DarkDays

I would just stop and stay stopped. So much easier than the obsession of believing one can moderate etc.

Good luck.

Would it possible to ask the moderators if there could be a separate section for moderation threads ? Might be more helpful/beneficial for those that seek this ?

lillyknitting

From my personal experience it gets worse, or, if not worse, stays the same. With the same or, if not same, then worse outcome. Take care.

lillyknitting

DD, that's an excellent idea.

Dee74

We promote abstinence here, but soberrecovery is, and has always been, a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction.

That will always include a certain amount of people wanting to explore moderation.

I think we have enough work already without creating new forums guys - Anna and I would be forever moving threads and moderating fights.

Sorry - but no thanks.

if the topic offends, you have the right and the power to move on.

D

TexasMichael

There have been several threads recently from people unable to cope with their drinking and then four or five days later they are "cured" and considering moderation.

A few post again during their next hangover, and some just disappear back into the grip of alcohol.

SR member Clearlight posted a link a few weeks ago about the life of Moderation Management founder Audrey Kishline.

Anyone thinking about tapering or moderation as a solution to their alcohol problem should read about Audrey Kishline and watch the Dateline segment about this moderation "expert."

ACOAHappyNow

I'll admit I feel worried when people say they feel they can Go back to drinking and that it will just be moderate this time because I saw my father and my brother try that again and again and fail every time. And each time things got worse and worse. Now my father is dying of cirrhosis that has decompensated, and my brother is homeless and jobless and hasn't seen or contacted his daughter in years. So when I read these posts I think "uh oh."

silentrun

I suppose there is always a chance that someone could be successful at moderating. I still don't know for sure if I crossed the line into "true alcoholism." I will know for sure in 2 years. If after 2 years I am repulsed by alcohol then I am not an addict. If I start thinking I could moderate then I am. Only an addict would risk going back there for the right to drink at all. I really don't know if I could have made it this far believing there was something good left back in my drinking days. It took 2 years of straight misery to convince me. Hard won lesson, but very valuable.

javamama

I also have a problem telling myself never again. I have relapsed so many times because I have been incapable of being honest about my problem. I know Im an alcoholic because I dont want to moderate. To me thats no fun. I drink to get a buzz or get drunk. To feel something. I am an all or nothing kinda girl too..I think all of us alcoholics are. Or atleast thats what I have seen in the rooms of AA. We all have the same brain. There is a still a part of me that believes alcohol is fun, and makes me feel good. I want to get over that because I know it will only get worse. I have resorted to hiding bottles the last few times I drank. Its the only way because thinks I have stopped. This is definitely not a normal life to live, I see that, but the grips of alcohol has me thinking its no bad during my times of craving.

susasober1

If I tried to hide bottles, I would only be fooling myself...people can see the difference in me since I've been sober and if I were to start again, they would be able to see that right away too!

GwenCummings

It's interesting to read so many people thinking of alcohol as a positive thing they are denying themselves rather than as a destructive drug they are well rid of.

Here's my experience.
I abstained for 2 and a half years, felt strong and happy, then began to believe I could moderate it. I started slowly, keeping it controlled but after the first sip I started obsessing about alcohol and within weeks I was blacking out, arguing with my husband and on that slippery slope. Eventually I was worse than I'd ever been before. My dream of moderation was just a dream. I will never be able to drink within safe limits.
Now I have 6 weeks sober and I am wiser for my experience.

Alcohol is a poison. It would take everything I have and then kill me.

I love the phrase "play the movie till the end". It keeps me sober. That chilled glass of wine on a sunny terrace which seems so appealing would actually end in a brain numbing binge. I simply don't have the time or energy to waste on such nonsense. I am planning to live a full and adventurous life with my remaining years.

I hope all of you will do the same.

Love and light.

GwenCummings

I found this on another recovery site.

Recovery Poem From Darla

There is a monster who lives in my head, He talks to me softly he wants me dead.
He tells me this time I'll stay in control. He tells me not to let anyone know.
He convinces me that no one cares, He whispers the pain is to much to bear.
He tells me how wonderful I will feel. He tells me he loves me and it is real.
He tells me not to call anyone, My heart starts racing, he tells me it will be fun.
He tells me not to think of past times, He promises I can do it just once this time
Who is this monster who calls me by name, RELAPSE, he's waiting to start the game.

Written while in detox 02-22-2002 by a addict named Darla

susasober1

I love that! because a chilled glass of wine on a terrace, by the pool or in front of a fire is exactly what I used to enjoy until it did turn into mind numbing binges...one after the other...these days I still sometimes fantasize but I always "play the move all the way through"...

Bubovski

After 50 years of drinking, from extreme to light I have hopefully reached realization that moderate drinking (is such a precursor to alcoholism?) is not to be found in my dictionary.

In the initial really bad old days of vice and vomit, moral cowardice, vanity, stupidity, self pity, irresponsibility, convulsions, no direction,deceit,lust and lunacy, along with gross insanity......and I could go on, I believed I was treating shyness, depression, anxiety, and a weird upbringing.

Mid 70s after a torrid and drunken de facto relationship and close to insanity I opted for benzos to dull the trauma, thus multiplying the essential problem for another 35 years.
Dumb, yes!
Fast forward to 1994 and I am in de tox (drunk driving and job on the line ) for 5 weeks and familiarise myself with AA principles. Then its a half hearted AA & NA for several months, followed by round a half year of sobriety. Next, dear reader, I opt to become a 'moderate drinker". A very slow learner, yes!

Moderate drinking to me was to continually measure drinks, count them, time them,even inventing and trying to patent.......dah dah~~ The Standard Drink Glass, all in the name of moderation.
During this period I was still taking benzos and anti depressants and my mood ranged mainly from mediocre to poor, the highlight being four or five drinks in the evening for minimal mood elevation.

So much for the much revered moderate drinking, the pundits can have it.
This year I rejoined AA, am into spirituality, community, one day at a time, have a sponsor, completed step 5, attending regular meetings, have a home group, reading the literature and for the first time post that alcoholic drug induced nightmare feel I am on the right track.

Fifty years has taught me to travel slowly but surely in recovery and that "moderate drinking" is yet another suburban myth............

Eleni58

To me, it would be far more work and a pain in the a** to moderate drinking than it would be to stay sober. I am lazy, I guess.

Bubovski

Nah not lazy, more like smart!

ClimbHigh

SLB,

I believe the "fun" in your plan is really only in your head. That is how our addictions cunningly help us to believe that what we do to ourselves could be "fun". While in reality it only moves us away from what is healthy and good. I find it exceedingly difficult to remember why I quit as I move farther from the painful throws of addiction and begin to think I can go back and moderate or behave the way normal people do, the truth is, it's not possible no matter how romantic my addiction makes it look in my mind.

The choice is yours, and maybe you have to go back to realize what all is stated above is true. I re-read your original post and find it hard to think you could really question if you could moderate. Even after you asked the question here, the evidence is clear that it rarely leads to anywhere good. I don't mean to be all doom and gloom either!!

Your current choices are wonderful, and as an avid gym goer I understand your need for vigorous exercise!! You are doing the right thing!! Stick around and just try to enjoy each day as it is, alcohol can't touch what a good workout will make you feel.
Don't forget to take time to relax, for you, either.
Anyhow that's my two cents for what it's worth.

CH

SLB1968

Thanks everyone. Allot of good information and opinion in the thread. First, for those in whome I sense a bit of aggrivation/synicism, It was not my intent to stir the pot. I think these are important questions.

I will admit that I probably don't know as much as others here about addiction; however, one thing I can tell you for sure is this. Moderation may not work; dogma never works. I think each person is different.

In my life, I have seen moderation work; I have seen it become a monumental failure. I'm not sure whether I will try it or not. Right now, after 8 days of not drinking at all - even through a weekend -I feel pretty damn healthy. I'm more thinking about my evening cardio session tonight than having a few beers. Will this change? don't know. time will tell. I'm just not ready to tell myself that I will never drink again because I know such a mentality has failed me before.

Have a good week folks.

Amajorityofone

Friend-

I am 372 days into 100% sobriety and I ain't thinking about nuthin but today. We must never, ever, forget that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Thus, make the most of this day, and treat each future day your given as a gift, not a "right."

After this post I plan on bicycling to the gym, working out, and bicycling back home before getting everything else done. If I started thinking about the rest of my life, especially after only eight days of sobriety, I would have gone insane. What works for me is that each day I do myself the favor of just putting one foot in front of the other. Keep your sobriety walk childishly simple and you'll be amazed at the results over time.

Good luck and God Bless.

Dee74

Sure it does. Everyone has a set of beliefs.

Your dogma right now might be characterised as noone is the boss of you and you reserve the right to test the waters again....

Many of us have done that for you, and we've shared our experiences here...but it's your dime, SLB.

D

Junegirl

Dogma is working for me, SLB. My personal dogma is "I can not drink. I can not moderate." However, it was not easy for me to come to this and accept it. In fact, I fought it for a long time. It was incredibly difficult for me to see myself watching a Pats game without a beer in hand! It meant changing almost everything about my life as I know it and that seemed pretty impossible when you're seeing a lifetime ahead of you without something that you've had for many years. I often heard "don't think of a lifetime" and "one day at a time", but I just couldn't do it. The thoughts of the lifetime in front of me without a drink always barged into my mind.
So, I decided to take a leap of faith that I would be able to do it somehow. I look at the veterans on here and know that if they've done it, why can't I? I'm only 2 1/2 months sober, but I'm feeling better and better every day.

As for moderation...yes, there's a very small chance that some of us can do it. But the odds are very much against us on this one. I fell off the wagon a couple of times early on myself and had 2 beers without really wanting more. I could have said to myself that I was okay to moderate because see, I did it twice. If there's one thing I've learned at SR is that the AV is tricky. Starts out nice and sweet, almost like before we were alcoholics, then Bam! We're back in the ditch and it's much harder to get out than before...so why would I take the chance to end up in a ditch again? Even for the best and boldest gamblers, the odds are too much against us and the potential losses are too big.
That's my story and how I'm dealing with those thoughts about "forever" and the possibility of moderation, fwiw.

Best to you, fellow Bay Stater,

June