Fishy

I am on day 5.

Today I went back to AA. I was talking to someone there. She asked me about my life.

I am a full time uni student in an exclusive degree
I work in a very good job when not at uni
I have the perfect blonde pidgen pair kids
I have the house at the beach
I am young and a lot more attractive then most people
I help at the school

However I am broken and in AA for all that. I am an alcoholic. I feel almost a fraud being there. She said that I have the perfect life. I am in AA so I dont lose my "perfect" life. I have hit my rock bottom and I don't give 2 ***** about how hard I have to paddle up these radids, but I am ******* rigging up pulleys for the trees and paddling as hard as I can. If I was a pro cyclist I would just **** in my pants to win the tour de france. That is my race being raced at the moment.

Dee74

Alcoholism is not a competitive sport

Your problem is your problem and comparing it to someone else's is a little futile...if you feel you're not that bad, it may even leave the door open to thoughts of drinking again...it did for me in the past, sorry to say - and more than once.

you have a right to want to change your life and ask for help Fishy

D

Fishy

I know. I have reached my personal low and can only compare to myself but having the person say my life is perfect made me feel flaudulent. I am not. My journey just is not theirs

Dee74

Peoples opinions can only really be valuable if they know you.
This person, this stranger, sized you up in 3 mins?

Meh

D

ZoeM

Fishy, the person that said that, as well as being a member of AA is also human and perhaps a little bit jealous? Just a thought. Only you know how it was said (in what tone of voice etc). Alternatively, they may just have been pointing out what you have to lose
If going is helping you, then keep going

coraltint

I go to meetings with junkies, winos, bankers, and lawyers. What we have in common is far more important than our differences. We all are miserable when we pick up a drink because it ends up kicking our a$$es.

ReadyAtLast

You know if you have a problem or not and are doing what you need to do.You are not a fraud.ALcoholism isn't choosy of occupation, looks,money etc.It can pick on anyone

If someone doesn't like you or is critical/envious of you then that is THEIR problem,
not yours.

I like Zoe's take on it-maybe she was pointing out what you do have to lose . Just keep smiling and be nice to everyone there

MythOfSisyphus

There are many kinds of drunks. Some sleep on park benches and still won't stop. Some are living in panic of their kids finding out they drink. Everyone's burden is different yet in a way all are equal.

You're not a fraud! Consider yourself lucky and smart to see the writing on the wall while you're still young. I p!ssed away 25 years before I got it through my thick skull that I had to quit.

foolsgold66

Let it go. You decide, no one else does. I have had major problems with alcohol for the majority of my life. I have a lot of good things and people in my life still as well. I want to keep them bad enough to stop for good. That's MY bottom.

AA is like the hospital, there's still always sick people there, it doesn't necessarily matter how long they've been sober. Don't let one persons statement make you feel this way.

afloatsober

You are no fraud. Keep going to the meetings and asking for help from any place that offers it.
Like you, i had a dream life.
Beautiful wife of 26 years.
Great career with more money than i needed.
House in the woods.2 cars.
Friends and family galore.
Health and status.
All went as i continued to try to drink like a gentleman.
I was warned that i risked losing all but could not lose the feeling that i was 'different from them'.
I was broken in the end before i decided sobriety MUST be my priority.....
Today i am rebuilding and NOTHING now comes before my continued surrender to the fact that i am alcoholic and need help and Grace.

Be safe.

Gx

GracieLou

If you are this, then...


You are not this. The only requirement for membership is the desire to quit drinking.


The AA Big book makes a statement. "We are people who normally would not mix". I find this to be true but yet, here we are.

You have to remember that AA is like any other group. It is made up of different people with different views and opinions. We have all led different lives, come from different back grounds and because of that, different rock bottoms.

I did not lose it all but that does not make me better and it certainly does not count me out as an alcoholic. Comparing the differences in their lives or their drinking careers can compare me right out of the rooms if I let it.

If you give it some time you are going to find people just like you or at the very least, quite similar to what you have gone through and what you are going through.

You are not a fake nor a fraud. You are just another person with the desire to quit drinking.

Jeni26

Well I've been in AA for a while.

I've met middle aged housewives who secretly drank and hid their bottles around the house, men who lived in ditches or under hedges, journalists who worked on top British newspapers, accountants, lawyers, guys who have been in prison, young men who decided in their early 20s to quit, guys who didn't quit til their 60s.....

Not one story or background is the same. We are all different in every respect apart from one...alcohol is causing us a problem in our lives and we all want to stop drinking.

You are in the right place. Not a fraud but a genuine person asking for help.

Best wishes to you x

sugarbear1

If you can relate to others, are you willing to find a sponsor and work those steps??

ImperfectlyMe

Many who's life seem perfect are the ones that struggle in silence fear of shattering the perfection reflection: Marylyn Monroe, Betty ford, Mel Gibson, Johnny dep, Heath ledger, Kate moss, Eric Clapton, robin Williams.
The list goes on and on . Their is no face or mold of an alcoholic.
I would let go of the comment and maybe see it as a compliment turn your negative into a positive.

Croissant

Well said.

Fishy, congrats on your 5 days. I agree, you may have taken the comment out of context. Good for you for taking steps to change and best to stay focused on that and what it means for you.

Fishy

I am very good at taking comments out of context and I can't understand personal intercommunication very well. I have Autism which limits this. Autism is actually why I drink. I kind of get semi social and less analytical while drinking and can interact with people on a different (neuro-typical) thinking process.

Also because I have Autism, nobody can tell if I am drunk or not until I am pass out drunk. My interpersonal communication behaviours don't change except my relationship behaviours were altered. I would actually talk to someone.

I have taken on a sponsor that I know will be temp as I highly doubt they will understand the style of my verbal prose in communication, (Think Sheldon cooper). I am there to succeed.

Weasel1966

Fishy,

I challenge you to write that list again but only referring to the wonderful things about you. Not around you.

I find value in things when I find value in myself.

I'll start...

I have a big heart and help when I can.
I work at what I do for a living because I happen to be good at it.
My friends and I don't always get along but we have fun and I care about them.
I love making my home a place people feel comfortable in.
I am an alcoholic. If I don't actively try to remain sober I will lose all the things I care most about who I am.

Keep going strong!

Fishy

I am very analytical
I am very logical
I do not understand interpersonal communication and constantly **** it up
I am obsessive
I am goal orientated
I have a very good ability to make everyone feel like **** by stating the obvious
The only people who talk to me drink and party hard or want something usually work wise.
I encourage people I am sexually interested in to hang around me by using sex tactics
I am good at what I study because it is easy and the other students are stupid
I have a problem with alcohol because it makes me interact with people in a way that is not like I am monotonic and I can have the patience to talk on facebook and other social media sites. It diminishes a majority of my autistic symptoms. I need to find ways to diminish the ways that exasperate my autistic symptoms so I can be a functioning member of society or get used to being teased by other people.
I have a house by the beach filled with too many cats.

numptie

I think maybe the we are all on ASD spectrum by varying degrees.
ASD isnt a disease and maybe attempts to 'fix' it are misguided. There isn't a normal. If there is it is elusive. Normal is societies fabrication for fear of difference (perhaps).

Maybe pull back from the people who drink and party or want something from you. Meet new people and explain, if needs be, that you may be frank, direct etc but it is part of who you are and isnt intended to be hurtful.
Work to your strengths. Maybe try not to place yourself on a pedestal though (other people are stupid?!.........lol.....)
DO take care of your cats, x

Threshold

You are not a fraud. you are a person who wants to stop drinking, therefore you are in the right place in AA.

Anonymous much? dang, IMO this woman really had no business asking about your personal life and then judging it. AA has a primary purpose. To address alcoholism. And I found it shocking how much non anonymous sharing went on.

anyway...I, for my own reasons and for the good of my family, didn't share any such details with people at the meetings. Ever. Period. I was there to talk about the solution to my alcoholism and when folks asked, I'd just demure that I was an alcoholic just like them, and preferred not to talk about my personal life.

We had people show up at meetings that were professionals on their lunch hours, government officials, rich, lawyers as well as us gutter bums. What we had in common and why we were there was because we shared the condition known as alcoholism. Period. Any other details were of no consequence.