Acheleus

Well I am printing out stuff for my classes, had to go out early this morning for a new printer. I have to teach then do a three hour training class. I am feeling tired and stressed, but I also have this numb feeling, not sure if that is my anxiety med. It is not a benzo. One thing that has been bothering me is the amount of money I have spent on alcohol in bars. It is sickening. Maybe I can make up for it in the future. Anyway just busy working on assignments then off to class. Stressed but sober on day 4 and lucky to be on SR.

EndGameNYC

Hey Acheleus.

I too was stressed out and all kinds of crazy when I first got sober. I learned to embrace my responsibilities more fully...work, AA, relaxation, therapy... I had so much more time and money, and I was no longer counting down the launch sequence for when I'd be drinking, so I immersed myself as fully as possible in whatever else I was doing. And I made it so there was a lot to do.

It was a beautiful thing.

Amajorityofone

I wrote this in my Journal five months ago.

March 7th, 2013-

Cost Benefit Analysis-

I picked a random month out of my past. I wanted to know how much money I was spending on boozing. The total from the Month of May, 2011 was $723.00

$723.00!!!

And this figures ignores all of the FREE drinks I drank, ATM withdraws, all of the dope I may have smoked, all of the exercise I didn’t do, all of the reading I did not do, driving to and from these establishments and of course, all the risks involved when one drinks and drives.

If I were to multiply 723 over the last six months, then I have saved more than $4338.00 dollars by not drinking. This figure is frighteningly realistic for I went on vacation in November (a time I usually drink like a sailor) and spent a whopping 250 bucks on booze ALONE during New Years Eve 2011.

Scary. Just scary.

I thought I was only spending around 400 bucks a month. Obviously I was way off.

wiscsober

Acheleus Keep it up.

neferkamichael

Acheleus, Day 4 and a long day ahead? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Acheleus, early on I figured up all the money I had spent on booze and dope and it was just awful, I haven't forgotten it, and it is a diving force that helps keep me sober. Unfortunately we all just keep getting older and life keeps getting more and more expensive. I'm 59 and I have no retirement fund, and that is something that causes me stress and anxiety. Just think of all the things you can have without the booze. Rootin for ya.

ZoeM

Acheleus - day 4? I am SO excited for you, because the magical day 5 is just a few hours away I've read over and over how day 5 is brilliant and it certainly was from my experiences. Well done - all that work today!!

Croissant

Thank you for sharing that....I must do that this weekend. I finally feel strong enough to face the massive financial impact this ridiculous, nonsensical, daily illusion that I was having a good time has financially cost me.

Every trip I've made to the recycling bin since stopping a few weeks back (I'd say I had at least 6 big bags of wine bottles back logged around the house) I cringe that each bag holds what was at least 150 dollars worth of poison.

Olive1

Hi Acheleus,
Congratulations on four days!
I am sorry you are stressed, but somehow, for as much as you can read emotion in the written forum world, you seem more calm this go round.
You know I am always rooting for you!

Nuudawn

I like what Olive said. When our thinking becomes more critical of what alcohol has taken from us rather than given us I think we are on the right path. Sobriety is not deprivation...it is a gift that keeps on giving as we travel the path through it. In just a little better than 2 months of sobriety I have started to address little debts by putting away money here and there that I guess I just didn't have before. I'm able to address little problems rather than ignore them and drink my way through them. To use Endgame's phrase..it really is a beautiful thing. As we muddle our way through sobriety we begin to see the change in ourselves and in our lives. And yup, there really is a wow factor.

Acheleus

Yea I have Speaker tapes on cd in my car now and those help to remind me of how grateful I am not to be maimed or in jail or injured from getting robbed and hanging around in places I should not have been. I think my meds help me feel more relaxed, and the meetings definitely help me to see how many different people share the same problems. I'm not interested in anything but staying sober today and doing a good job at my work/school, I'm a little stressed but I am not thinking about drinking. When the temptation comes I will pull out my white chip and a note I wrote about how everything negative that has happened in my life has been a direct consequence of my consumption of alcohol. I'm not ******* around anymore.

Thanks Nuudawn.

Cleopatra1

Well done on day 4 ...i promise it gets easier and more rewarding each day...keep it up xx hugs xx cleo xx

scintillady

Day 4 for me too. Confident through day 5, but don't know if I'll make it thru day 6. Time off, partner gone for the weekend, sunny days by the pool, etc. That's my worst temptation, to relax by the pool on a sunny day off and read and have a glass of wine. I'll keep you posted, though.

Acheleus

I don't have happy times drinking anymore. I lose touch with reality and I have the shakes, extreme paranoia, can't go outside, and I see stuff when I close my eyes, like lucid dreaming. That's what freaked me out so much last time. Just know that if you are an alcoholic you have two choices: Do I want to live or do I want to die? I'm someone who CAN'T drink. It took me a long time to accept it, but I have to or I will die.

Olive1

This is me as well.
And when I finally accepted this, I finally stopped drinking.

ScottFromWI

Nice work Acheleus. Both on day 4 and on realizing the real problem.

Regarding the money you spent, it's over and done with and there's nothing you can change about it. Use it as a motivation perhaps but dwelling in it is a waste of your time.

Soberpotamus

This thread is full of win!

Acheleus, like Nuu said, it sounds like you are on the right track... looking at the things alcohol is taken from you instead of rationalizing the things you think it gives you. Congrats!

And Amajorityofone... thanks for posting the info about your CBA and the money you spent. It sparked a great discussion for me and my husband just now on the phone... we calculated the money I spent on drinking and junk food during the hangover aftermath, and it seems we are now able to pay for both my biweekly therapy session with an amazing therapist, as well as my orthodontics!! Major win

Acheleus... so have you found a guy to sponsor you yet?

Acheleus

I want an older person so I am going to look tonight for somebody. I have to go to a late meeting tonight because I do not get out of class till almost seven. I am hating school right now but there is nothing I can do but deal with it. Tonight if I find someone with double digit years of sobriety I will ask them to be my sponsor. Trying to work on dealing with the people at my school who I do not like. I am not sure why I do not like them I just dont. Some of them look down on masters students, but I do not care about school/office politics because I have more important things to worry about. Also this Saturday when I get a moment to breathe I will go out to the nature center and walk the trails that I like.

Acheleus

Done with teaching and taking my class. Getting dinner then AA meeting.

hayley86

Sounds like you are doing the right thing Acheleus. Going to meetings and keeping your sobriety as priority along with your teaching and classes is what is most important. Keep focused on your goals and ignore any other nonsense that may go on elsewhere. Stay strong.

Kat60

Good job Ach!! Keep up the good work and keep posting your updates!
We care!!