SLB1968

So I got to thinking last night..

A few years back, I was in fantastic shape and I drank only one night per week. When I drank, I got drunk but not completely messed up and I did it at home.

Then the financial meltdown happened on Wall Street. My wife and I then endured Job loss, marital problems, financial hell, almost lost the house, almost got divorced and a bunch of other things on which I will not bore you with. My drinking escalated.

I'm wondering if I put together a good 16 weeks of sobriety, get healthy and back to where I was, it might be the same as before. At this point the marriage is on a more solid footing, I'm back in the game job wise and financially, the house is no longer at risk and it's just a brighter day. Meaning, I don't think I would be stress drinking.

I know this website is about recovery for alcoholics and I may very well be one. I'm just wondering if there are any 'closet moderate drinkers' on here who would chime in; or, of course, others who have tried it.

BTW. I'm day 5 today. I've beaten myself up so much in the gym this week and have dieted so hard that at this point I would seriously rather have a gallon of Gatorade than a 6 pack of bud. I think I'll be ok this weekend. For me, the first weekend of a diet or sobriety is always the most difficult.

doggonecarl

Normal drinkers don't have to wonder about moderation...they just practice it. So I'd say probably not. Too late to put the cat back in the bag.

You're at day 5 thinking about drinking...what does that tell you about where you are?

Do your 16 weeks, hopefully you will relish sobriety so much you'll continue.

SLB1968

I hear you and you make sense. it's just hard to imagine NEVER doing it again. Just being completely honest here. For now, I'm going to keep the place holder. I know this is probably nonsense for most; but, for me, if I tell myself I can never, ever, drink again, I'm doomed. I will be at the package store in exactly 7 hours from now.

I quit smoking about 22 years ago. I had tried several times but the last time I told myself, "if you really feel like you need one, just have it; otherwise, do your best to spend most of your time without a cigarette". It worked. I smoked a couple of times over the next few years but then never did again.

Hey, I'll start with 16 weeks. For right now, that will do.

Anna

I think we have found that abstinence is the most simple solution for alcoholism. Moderation doesn't work for us.

lessgravity

If you are on a recovery website questioning if you can ration off how much you drink, when you drink, etc, you, like all of us, have a problem with drinking. To me it's just that simple.

And I say that as someone who for years did the whole "only on Fridays and Saturdays", "never two days in a row", "I'll buy my booze for the week and then when it runs out I can't have any more" etc, etc, et al, ad infinitium. People who don't have problems with drinking leave half a glass on the table at dinner and then don't drink again, without thinking about it, for days. They don't make "drinking plans." They don't go on sober websites asking for advice as to how to drink moderately because they do it without thinking - they aren't addicts.

All you are asking for in another walk about into the slavery of addiction - where you have to constantly decide and and evaluate what you are consuming, when you are doing it.

So what if a few years ago you drank like that?? Most problem drinkers of course have some stages where they drank somewhat responsibly - we don't start drinking a 12 pack a day from the begining. What happened next for you?

Is it worth it? Is drinking really worth that much to you?

SLB1968

That's actually an important question. I guess the "right" answer is "no". The honest answer is, "I'm not sure yet".

You are right though. This is a website about sobriety and while I am here, I will be sober and do my best to learn. I figure it cannot hurt. Any day that we are not destroying ourselves is a good day, right?

Boleo

If you are constantly thinking about drinking - you are probably an alcoholic.

If you are constantly thinking about not-drinking - you are probably an alcoholic.

lessgravity

Yes you are right and good work on sobriety. Sorry if I sounded a bit aggro but I hear myself in your questions.

And the answer is no, btw. Your life, your family, everything is more important. These days I know that there is one thing in the world I can't do (besides all the stuff that's against the law etc ha) and that is drink. There are million other things in the world TO DO. I can do all of those - renew my scuba license, go see three movies in a row, make a huge lobster dinner, sex, go for a run blah blah - the only thing I can't do is drink! It's one thing!

LadyBlue0527

SLB, what you're hearing right now is your AV (addictive voice) that is reasoning with you that maybe things are not all that bad. Maybe you can go back to where you were. What I find helpful is to go and find the post that brought me here in the first place. Here's a link to yours

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-get-real.html

What has changed between the time that you wrote that post and now?

The title of your post was "Time to get Real". One of the statements in your post was "I just don't want alcohol to rob me of another minute of my life."

It's very easy to make those statements when you have firmly resolved to quit. However, part of the addiction itself is when those cravings come calling then, it gets really easy to write the very same post that you started this thread with.

Only you can answer the question as to whether you can moderate. You need to do your own research. Most of us have done ours too, over, and over, and over again. All roads led us back to the same path. We can't drink, plain and simple. We all recognize the feelings that are behind your post. We've reasoned with ourselves too. This is what makes this place what it is. Some very insightful information to help you to recognize where you are with this and in a very caring way.

As I said. Only you can determine if you can moderate. At least take the time to read that first post I supplied the link to then come back and read the first post of this thread. Do you see what's happening?

It's the addiction talking.

I wish you the best no matter what your decision is. I'm only here to help.

Lightning Bug

Don't think about "never" - think about today. If you make it through the day without drinking, then you are in the game to win.

I don't believe in moderation - I am all or nothing kind of girl. I never liked the taste of alcohol - I drank to get drunk. That is why I couldn't ever have one glass of wine, spirit, or beer. I would be ripping the drinks out of everyone's hands.

Olive1

I have a hard time with the NEVER as well. I am sure that is why 'one day at a time' works so well.
I quit smoking about eight times before I finally quit for mostly good. I have been known to have a cigarette on occasion. I have maybe had 3 in the past eighteen months.
But with drinking.....
One of the reasons I drank was to relax and lower my inhibitions to be able to socialize. (I am sort of an introvert ). Once I had the first drink, my walls came down. This is exactly why I can never drink again.
Once I have the first drink, I will have absolutely no control over having more and more and more. Smoking does not make me lose control.....and besides, it is generally just kind of nasty any more.
I can never have the first drink.
For me, there is a lot more to life than drinking!

tate9685

I agree with dogonecarl. Also, be careful about a major overhaul right now. I mean don't over do it at the gym and dieting right now. Keep things simple, take it easy and work on doing good things for yourself on a daily basis without pushing yourself too much.

SLB1968

[QUOTE=LadyBlue0527;4138465]
Well on monday I thought I was going to die; today I feel good so It's starting to get to me again! that's the difference. You're probably right. it's probably AV

[QUOTE=earthsteps;4138470] I'm screwed than because I like to get drunk and I like the flavor!



[QUOTE=Olive1;4138474]
Smoking is a nasty habit. probably as bad as alcohol in many ways. I've seen enough people die of lung cancer that I'm done with smoking.

SLB1968

If it were not for over-doing it at the gym, I would be drinking by now. As a former competitor, I like the way it feels to workout in a way that would make most people spend the next day in a wheel chair. Maybe unhealthy but it's keeping me going right now.

susasober1

I can relate to your posts! And I so agree...any day we don't drink is a good day!

There was a time in my life where drinking worked for me too...I was functional, active, healthy and usually just drank my wine at home and occasionally with friends. My life fell apart too and my drinking escalated...I crossed that line into the "deep dark kingdom" as I call it...after some really hellish years things are finally slowly looking up. I have almost 15 months of sobriety. The idea of never drinking again still scares me, but everyday when I wake up, I think, "Not today"...because if I did drink, sadly I know what would happen. However, I do "romanticize" the drink quite often and think of how it used to be...could I go back??? Probably not...the good news is it gets easier and you do get used to feeling better, looking better, keeping commitments and generally leading a productive healthier life!!

Keep us posted!!!

Amajorityofone

Friend-

Think about what you're saying.

Then the financial meltdown happened on Wall Street. My wife and I then endured Job loss, marital problems, financial hell, almost lost the house, almost got divorced and a bunch of other things on which I will not bore you with. My drinking escalated.

Why in God's name would you want to go back to that?


In my opinion, drinking does not make things "better." Never has. Never will.
Food for thought

SLB1968

Let's not overdo it. While I agree that drinking heavy seldom helps, I really don't think my personal drinking problem caused a MBS crisis that causes the meltdown of American Financail markets; and, consequently, a global credit freeze and the virtual end of Western Investment Banking. I would like to think that I'm - we're - not going back to that anytime soon.

That said, Point taken regarding doing something that could potentially precipitate similar problems, albeit, perhaps not for the same reason. I do get it believe it or not.

To all who responded or who are reading. This is not a popular train of thought. I do understand that. I'm just providing my honest thoughts. Any sobriety or abstinance has to begin with that much. What good does it do to lie to myself and say, "I will never drink again" when I think that I might? There ain't no healing in that.

ScottFromWI

You might not be lying to yourself. After a while you may find that you don't want to drink again, ever.

And there's a difference than thinking you might drink again, and actuallly planning to do it again. If you are thinking the latter, there definitely "ain't no healing" in that.

resolute50

And where is the healing when one goes into a fight with the premise they're going to fail?
Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

What would happen if you told yourself over and over"I can't do this anymore" while working out at your gym.

SLB1968

You do realize that you guys are taking all the fun out of my plan!! LOL