food, doing laundry+dishes, cleaning the house, bathing and preparing for bed, then spend one hour hydrating before sleep. I guess I'll have to start doing chores sober now.

I am going to pay dearly for the time I've spent replying tonight, but I do believe I would pay more if I didn't.

Imabuleva

Lou,

It sounds to me like you're thinking like an alcoholic. Drink to get drunk when school allows for it, and *sometimes when it doesn't.* At very best, that's a bad drinking habit. And driving blacked out isn't something that normal drinkers do either.

As a young alcoholic (I'm 26) and a physics/engineering college graduate, I can also tell you that just because you're getting through school doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. I got to the point that I would come home on my lunch hour and sneak enough to have a slight buzz but still no one can notice. And I would get drunk morning til night on the weekends, and usually run errands while I was getting drunk (drive around town). I would notice myself shake a little bit at work especially if I had to write anything down. If you're doing engineering, you probably have to write, right? If you notice it difficult to write when you're not drinking, that's probably a withdraw symptom. It was / is for me.

Uninvited

I'm not sure if I trust that test. I just took it and I'm only "At risk for Alcoholism".