I don't have happy times drinking anymore. I lose touch with reality and I have the shakes, extreme paranoia, can't go outside, and I see stuff when I close my eyes, like lucid dreaming. That's what freaked me out so much last time. Just know that if you are an alcoholic you have two choices: Do I want to live or do I want to die? I'm someone who CAN'T drink. It took me a long time to accept it, but I have to or I will die.