I feel like such a fraud.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
If external forces were a barometer of how I felt then I should be the happiest person in the world.
But I'm not. I am grateful that I have been blessed in many ways, but I know that my journey to find the treasure of inner peace is the most important trip of my life.
But I'm not. I am grateful that I have been blessed in many ways, but I know that my journey to find the treasure of inner peace is the most important trip of my life.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Fishy.
Any medical or psychiatric condition that we carry adversely affects our sobriety, and vice versa. I appreciate that this is part of your struggle.
As long as I had my job, my home, my friends, my SO, my family and other loved ones...as long as people continued to treat me (relatively) well, that my supervisor only reprimanded me intermittently...then as long as I could scrounge up enough money to continue drinking, a place to crash, occasional scraps of food and minimal human contact...I continued to drink. My standards slipped from exceptional to nonexistent. And much of this occurred years before I ever relapsed. Essentially, as long as I had people and things to lose, I continued to drink.
My story is all over this Web site. My drinking lead me to continue my path of self-destruction until I lost everything and everyone that were dear to me in life. It's an unfortunate reality that so many of us desperately hang in there until we have nothing left to lose, and nowhere else to go. Because this is so ubiquitous, you well hear this story over and over again in AA meetings and other recovery forums. Just being alive becomes a trivial matter compared to the desperate and powerful need to drink myself into oblivion. What we do have in common is not necessarily losing everything, but our relationship with alcohol, despite all the terrible things that come of that relationship.
When I finally crawled out of my deep, isolating despair that was 'round-the-clock drinking, I had completely destroyed the world around me. Like walking out of a bomb shelter after a nuclear blast. Losing everything is not a requirement for sobriety. Only the lucky ones (smart ones?) stop before things go that far.
Any medical or psychiatric condition that we carry adversely affects our sobriety, and vice versa. I appreciate that this is part of your struggle.
As long as I had my job, my home, my friends, my SO, my family and other loved ones...as long as people continued to treat me (relatively) well, that my supervisor only reprimanded me intermittently...then as long as I could scrounge up enough money to continue drinking, a place to crash, occasional scraps of food and minimal human contact...I continued to drink. My standards slipped from exceptional to nonexistent. And much of this occurred years before I ever relapsed. Essentially, as long as I had people and things to lose, I continued to drink.
My story is all over this Web site. My drinking lead me to continue my path of self-destruction until I lost everything and everyone that were dear to me in life. It's an unfortunate reality that so many of us desperately hang in there until we have nothing left to lose, and nowhere else to go. Because this is so ubiquitous, you well hear this story over and over again in AA meetings and other recovery forums. Just being alive becomes a trivial matter compared to the desperate and powerful need to drink myself into oblivion. What we do have in common is not necessarily losing everything, but our relationship with alcohol, despite all the terrible things that come of that relationship.
When I finally crawled out of my deep, isolating despair that was 'round-the-clock drinking, I had completely destroyed the world around me. Like walking out of a bomb shelter after a nuclear blast. Losing everything is not a requirement for sobriety. Only the lucky ones (smart ones?) stop before things go that far.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
As someone else said, maybe she was just pointing out all that you have to lose. Good for you for realizing you're at bottom before you lose those precious things. It's a beautiful thing to change before you lose it ALL.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
You're not a fraud, no one's life is perfect, the rich, the successful, the good looking all have problems--even if they don't drink. The woman you spoke with made a foolish comment. Alcoholism and addiction do not discriminate, it does not care one wit about race, color creed, social status or economic status.
Fortunately you seem to understand you have a problem and you're willing to address it before it gets worse. There is nothing fraudulent about seeking help before a problem progresses. Imagine if you found out your were diabetic. Would you wait until the diabetes had caused advanced heart disease and loss of a leg or a foot before addressing the problem? Of course not, so it is the same with addiction.
Fortunately you seem to understand you have a problem and you're willing to address it before it gets worse. There is nothing fraudulent about seeking help before a problem progresses. Imagine if you found out your were diabetic. Would you wait until the diabetes had caused advanced heart disease and loss of a leg or a foot before addressing the problem? Of course not, so it is the same with addiction.
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